Ever feel under pressure? (kids,bills)

Heffi1

To put things into a different perspective, my grandparents raised 7 children in a 3 bed house so it is entirely do-able, nowadays we think children have to have their own room, they do not.

She had 5 boys and 2 girls and I remember my mum saying how she had so much room once her sister got married and moved out.

Obviously we all like to have space, but it is not a necessity it is a want and with 2 small children, they will have plenty of room until you decide you want somewhere bigger.

Don't saddle yourself with lots of debt in order to keep up with anyone else, it is your life you are leading and I bet the kids would be more than content to share.

A different way to look at the issue.

Gigervamp

My two eldest (son and daughter) shared a small bedroom until they were 9 and 7. Your eldest will be able to sleep in the top bunk if you get bunk beds.

We were renting a 2 bed flat, but once No.3 came along, we bought a 3 bed house. In order to afford a 3 bed, we had to move from SW London, to SE London.
Is moving out of your current area an option?

Beckyy

If you move out of London you could get a much bigger house with the same equity/mortgage figures as you currently have. Have a look on rightmove at the price difference in areas, depending on work it could really be worth you considering a move.

continualdiamond

I think everyone feels under pressure at times.

I'm 32 and hubby is 31. We have a 5mth old daughter and live in a 2 bedroom flat that is in negative equity and we have no savings.

2nd bedroom will be our daughters bedroom soon however it houses the hot water tank and the boiler which I don't like but do not have the funds to change it.

Our kitchen is only big enough to have 1 person standing in it to cook and we have no dining area. Hubby was made redundant last Feb, one mth after we found out I was expecting. It took him until July to find any work so his redundancy we lived off rather than being able to put it away.

He's on the minimum wage, which has seen us down £5,000 a year from his income alone. Of course I'm on maternity leave and just get the standard amount now, money from my job has stopped.

What will be will be. In an ideal world I want out of our flat and a house but with negative equity and no savings we have no chance at the moment. All we can do is hope things improve before we decide to have another child.

I have my off days about it all of course but then remind myself that at least we have a roof over our head and our little girl has what she needs. What will be will be, we just do the best we can with what we've got.

OuterNet

Just wanted to add a word of encouragement, and some ideas. I am expecting my first baby and have a one bedroom flat, similar income to you and your wife (and similar worries about space, we can't afford a two bedroom place at this point). We also don't have a car (can't afford that either, but luckily can live without in London), but do have some savings.

Being thankful: You're thankful for the good home and great children you have, keep focused on that, you are doing a great job!

As many posters have said, its okay for the children to share. My brother and I shared a room until we were 5 and 8, and could have gone on doing so much longer - we are really close now, and hopefully your children will be too, so you have 5 or 6 years before you actually NEED another room. In fact my cousins (one has two boys, the other two girls) children still share a room (girls are 16 and 12, boys are 11 and 13) and it works out fine.

One thing that has really helped a lot is blogs about how to live really frugally with kids - they haven't changed my income or the tiny size of my flat, but since reading them regularly I feel really positive that I can give my child everything he needs within my limited means. I know that doesn't help you get a bigger house, but I noticed your post talked a lot about worries and how you feel, and whilst you can't magic up a bigger house, you CAN change your mindset so you feel better and happier.

I particularly like minimalistmom.com which talks about how to strip back clutter to a minimum and minimise what you buy - this has helped me massively and I have cleared out three car loads of stuff and sold loads on ebay which has made my small home feel much more spacious, easy to keep tidy and saved me money. Also freeourkids.co.uk is great, and talks about bringing up a second baby without spending any money on non-essentials, and really encourages you to identify all the cheap and free ways to still live a good life. Both of these bloggers have two children, so will be particularly relevant for you.

There is also a great book How To Afford Time Off With Your Baby by Becky Goddard-Hill that I got from the library, which talks about loads of ways of saving money and earning money self-employed around your children. Maybe your wife could start doing some of these during her maternity leave, if you are getting Statutory Maternity Pay you can do self employed work to boost your income (although this is taxable) so that you can have a bit of a buffer for after maternity leave.

Also think about approaching your mortgage company, and seeing if you can have a payment holiday on your mortgage for a short period of time while your wife is on maternity leave. As you have a reasonable amount of equity, they may allow you to go onto an arrangement where you pay interest only or accrue interest but make no payments for a short period (e.g. 6-12 months). Okay, its not ideal, but if it means the family can manage over this difficult next year it could be a big help in managing your cashflow temporarily.

This time is financially tough, but think forward to 5 years time - both your children are both at school and your wife is working full time again and you are maybe earning more, and have paid off some more of your mortgage - hopefully things will be financially more settled then.

Good luck with your new baby. :j

thatgirlsam

I used to feel really worried about money all the time, and then someone said to me ' stop worrying, you can't starve to death in this country '. It did help me, I stopped worrying and we all have survived. We may not have the best house or car in the world but we proper love each other and kids don't tend to remember how much their toys cost etc


That's what I tell myself anyway :-)

DKLS

It was one of the many reasons why I choose not to have children, I have seen mates of mine who are parents age so much quicker they carry a huge responsibility and expectation to provide for their families, especially the poor sod who has been redundant 5 times in 6 years. He looks 20 yrs older than me when I last saw him.

thatgirlsam

Strange that the times when people struggled the most are often remembered as the happiest times. Reminds me of a line in a Dolly Parton song 'In the good old days, when times were hard'


Must be because the overwhelming memory is that of comradery and a sense of pulling together within the family rather than what you didn't have at the time


Interesting!

Counting_Pennies_2

I think it is probably the whole situation that is overwhelming you.


Having a second child can often send you off on a spin without feeling you have much control.


In terms of coping with working and having children, I have found most of my friends have struggled with the transition of their children going from nursery to school as nursery had longer days, and school is much shorter, and the children are then in two different locations for dropping off and collecting. I would suggest trying to locate what the likely school will be for your child and seeing what their opening hours are and before and after school clubs. You could even see if there is a childminder who could look after your children now, and accommodate taking the older child to school and having the baby with her all day, so they are in one location.


The best way of coping with the change is trying to have flexible plans in place in your mind that contains your ideal solution and a good back up.


You could also look at moving out of London, but in all honesty if you need to be working in London there are very few places that will be bigger for you to be able to afford the train commute and a mortgage


From the little knowledge I have there are places in Kent that offer cheaper housing options but you will have the train ticket to factor in of a couple of £1000s per annum. They have the highspeed train into St Pancreas and a slow one into Victoria. The other home counties are rather expensive due to the easy commute


Hope it helps

Counting_Pennies_2

One other thought to get through the cramped feel is to have a massive sort out of the flat. Amazing how much better you feel when every room has been cleared.


Have you looked in to having assistance with your outgoings and incomings to see where you can claw a bit more money back from life? Now is a good time to try.


There is a government service, I think it is called Mo, might be wrong, Citizens advice, and this website are all good