Not being treated like i should be by family inlaw

Starfish86

This website is not for me its many thanks

thorsoak

You say you have been with your girlfriend for 10 years now - do you actually live together?

How old are you and your girlfriend?

You could cut your girlfriend's family out of YOUR life - but you cannot expect her to cut them out of HER life.

Starfish86

My girlfrind is 29 im 30 .. i try to get along with her family but it just dont work i changed and tried to be better person but theres always somethink with them i know my girlfriend will never cut them out of her life im just trying to find a new way or try some different approach to get on but they wont change there ways so just feels like im stuck

LEJC

this is a tricky situation to handle and one that you may just end up "managing" rather than sorting out completely.


There is one way to stop the comments but that would involve not just cutting your girlfriends family from your life but your girlfriend too.


A lot of the time the spouses we choose are never good enough in some peoples eyes so it really is a case of rising above the comments...or actually next time a comment is made about your previous drinking,politely pointing out how long you have been sober.


You wont always change someones perception if they dont want to change it...and in honesty you will just wind yourself up more if you let them get to you.


You have been with your OH for a long while....what is her view on how they speak to you and about you,does she defend you or agree with them?

fivetide

What does it matter?

Do what you can and forget about them. Why does having their approval mean so much? What are you missing out on by not having them around?

If you trust your girlfriend then you have no issues.

From the above it sounds like you've been out of work for what? Six years? Getting back into employment and showing them you can take care of their loved one would be the best course of action if you do want them onside.

thorsoak

Starfish86 wrote: »

My girlfrind is 29 im 30 .. i try to get along with her family but it just dont work i changed and tried to be better person but theres always somethink with them i know my girlfriend will never cut them out of her life im just trying to find a new way or try some different approach to get on but they wont change there ways so just feels like im stuck

I don't understand - why do they need to change their ways? You've dealt with your alcohol problems, you're dealing with your mental health problems with help - you don't need their approval.

If you and your girlfriend are happy, then what they think or do should be of no concern of yours. Unless and until they impinge upon your relationship with your girlfriend, just ignore them - without being rude of course!

farfromhome

Starfish - Yes, I agree it's unfair when you have changed and some people still judge the old you and will not accept that you are now a different person. I would suggest keep on being polite and friendly whenever you have to meet your girlfriend's family but I personally would not go out of my way of trying to convince them any longer that you are now different; surely they must see that and be happy for your girlfriend.

And by the way congratulations on being sober for 9 years - that is an achievement you should be proud of; I am sure it's not easy.

Alikay

If one of my children was in a relationship with an alcoholic at age 19 (which your GF was when you got together), I'd be worried tbh. And if 10 years on, there were still issues with that partner such as mental ill-health and unemployment, my concern wouldn't have lessened at all. I guess I'd be inclined to occasionally voice my worries, and maybe this could be seen as "being a pest and opening my mouth".

Sorry, but I think their attitude towards you is not surprising given the circumstances, even if it IS a bit judgmental, and cutting them out of your life could create more problems than it solves. Staying sober, getting help with and learning to manage your mental health and getting a job so you can support yourself financially will almost certainly make things better (yes, I know...easier said than done:o)

newcook

To be honest, if you really want their approval you will need to get a job and start providing for you and your girlfriend. At the moment all they can see is their daughter with an unemployed ex-alcoholic with mental health issues – they probably do feel that she can do better, I know my parents did when I was in your girlfriends postion.

While I appreciate that its hard to get employment at the minute, make sure you are putting yourself out there for any job even if its voluntary.

jackieblack

According to another post the OP has made, he's now thinking of claming dole abroad and living in uk
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4923615

I'm sure that'll help with the GF's parents!

thorsoak

Starfish86 wrote: »

This website is not for me its many thanks

Oh. I wonder why not? :D