disabled in a dilemma

alliboy03

Hello if I have posted this in the wrong place please advise me otherwise.
This is the pickle i'm in my older son who is 20 goes to uni and lives away. He is not in halls of residense any more as he is in his 2nd year. So he lives in a shared flat with other uni students.
I'm disabled and live with my 10 year old son all year round.
So I had my o.t come out last week with a man from the council from disabled andaptaions. They spoke to me for 3 hours about my needs and what they can do to improve my housing situation. I live in a council rented house which is extremly cold in the winter and the new heating system which the council put in has no affect on my drafty windows, damp on the walls, damp coming up through the floor's. I also need a downstairs toilet which they refuse to put in as it will cost them to much. My situation would only be helped by moving but the council said the would only put me at the top of the list if I downsize. Which means 2 bed house which effectivly if my older son comes home after he finish's uni he wont have his own room. The council said they wont move me into a 2 bedroom property till alex is not living with me anymore? what do I do?
I dont want to effectivly make my oldest child homeless in the future but I need to move for my health?
My 20 year old tells me he would never come back to the small town I live in and I should do what I like but having more experiance in life than he does i'm afraid he will be homeless and end up on my sofa in the future with no place to go. help please....:( In the mean time the council do nothing as they wont move me as they would cause overcrowding but they wont give me another 3 bed:(

soolin

Wild it not be possible to move to a 2 bed and let the 2 boys share when older son comes home? Your boys will both leave home eventually and you really ought to plan for your own needs in plenty of time .

alliboy03

Thank you so much for your reply. My older child is 20 the other is 10. The 20 year old goes out all night and can role in a stupid hours. Or he can just go to bed on regular basis very late i.e 6am. My 10 year old goes to school and goes to bed early etc. I cant see it working but I did think about it.

KxMx

I said much the same as Soolin on your other thread.

You can stay in a house which is bad for your health or move to a smaller one to improve your situation.

I'm afraid that really seems like a weak excuse to me.

If 20yo did have to come home then simply lay down rules about noise and make him sleep on the sofa if he comes home past a certain time instead. Making sure of course you don't tiptoe around him sleeping, he'll soon get the idea!

Therefore minimising disruption to the rest of the household.

Many people live with others who keep different hours and manage just fine with minimal sleep disruption etc.

alliboy03

The council would actually class that as over crowding so how is that a weak excuse? Yes I could lay down the law and I understand what you are saying.

cattie

A great majority of councils are improving council homes with the help of money from the Government known as the Better Homes/Improved Homes standard, so if your house hasn't been done yet, it will no doubt get done at some future point.

Even privately owned homes are cold & need the heating on a lot to keep them warm. Draughty windows can be improved by hanging thick good quality (preferably floor length) curtains. Or it's possible to buy a window film quite cheaply to put over draughty windows, which acts as a form of double glazing.

Carpet on the floors will also act as a good insulator & keep the place much warmer.

There are measures you can take yourself to make your home a better & warmer place for you & your 10yr old that don't cost the earth.

Your older son has already told you he doesn't think he'd ever want to come back to live with you, so it seems pointless worrying about what would happen if he did want to in the future. Nobody knows what the future holds & it is the here & now that is important, not something that in all likelihood will never happen.

You've been given the option of a move if you're willing to downsize, but you're not willing to consider that, so you need to look at ways you can improve the comfort of your current home yourself.

Very few people live in the kind of home that suits them perfectly & there is always something that has to be compromised on. You currently prefer to have a spare bedroom, that's something you're not willing to compromise on, so the compromise has to be some of the things you don't particularly like about your house.

alliboy03

cattie wrote: »

A great majority of councils are improving council homes with the help of money from the Government known as the Better Homes/Improved Homes standard, so if your house hasn't been done yet, it will no doubt get done at some future point.

Even privately owned homes are cold & need the heating on a lot to keep them warm. Draughty windows can be improved by hanging thick good quality (preferably floor length) curtains. Or it's possible to buy a window film quite cheaply to put over draughty windows, which acts as a form of double glazing.

Carpet on the floors will also act as a good insulator & keep the place much warmer.

There are measures you can take yourself to make your home a better & warmer place for you & your 10yr old that don't cost the earth.

Your older son has already told you he doesn't think he'd ever want to come back to live with you, so it seems pointless worrying about what would happen if he did want to in the future. Nobody knows what the future holds & it is the here & now that is important, not something that in all likelihood will never happen.

You've been given the option of a move if you're willing to downsize, but you're not willing to consider that, so you need to look at ways you can improve the comfort of your current home yourself.

Very few people live in the kind of home that suits them perfectly & there is always something that has to be compromised on. You currently prefer to have a spare bedroom, that's something you're not willing to compromise on, so the compromise has to be some of the things you don't particularly like about your house.

Im am willing to compromise and I will be talking to the council this week about downsizing. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I have done all I can to insulate this house regarding the council improving my home they will do no more as I have been clearly told by the council. but the positive outcome of people replying to me is I'm now considering downsizing and moving on from my dilemma which is what counts.
Thank you again for your polite reply best wishes to you.

wildwestfan

Remember if your older son does not return after uni you will have the 'bedroom tax' to pay.

soolin

alliboy03 wrote: »

The council would actually class that as over crowding so how is that a weak excuse? Yes I could lay down the law and I understand what you are saying.

Surely not if older son stated his intention of not returning home permanently.

I do admit though that I tend to overlook the strange social housing rules. to me 2 male siblings of any age sharing a room does not seem overcrowded, but then I am an older generation where even in the 70s and 80s we all shared rooms with siblings as our parents had been the first to buy their own houses and could only afford teeny ones.

I would worry though that you are putting others needs before your own. Neither son will live with you forever and I'm sure any child would want the best for a parent so they know they can manage when they move out.

TOBRUK

Allyboy03, I agree with what others here have said. Your oldest son is a 2nd year university student living away in a shared flat. Next year he will be graduating and with your present situation you will have to live in your damp, uncomfortable council rented house for at least another year if you stay there, after which there may not be a place with the council to which you can move - and your oldest son by then may be living away anyway! Will your oldest son stay on for a post grad course afterwards, or be looking for employment?

Whatever you son decides to do, he will be over 21 and old enough to stand on his own feet. There is nothing stopping him coming home and stay over, either sleeping in his brother's bedroom or on the sofa for his visits. By then he should be considerate enough to accept your rules when he visits.

After being away in university for 3 years and has a houseshare, you don't know if he will get employment near home or away. To be honest after 3 years away it is natural that he will want his own place anyway.

You must think of yourself and your youngest son - what is best for you both. It isn't good for your wellbeing or your young son being in a damp house! Your oldest son is an adult remember. As you have been offered better accomodation (although you would ideally want a 3 bedroom) which will benefit you and your young son, making life better and easier, it would be foolish to turn it down.

Morglin

alliboy03 wrote: »

Im am willing to compromise and I will be talking to the council this week about downsizing. Thank you for taking the time to reply. I have done all I can to insulate this house regarding the council improving my home they will do no more as I have been clearly told by the council. but the positive outcome of people replying to me is I'm now considering downsizing and moving on from my dilemma which is what counts.
Thank you again for your polite reply best wishes to you.

As the council will probably want your larger house, as soon as they can get it, and as you have disabilities, make sure you hold out for the right type of property, for your needs.

They have to take your disabilities into account, legally, so make sure they do, and also make clear about any adaptations they may need to do for you.

Good luck.

Lin