Confused about best path!

emsywoo123

Hi MSE,

It's been a while since I asked for advice on here, but you're an honest and patient crowd so it seemed the best place! :j

Basically, I am a single mum to a 10YO DD and 3YO DS. I run a home based business, that is ok but never going to set the world on fire.

I am studying with the OU for a business degree, and I am just finishing first year, with 4 years to go. The intention then is to go back to the city and work in HR.

A few months ago, I applied to transfer to a brick uni to complete my degree in just 2 years. This didn't seem to come to much, but now looks quite likely.

The problem is, I am bored and hate my job. If I go to a brick uni, I have to stay with my business for another 2 years as I cannot work and be there. If I stay with OU, I could potentially look for work sooner, obviously with no guarantee of a job and still with 4 years of study.

On top of all this, I have no family support in terms of childcare.

I am at a loss as to what to do. And feeling pretty isolated at the same time.

Any advice or thoughts would be really appreciated at this point because I have to make some decisions and I just don't know what to do.

Thank you, and apologies for waffling. It's a talent :rotfl:

justanopinion

I left Uni 10 years ago having completed a degree in HR and I only had eight hours of structured lessons and tutorials a week. The bulk of the time was spent doing independent research. Perhaps you could still continue working from home on a cut down basis or pick up more at weekends?


Check out and see if your University has a nursery on site. I know mine didn't 10 years back, but now with a push for mature students, they have started appearing. Also chat with the SU office - we had another department that was great with advice, but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was called now!

tom9980

Brick uni's have child care on site! it is very common.

If something is boring don't do it, you will never be productive and happy doing something you don't enjoy, it is a recipe for unhappiness.

emsywoo123

Childcare is only an issue because DS will be at school from Sept (DD is all sorted) so I am a bit bound - uni might be feasible as I can sort something one day a week maybe, but if I go back to the city (my only choice to get the money to make this whole crazy plan worthwhile) then I am not sure what would happen 3.30-6.30 when I would get back.

I feel completely trapped and isolated into staying in this exact life for the next 4 years. I cannot go back to work FT as I have school runs, and if I transfer to uni then I *know* I am definitely stuck for 2 years.

pukkamum

em have you considered an au pair? This could be the answer if you have a spare room, not only could she help with childcare etc, if you pick the right one she could become a good friend and support.

emsywoo123

pukkamum wrote: »

em have you considered an au pair? This could be the answer if you have a spare room, not only could she help with childcare etc, if you pick the right one she could become a good friend and support.

I'm not sure about an au pair - the thought of sharing a home with someone freaks me out a little bit as we are tight for space, but you have made me think about like one of those "mother's help" people. Do people do that?

But I should wait til DS is older shouldn't I? I was in the city yesterday and it just made me realise that is where I need to go. I sort of knew before but I have spent years doing this job and I kinda feel done with it.

I am posting here in part because I know it makes me a bad person to even consider a career when I have small children, who solely rely on me.

Whoever said women can have it all was clearly deluded.

pukkamum

em why on earth would considering a career with small children make you are a bad person?


What it makes you is a hard working, responsible mum who wants to show her children that you can have a career and a family, it just takes more effort and sacrifice.


You can definitely get a mothers help type person, when I was a college I worked for a family doing after school and some babysitting, they had advertised at my college where I was a child care student.
It was great I got paid and got to use the kids for my case studies.


I hate the 'having it all' phrase, it implies greed and selfishness, it's not selfish to want to better yourself and it's not greedy to want to earn a decent wage.


What you have to ask yourself though is are you willing to sacrifice time with the kids when they are little to pursue a career or could you in actual fact wait til they are a bit older and the guilt wouldn't weigh so heavily.
Not that I am saying you should feel guilty just that that is what is coming across in your post.

room512

When your younger son starts Reception could your children not go to an after school club? Also some schools offer full time places for 3 year olds, you just have to pay for the extra hours.

emsywoo123

Thank you all for your posts.

I think I know deep down that I just need to suck it up and carry on as I am, work wise. I do not think I would handle the guilt particularly well of not being there for them, particularly my son who is obviously so much younger.

Going back to the city is probably just a pipe dream now. I need to grow up and accept my responsibilities and stop thinking about it.