Couples counselling

*SuzySue*

Is there any point in couples counselling if one party is still too angry to discuss the issues?

(One party is pushing for counselling within the next week as a last ditch attempt whereas the other wants space (i.e. temporary separation) to decide if there's any hope for the relationship.)

rachiibell

Tbh counselling only works if both parties want it to. I'd recommend the couple agree to have counselling at some point but do it on the more reluctant parties terms. I do a counselling module at uni and I've seen that it doesn't often work if the client isn't willing to fully participate and commit.

marisco_2

If someone feels too angry to discuss a problem one to one with a partner, it is very unlikely that they would wish to air all in front of a neutral third party, as a means of finding resolution and a way forward. For counselling to be beneficial both people need to want to seek that form of professional help and guidance. Yet one member of this couple is making it blatantly obvious, that all they want right now is space and to think things through by themselves. Personally I think that wish should be respected.

InsideInsurance

To go slightly contrary, it depends on the quality of the counselling and amount of time they are prepared/ paid to spend with you.

Whilst it is "couples" counselling that doesnt mean they cant see you individually too where they can deal with the anger issues in a less inflammatory situation than with the other partner in the room

*SuzySue*

The anger stems from being told that the other partner is leaving for a period of time (weeks), and wants no contact during that time etc blah blah blah. Packed their stuff and left. Other party started working out how to manage things during that time and was looking forward to some clear space to decide whether there was anything that they wanted to fight for. Within hours of leaving the leaver was back and insisting on couple's counselling the following day, despite the leavee feeling it is too soon, feeling robbed of their space and pressured etc.

rachiibell

*SuzySue* wrote: »

The anger stems from being told that the other partner is leaving for a period of time (weeks), and wants no contact during that time etc blah blah blah. Packed their stuff and left. Other party started working out how to manage things during that time and was looking forward to some clear space to decide whether there was anything that they wanted to fight for. Within hours of leaving the leaver was back and insisting on couple's counselling the following day, despite the leavee feeling it is too soon, feeling robbed of their space and pressured etc.

I stick by my original opinion in these circumstances. Each party needs to gather their own thoughts before entering couples counselling whether that's through individual counselling or just taking some time out to reflect.

ca55ie

As stated above both parties have to want counselling for it to have a chance of working. That said there is nothing to stop the party wanting counselling to seek some for themselves. It will help that person get a better handle on their own feelings.
Down side is that if you then go for couples counselling it can be very frustrating cos you already (hopefully) have a better insight insight into your own feelings than your partner.