Query of spousal maintenance

CuppaTea

My Husband left the martial home in 2012. We have two primary aged children.

We are trying sort out a seperation agreement including finances.

Nearly all the terms have been agreed by both of us (using solicitors). I hv made lots of compromises in order to just get this wrapped up. However on the advice of my solicitor, I've a clause for spousal maintenance of 5pence a year. I have no intention of ever increasing it but u never know and its something I'm entitled to.

Yet my husband isn't happy. He wants a clean break. If we argue over this its just going to extend the legalities for longer. Its causing so much stress and aggravation that it would be easy to say "ok take it out" so we are still on track by end of march.

But part of me feels I shouldn't give in and this is a consequence of him going.

Any advice please would be welcome.

Thanks.

BitterAndTwisted

These days, when women should be fully able to support themselves, there rarely is any spousal maintenance granted. You are both responsible for supporting your children, however.

If you're serious about this crazy five pence a year business, and it's proving a sticking-point what really would be the point in insisting on it?

liney

Why?

What do you gain apart from 5 pence, and an irritated ex-husband? How will this benefit your two children?

msb5262

My marriage ended in divorce 9 years ago when my three children were all under 11. I didn't ask for or expect spousal maintenance on the basis that I am quite capable of maintaining myself. Child support is a different matter, and I've always been quick to correct anyone referring to the money paid by my ex as maintenance...it's child support! I don't really see why you're taking the "I may want to claim it in future" line - if you don't intend to claim it, don't. For me, if I'm honest it was a question of pride.

margaretclare

I would definitely go for a 'clean break'. What's the point? 5p a year? Nonsense.

Also, don't forget it can work both ways. You're never completely free. If you come into money, win the pools etc, he can claim against you.

I thought we'd got beyond the stage of having to be a 'kept woman'. Humiliating and old-fashioned. If no children are involved, no point in it at all.

margaretclare

Contrary to what I thought, and what others thought, DH thinks you shouldn't agree to the 'clean break', because of the dependent children.

DH himself has had 2 'clean break' divorces, but no dependent children were involved.

CuppaTea

Thank you all for your replies, I appreciate the responses even if some could have been worded more kindly. Is there really any need for put downs?

I politely asked a question for advice yet people seem they can just respond without respect.

My solicitor added in this clause as protection for me as I have ill health, I originally hadn't thought of it. I hope to be able to function and carry on as I have been, yet if I was unable to work in the future and was reliant on Employment and Support benefit, my question related to if I should have that clause, not would.

Having given it some thought today I have decided not to put the spousal maintenance clause in. But please next time please reply with some thought for people's feelings. In real life would be as blunt.or give no thought as how to word your response? I certainly would at least try to respond without hurting someone's feelings.

mgdavid

you didn't come across as overly-sensitive in your original post, so people will be straightforward.

CuppaTea

I shouldn't have to be over sensitive in order for people to reply respectfully.

BitterAndTwisted

I don't think anyone has been disrespectful. People can't be expected to be mindful of other issues which you have neglected to mention.

If you become too unwell to support yourself in the future, then state benefits would kick in and you would support yourself on that. It's not reasonable for a person you are no longer in a relationship with to be expected to support you now or at any time in the future, otherwise what would be the point of having a separation agreement at all?

liney

There is a difference between disrespect, and disagree.