Driving insturctors - help please

top_drawer_2

Hello

I'm having loads of trouble with learning to drive. I've been learning forever and I am sick of it. I've had so many lessons and various instructors (onto my 4th in this 12 month period) and I don't know what to do anymore.

This year I've had C who was terrible, lazy, critical and rude spending more time on his phone than he did anything else or singing shanty songs causing me to be distracted. C2 who told me about his depression / anxiety / inability to support his family issues eventually dumping me because I didn't fit into his 9-3 schedule. Z who was great but then without warning disappeared off radar for a week (a cram student was mentioned), then "lost his phone" and still no contact.

Now I'm with S who is nice but talks and talks and talks (often repeating himself) ... he gets "het up" in situations such as a three point turn when he's snapping "left, left, left" at me causing it all to go wrong. Later I moved right to account for a narrowing road coming up to a Zebra crossing and then we were to turn left, immediately after. He demanded to know why I've moved into the middle of the road which interrupted my thought processes and caused the whole thing to go wrong. Today I've said that he should have left that situation as there was no danger (no-one taking over on the right / no approaching cars) and to an extent he seemed to reflect and agree (without ever admitting he might be wrong!).

He's critical as in NOTHING is ever beyond OK, I'm an extremely critical person (of myself mainly) but even I can see if I've done nothing actually "wrong" then its pretty good.

I manage a roundabout correctly doing everything in good time - "not too bad" , I tackle a junction correctly - silence means its acceptable.

Admittedly I am not perfect - I am "inconsistent" in terms of application - can sometimes manage roundabouts / junctions and sometimes I forget P & S/G. I don't know how to tackle this as "in the moment" I don't have time to remember to go back to the basics of MSPS/G.

I'm sick of learning now but I have a deadline to meet of this June (asap), S goes away in May for 6 weeks although he seems to have a completely blank diary.

Please be kind as I can do without "honesty" read hard judgements, I am well aware its all my fault since I'm the one driving, its costing me an absolute futune - I basically work to pay driving lessons atm.

I don't know whether to swap to someone else (again), who to go too if so or whether its just me and I'm just not meant to drive.

Thanks

BeenThroughItAll

top_drawer wrote: »

Hello

I'm having loads of trouble with learning to drive. I've been learning forever and I am sick of it. I've had so many lessons and various instructors (onto my 4th in this 12 month period) and I don't know what to do anymore.

This year I've had C who was terrible, lazy, critical and rude spending more time on his phone than he did anything else or singing shanty songs causing me to be distracted. C2 who told me about his depression / anxiety / inability to support his family issues eventually dumping me because I didn't fit into his 9-3 schedule. Z who was great but then without warning disappeared off radar for a week (a cram student was mentioned), then "lost his phone" and still no contact.

Now I'm with S who is nice but talks and talks and talks (often repeating himself) ... he gets "het up" in situations such as a three point turn when he's snapping "left, left, left" at me causing it all to go wrong. Later I moved right to account for a narrowing road coming up to a Zebra crossing and then we were to turn left, immediately after. He demanded to know why I've moved into the middle of the road which interrupted my thought processes and caused the whole thing to go wrong. Today I've said that he should have left that situation as there was no danger (no-one taking over on the right / no approaching cars) and to an extent he seemed to reflect and agree (without ever admitting he might be wrong!).

He's critical as in NOTHING is ever beyond OK, I'm an extremely critical person (of myself mainly) but even I can see if I've done nothing actually "wrong" then its pretty good.

I manage a roundabout correctly doing everything in good time - "not too bad" , I tackle a junction correctly - silence means its acceptable.

Admittedly I am not perfect - I am "inconsistent" in terms of application - can sometimes manage roundabouts / junctions and sometimes I forget P & S/G. I don't know how to tackle this as "in the moment" I don't have time to remember to go back to the basics of MSPS/G.

I'm sick of learning now but I have a deadline to meet of this June (asap), S goes away in May for 6 weeks although he seems to have a completely blank diary.

Please be kind as I can do without "honesty" read hard judgements, I am well aware its all my fault since I'm the one driving, its costing me an absolute futune - I basically work to pay driving lessons atm.

I don't know whether to swap to someone else (again), who to go too if so or whether its just me and I'm just not meant to drive.

Thanks

No offence meant here, but are you by any chance at the cheaper end of the instructor market?


My wife spent several years learning to drive with several different instructors and getting nowhere. Eventually I stumped up the cost of lessons with BSM and she did really well and passed her test at the second attempt (nervousness cost her the first).


Nine years later, she is one of the few drivers with whom I will get in a car as a passenger.


I'm sure there *are* great driving instructors elsewhere at lower cost, but her experience was similar to yours.

Stoke

Here's something, how often do you take lessons? I have a close friend who found it very difficult to pass their test because they drove so irregularly. It's no coincidence that when you pass your test, the more often you drive, the better you become and the more confident you are at tackling situations. Even experienced drivers who have a period away from driving can make the odd amateur mistake once they're back in a vehicle.

If you don't fit in someones schedule, they're no good. Bin them. You need to be having at least 2 lessons a week, possibly more. If you have a family member or friend who will take you out, then perhaps get into the habit of driving 3 or 4 times a week.

I have no idea how far you are from passing your test, but the day before mine, I drove from Stoke to Derby with my dad. Quite a long distance trip, with fast, slow and difficult driving, and really good practice. I felt very confident the next morning and passed with only a few minors. That might not work for everyone. Some young drivers get tired when forced to do long driving etc because they're nervous and worried but I found that getting into the habit of driving a proper route helped me the next day.

ilikewatch

Why not just borrow a car and take a couple of tests? Even if you don't pass you'll get some feedback that you can have confidence in.

InsideInsurance

How are you finding these people?

From my limited understanding, the process of becoming an instructor doesnt really test your ability to actually teach. Even if it did different people have different learning styles and so no 1 teacher will be perfect for everyone.

Personal recommendations with driving instructors is key. Arguably a good private tutor should be very busy and so be slightly wary of those with lots of slots they can put you in.

You should be able to tell fairly quickly if you like an instructor or not so only book one or two lessons with one and if you dont get on, ditch them and find another.

Ideally, get out and practice with anyone else you can between lessons as it is a lot about practice practice practice and big gaps between lessons are bad

IanMSpencer

Having assisted a number of learners, the criticism I pick up from your post is that perhaps you aren't good at understanding when you are doing something wrong. When learning to do something, you need to practise doing things right, practising doing things wrong doesn't help. It sounds like you've taken initiative when not really having the basics in place. Driving practice is the way to get the basics embedded in your mind. So on your zebra instruction thing, they really simply want you to drive on the left of the road, never to cross centre lines. Perhaps you have picked things up from family or friends and are doing things they tell you are OK when to pass the test - and to drive to a higher standard - you need to follow the instructor's advice. You will fall out with any instructor if you say things like "I was told to do this by my mate who is a very good driver."

Are you learning in a built-up area? When things got too tough with my daughters, I'd take them out for a long easy drive to relax both of us.

Having said that, you need an instructor you have confidence in. You need to get a local recommendation from a person in a similar position. It sounds like you are a bit of a difficult subject, you're had mediocre instructors who haven't got the ability and patience to give you confidence. It sounds like you argue with them rather than accept that they have a system for driving that works. They mostly work with teenagers who are used to bring told what to do, so they may not be good with real adults.

What you cannot do is force the pace. Panicking and wanting to do the last lessons when you haven't nailed the basics of the early lessons isn't going to work. If things go wrong under pressure then you haven't got the basics embedded, so you need to go back over the basics until they are automatic.

That's the fundamental - learning to drive is going through the normal processes of driving until they are instinctive. You need an instructor you trust so you don't panic.

Final point. Driving is a privilege not a right, and for everyone's sake you need to be able to drive safely. There is nothing in driving a car that requires special abilities, so it is a matter of finding someone who can gain your trust.

Simple answer, change instructors, don't continue with someone who is distracting you rather than supporting you.

Stoke

Agree with both the previous two posts.

Regarding what Inside said, he's spot on. Personal recommendations are really important. While it's not about doing something for a mate, it can't hurt to go with someone who's got a proven track record.

Ian is correct too. You need to be safe, and forcing the issue won't help. If you force it, you'll stress yourself out to the point that you don't enjoy it. It's normal to be nervous, but fundamentally, driving should be a pleasurable experience as well. One that you enjoy. You don't want to get yourself into the situation where you've forced it to the point your confidence is shot and don't want to take anymore lessons. That helps nobody.

Nodding_Donkey

There is also the point that some people just can't drive.

IanMSpencer

Nodding_Donkey wrote: »

There is also the point that some people just can't drive.

I've seen examples of that, usually with very late learners.

I was terrified by my mum who failed her test a couple of times and nearly killed us by not slowing down for a bend because dad didn't say anything. She didn't learn because she had been a teacher for years and she couldn't cope with being told she was doing things wrong. She didn't think it was fair that she failed for going through a red light because it changed suddenly.

A friend's dad simply never made the connection between the steering wheel and the direction of travel of the car!

However, there is nothing especially difficult about driving. I'd say it was like swimming. The only reason people (without physical impairment) can't swim is because they haven't learnt.

hatter68

Get a copy of Roadcraft the police drivers handbook it's got good reputation, there is also dvd as well. Might give you some confidence and teach good habits. Don't give up I failed 3 tests before passing.

top_drawer_2

Hello

Thank you everyone for your responses, I was quite upset on Thursday and I'm glad to have had a complete break from it over this past few weeks.

Been through it all - I don't feel I am at the "cheaper end of the market" at £19 an hour although I did go and price up BSM and they are a few ponds more expensive...

Stoke - this past week I've been off work so I had an hour and half on Monday / Tuesday / Wednesday and Thursday. Normally I have around an hour and half twice a week. I wish driving others around was an option but no-one in my family is willing to allow me to use their car (and they tend to be a little "short tempered").

This person I found through a friend (thinking recommendation was key), he's her relative who I had assumed she had had lessons with (but found it too much) but it turns out she has never had lessons with him at all .... Previously I've used recommendation, a pin in the phone book and going off their website / fb page...

I agree that the driving instructor training doesn't train you to teach as such, the lure of earning £30,000 and working hours to suit yourself means that the job attracts all sorts ....

Ian - I'm definitely not been told anything as you suggest but I will argue my case for why I've done what I did. I have had A LOT of hours on the road and yes some of my insturctors were laxical daixical about following a routine meaning I've sort of managed without one for so long .. its relearning it all again which is actually harder than doing it the first time.

I feel bad about dumping him as suggested as he had made himself very available for me (he's apparently "winding down" to his extended holiday in May) meaning that I MUST get my test done if I want to do it in his car and he hasn't been charging me strictly by the clock (30 mins here and there). I know a very young, close relative of his died last year and he seems a different bloke to the one I've heard about from my friend.....

Thanks