Bit of a vent

scrimper88

So due to me messing myself up financially and also due to loss of hours at work last year I ended in pretty bad debt. My credit file is shot to pieces littered with payday loans and ap markers for both my credit cards.
Recently it became apparent to me how much I had messed things up when reading about mortgages and credit files.
I keep having days (usually when the Mrs and our little girl are out and I'm on my own) where I sit and realise how much I messed up and I feel horrible that it's going to be a good 5 years or so before we can buy our own place.
I spoke to her about it and she said she didn't care and she would rent forever if it came to itand Iit it meant we were all fit and happy. But even after her saying this I just can't help feeling that iv let them both down. I love them both so much and want nothing but the best for them and I feel terrible that I could of possible hindered our future due to bad financial planning and being silly.

I don't really know what I'm expecting by putting this on here. I think I just needed to write it somewhere and vent it off.

DaveL84

I think the most important thing is that you have their support and are able to speak to them about the situation, as long as you have them and their support you can work at the debt and the situation you are in.



I promised myself that I wouldn't propose to my G/F until I have cleared my debt and are in a position were we can live together debt free and she was happy with this, so we know where we stand.



Being able to speak openly and honestly with your loved ones will help you no end.

Stewart_78

The truth is you have let them down. I have done the same. But we are only human and we make mistakes. The only important thing is that you deal with it head on and learn from it for the future. I know I have. You are lucky (like me) in that you have the support of your family.

You are not alone, far from it. We all try to do or best and occasionally we screw up. Make the wrong choices, go off the rails on spending etc.

Yes, you have a bit of a tough road in front of you in dealing with it but you will find a lot of support here. What you must do is be open and honest with your partner. Don't try to play the big man but just show that you have made some mistakes and are dealing with them.

One of the hardest things is getting out of what it sounds like you are doing, moping around the house when they are out, full of regrets. Been there too. It's time to be positive and decisive. If you want help with any aspects of any of your debts, start on this board. It's likely not as bad as it seems.

tallyhoh

I spent 24/7 at work to buy a house for my OH & son. Now I'm older I wish I still rented, can't afford the never ending maintenance on it.


Enjoy the time with your family while sorting your debts out.

scrimper88

I know what you mean tallyho that's one positive that when anything goes wrong it's fixed for free. ... Our chimney has fallen apart inside this week.... If we owned the house we'd be looking at 1200 to have relined apparently!

I only have 1400 left to pay on the bc and then that's my debt clear.... its just the six years after that I get down about because that's when we were hoping to buy!

tealady

Hi
Owning a house isn't the be all and end all. As long as your partner and children know that you love and care for them then posessions don't really matter,I feel that as long as you have someone in your life that you love and loves you then you have something that is priceless.
You are only human, just throw away that stick you are beating yourself with and enjoy what you do have.

debtbgone

In the spirit of positivity; you have 6 years to save an amazing deposit and the necessary Safety net for the maintenance costs.

I do appreciate your frustration, I feel like I should be in position to buy a house, but I'm just not yet. I've just got to work with what I've got. We place such high value on owning our homes xxx

thecassman86

debtbgone wrote: »

We place such high value on owning our homes xxx

Definitely, and it's odd why. I mean, i'm fortunate in that i could afford to buy my own house a few years ago but, as suggested above, it's meant that the maintenance etc is all my own responsibility. Perhaps my stance will change in the future but, as it stands now, i don't feel any better off by owning... In fact, i feel almost trapped. I got offered a job around 100 miles from where i live; a much better paid job etc. If i rented i'd certainly have gone for it. No question. Because i'm an owner, i couldn't.

Seriously OP, as your OH told you, your happiness and health is far far more important. Rather than beat yourself up about something that doesn't matter; enjoy this precious time while your daughter is young - before she starts bringing fellas back to meet you

Kate_fixing_it

Go and watch the Lion King with your daughter - she'll enjoy the time with you but get the song Hukuna Metata lodged in your head. You are beating yourself up over something you can't change because it's in the past. There's a great scene where the monkey hits the lion over the head with a stick and eventually the lion learns to dodge it.

We've all been in your shoes, learn from the mistakes of the past and move on. Much like Simba you have people who love you and the ability to move on to a better future. I have plenty of days where it all seems hopeless and an attack of guilt hits. No matter what you do you are going to feel guilty about something as a parent, set it aside and enjoy the moment, time moves incredibly fast so grab every second of it you can. .

Kate x

sourcrates

Hi,
I know people aspire to owning there own property, and in the past, when prices were down, and affordable, I would of said fine, go for it, but how on earth anyone can afford to buy a house today I just don't know, with an average price of £185.000 that's around 2 grand a month in repayments :eek:


where do people get it from ???
Unless you earn more than 40 grand a year you are stuffed, and the fact is most jobs today pay the min wage or a bit more, to me its just an impossible dream in this day and age.

Monkeyballs

Hi Scrimper,

Does your family in any way make you feel like you have let them down? Simper answer is NO

You feel bad because you look at what your friends and maybe other members of the family have and what is shown on TV

If you have let anyone down it is yourself for not appreciating what you have and wanting what you don't have and currently can't possess!

To me, it sounds like you have it good a loving family and an end in sight to your debts after which point you are your own man and when the bills are paid, what you have left in the bank is yours! Well, yours and your family's LOL

If it helps, plan a bit of a celebration for when the debts are paid and together as a family talk about what the future holds and laugh at all the bad habits which you're leaving behind

You're a lucky man!

MB