Fed up!

Rachel83

Little bit of a rant more than anything, ex husband seems to worm his way out of providing for his children constantly, he got out of CSA payments for a good potion of last year and I've been informed this evening that he also is not paying this months. Which was due to be taken today, wouldn't mind but id actually earmarked his lousy amount to buy both of the children I have new shoes!


He's self employed and also informs me he's looking for a cash in hand job, no surprises there and he will no longer be having the children on a weekend because of this. Preferring them on school nights. This obviously leaves weekends free for his cash in hand work and he gets it easy never really having his children for a portion of decent time!


Basically I guess the point I'm getting to is when does it ever seem to get any better, and to be honest I constantly worry that one day the children will up and leave to him when all I seem to do is worry!


Arghhh!

marisco_2

The only time things will improve is when you face the frightening reality, that the only person you can trust implicitly and rely on is yourself. Probably not what you want to hear at all and I do truly empathise with where you are at. Hold your head high and keep on going with being the one constant in your children's lives, who prioritises them and that they can depend on and feel totally secure around. Place some trust in them that they love and respect you and that you will always be a special and vital part of their lives. Worrying is counter productive and means you waste precious time and energy in a state of upset and angst, when you should be fully enjoying watching your children grow up. It happens once and they are up and grown and gone in a blink of an eye. Take it one day at a time and believe in yourself that you can do this.

Rachel83

Thanks


Sometimes its hard to see the woods for all the trees I honestly try not to moan, I guess tonights just one of those nights!

meritaten

I agree with marisco.
my DDs ex was like this - he changed jobs every few months to avoid paying child support. she just chased him for cash every time he had GS. if he had money he would buy him shoes, clothes, etc.
DD never ever relied on him paying child support - if he did, it was a bonus. she never stopped him seeing his son either. that attitude has stood her in good stead over the years. he is now a far more reasonable and responsible dad. he actually asks now if he can pay for things for GS. They don't have a 'brilliant' relationship. GS knows how his mum struggled, he treats his dad as a 'person in his life' in GSs own words. But, they DO have a fairly amicable relationship. to DD that is worth more than money.

Rachel83

We are getting along at the moment, although I quite often wonder why he's currently looking for a cash in hand job, he says he won't see his children without. Which to be honest they already go without, oh well.

Feeling a lot brighter today anyways, the situations no different just a few more setbacks!

justme111

Rachel83 wrote: »

We are getting along at the moment, although I quite often wonder why he's currently looking for a cash in hand job, he says he won't see his children without. Which to be honest they already go without, oh well.

Feeling a lot brighter today anyways, the situations no different just a few more setbacks!

Have you tried to suggest he buys things for kids directly, without you even touching the money

Rachel83

Yes I mentioned the shoes and he made no comment on paying for them, just spoke about how hard done by he is. Same with other things like out of school activitys, although previously he's told me that I'm the one who wants my daughter to do things they are not a necessity. Never mind last night was a set back, they won't go without from me anyway

justme111

Well to be fair he probably is hard done by in money sense indeed , you must be as well - both sides are poorer after split and in this economical situation where we all seem to be worse off than 5 years ago. I must been affected by my single mum's challenges because I feel for others in the same situation so much , I recgn kids benefit most from mother that enjoys them, not from mother that on a mission for them "not go without ".. glad to read you are better today x