New start!

wotsit78

So I have separated from my husband of 7 years and I feel exhilarated, yes he is feeling very hurt the children are a little confused, but time will heal.
Have not been happy for about 5 years never thought it would get so far but it has.
So my question is who has gone through this?

I am feeling very mean for upsetting everyone but have achieved so much in the month we have been split it feels like a have become a new person surely this is good for the kids a confident hopefully soon working mother.

I have thought long and hard about this note the early hours! And I do believe fully in equal parenting the kids need us both. But it's been a month and I don't miss him in the slightest, just feeling like a bit of a b***h because I have brought pain on other people though I still feel I did the right thing.

And before anyone asks no one else involved.

ifstar

You only get one life and 5 years is a long time to be in an unhappy relationship. If it was never going to improve then it's far better to end it sooner rather than later. The most important people are the children, so if you and you ex can remain on decent amicable terms then it will be less of an impact on them.

Byzantium14

I was in an abusive relationship for 14 years and finally got out for sheer self-preservation. We had two young girls, who stayed with Mum. I don't regret ending the relationship, but I regret massively the effect it had on the girls. That is despite making huge efforts to keep things 'normal' and driving hundreds of miles every other weekend to see them - sometimes only for a couple of hours.

If you are leaving the children behind, expect some difficulties in the years to come. If you are taking them with you, expect the same for your ex. Sometimes, leaving a relationship is an absolute neccesity (it was for me, and it may be for you), but although I once believed that it could be managed so that the children didn't suffer, I don't believe that now. There is always damage.

wotsit78

Thanks for the replies, the children are still with me.
I think that is part of the reason why I feel bad for my husband.

dandelionclock30

He will still see them, honestly dont worry about him he will get over it. You only have 1 life and you dont want to be miserable and you may have ended up really hating him if you didnt leave.
I wouldnt give him another thought after wishig him well.

marisco_2

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

I wouldnt give him another thought after wishig him well.

Not quite that simple when there are children involved in a marriage break up. For them to feel stable and secure they need to see their parents working together effectively, and showing each other respect and consideration. OP it will take time for all of you to adjust and be okay. I wish you well.

paulineb_2

I dont think its that simple either. To be honest I think its hard to give advice when there's been so little said about what went wrong (which is totally up to the OP to divulge or not) and what was done to try and sort things. 5 years is a long time to be miserable, but while the OP might feel exhilarated, her ex husband might not be and yes, stability for the kids is important.

neverdespairgirl

I think it might need more from both you and your ex to help the children adjust than just time, though - of course they are upset and confused now, and they'll need help as well as just time.

neverdespairgirl

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

I wouldnt give him another thought after wishig him well.

I don't agree with that at all. You need to give him, and his relationship as co-parent with you, a lot of thought!

Mojisola

wotsit78 wrote: »

I am feeling very mean for upsetting everyone but have achieved so much in the month we have been split it feels like a have become a new person surely this is good for the kids a confident hopefully soon working mother.

wotsit78 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, the children are still with me.

I think that is part of the reason why I feel bad for my husband.

Keep that thought in your mind as life moves on and make sure the children get plenty of time with him.

While the children are probably better off with a happy mother rather than a sad one, they won't be if they lose contact with a good father.

Byzantium14

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

He will still see them, honestly dont worry about him he will get over it. You only have 1 life and you dont want to be miserable and you may have ended up really hating him if you didnt leave.
I wouldnt give him another thought after wishig him well.

Sorry, but that is unimaginably cruel. I can't believe I have read this.