Student, pregnant, sinking and in need of help :( *update*

ABetterLife

smilerx wrote: »

First of all, aged 20, preganant, living in a council flat, unmarried, the father of the baby not even mentioned and working one day a week? And then, attending uni on top of that?

Just wow.

And getting signed off sick on placement just goes to show how serious you are about your studies. It makes me feel that you're only bothering with uni because of the bursary, grant/loans. Just how will you continue to study/attend when you're in some hospital giving birth?

Also, for a uni student: T-Mobile, Vodaphone, Iphone and Ipad? Just goes to show what all that benefit money is being squandered on. And I really do think you wasted a lot of money when you moved into your flat. I know you said it was unfurnished. All you needed to buy was a bed, a cupboard and a fridge. You could have done without decorating the place and the baby doesn't need its own set of drawers for its things. Could it not fit in your own cupboard?? And you don't need a washing machine either. You could have washed everything by hand in the sink or bath tub and hung it to dry.

What really makes me laugh is: 'I went over my data for my iPad, meaning my bill was £100.'

You can't be all 'Oh woe is me I don't have money for my poor baby' as well as saying 'Oh no! I went over my data on my iPad!'

You really do need to get your priorities in order. Kids these days.

Wow. Just WOW. How someone can be so damned RUDE to somebody they don't know, I'm shocked.

Yes. I'm 20. Yes. I'm pregnant. I fell pregnant on birth control and wasn't going to put myself through an abortion when A) I didn't want one and I wouldn't be able to handle one. Yes. I'm living in a council flat, because I was made HOMELESS while pregnant. Would you rather I lived on the street? Yes. I'm not married. Sorry that my baby's father hasn't proposed to me yet to please you. You say I didn't mention him, would you like his full name and address?

Yes, I'm working one day a week and attending university. Why are you mentioning that as if it's a bad thing? :S would you rather I dropped out of university and claimed benefits? I'm at uni to make a better life for myself and I was already waiting to find out if I had my place when I found out I was pregnant, but I still decided to go ahead with it because, hey, I want a better life and to achieve my childhood dreams of becoming a midwife. Yes, I work one day a week to support myself because otherwise I wouldn't be able to pay any bills apart from my rent. Again, what is your problem with either of these things?

Thanks a lot. I got signed off sick from my placement because I was doing 37.5 hours a week at placement, and I still needed to work. I don't know about you darling, but working 47.5 hours a week (not to mention commuting) while 8 months pregnant (I would have been almost at the end of my pregnancy by the time it finished) plus trying to sort out the house which is still unsuitable for a baby ALONE is not feasible, not to mention the backache I'm suffering with and the LOW IRON. If I hadn't have been signed off from placement, I would have been working 14 days in a row some weeks. Luckily, my university and doctor understood that that is not doable and fully supported my decision to postpone my placement until I come back to uni. But thanks for judging me for not being a superwoman though.

Yep. I'm just going to university for the bursary when I was earning twice the amount I get now when I was working full time before starting uni. Yep. I'm putting myself through debt and stress going to university just for £538 a month. How did you figure me out?!

I'm starting to wonder if you read my post at all or if you just saw someone who's struggling and decided to stamp on them further. I SAID I will be going on maternity leave, which is a right afforded to NHS students. I am going back in a year's time to finish my studies.

I don't get benefits :S yes, I did need a washing machine. NHS uniforms can not be washed by hand, they need washing in 60 degrees. Furthermore, I am not going to sit there washing both my clothes, my daughter's clothes and her washable nappies by hand when I have a newborn to look after, and certainly not when I go back to university. I did not waste money replacing rotten lino and buying myself basic things that people need. Yes, the baby does need her own chest of drawers.

I do not have Tmobile, iPhone, iPad and Vodafone. I have an iPad on Tmobile and an iPhone on Vodafone.

Yes, I accidentally went over my data. I'm glad that makes you laugh. I am not saying 'woe is me, I don't have money for my poor baby', I am asking for practical advise and explaining my situation. Clearly, you have nothing of value to add but vitrol so why did you bother click reply?

I am not a kid, do not patronise me. I am a young adult. If you think you're a fine example of an 'older adult' then think again, because your rudeness and judgement is completely uncalled for.

You criticise me for being a 'young, pregnant, working student who lives in a council flat' then in the same breath accuse me of going to uni for the money?! Wow

Edit: lol, looking at your post history you clearly have some sort of superiority complex and a problem with students to boot, so I think I won't let you goad me

ABetterLife

anotheruser wrote: »

If the phone bill is 22 months until finishing, that means you got it out just two months ago, which is 8 weeks.

If the father of the baby left you when you were 6 weeks pregnant, then you got the phone contract when you were already in trouble. Bad decision.

If you do a huge trolley shop, but take the bus anyway, why not switch to another cheaper supermarket and go more often? If you have a travel pass then it should at least get you to another food store. Have you thought about food banks?

Buy a hot water bottle or three.
They are much better for heating, although with a new baby, you will need the heating anyway.

What about family and friends? Local church?
You can't do everything at once. No way will you be able to be a Mother while studying at Uni, but kudos to you for doing what you can now.

Sorry I have nothing more to offer.
I can't understand how people get like this to begin with

I was not in financial trouble when I took out this contract. Like I said, it was having to furnish the house and the gas/electric bill plus not being able to work last month that made me fall behind. Before that, I was fine. It's a learning curve for me also, I've never lived alone. I've paid rent to my parents and been mostly self sufficient since I was 16, but that's completely different to being completely responsible for all bills/food/etc. I did, however, already acknowledge that getting such a high contract was a stupid idea, not much I can do about it.

It depends how much of a saving it is for me. I don't feel like I spend too much in Sainsburys and I get nectar points also. I do, however, think I should switch to cheaper brands. I'm not adverse to food banks, but not sure how they work/if they have an eligibility criteria.

I don't mind not having the heating on. I suspect I shouldn't need it much on maternity leave. When I'm in the house for an extended amount of time I tend to just put a cardi on and sit under the covers and keeps me plenty warm I might just start putting it on low when the baby comes to it takes the chill out of the air without consuming too much.

Family and friends can't help too much in the way of money unfortunately. My Dad recently gave me some money to help me with my rent but although he's a criminal barrister, he's massively struggling himself however, people have helped out in some ways and Freecycle has been massively useful to me! Not sure about local churches, I'm an atheist so don't really know much about what they can do.

I can be a mother and study. It will be hard, don't get me wrong, but plenty of people do it and manage. I have no choice anyway. The way I see it, it's my responsibility to make a better life for me and my baby girl and I can't do that in a crappy minimum wage job or on benefits. Plus I've had dreams of becoming a Midwife since I was 6 years old and have been working towards that for years so no way am I giving up on that just because I'm having a child! And thank you!

Not to worry, I've been given lots of useful advice and things to think about already

People get 'like this' because situations change and the cost of living is high.

ABetterLife

smilerx wrote: »

Your reply speaks for itself. Don't throw a hissy fit just because you don't like what others have got to say. If you were earning so much more before then you should have waited before starting uni. You could have waited until your child was a few years older and in school before attempting a degree. That way, you could have saved up money and you wouldn't be in this mess. You're reply has an obnoxious tone.

Managing as a single parent is quite admirable in this day and age. However there is nothing admirable about some little girl who's gone and got herself pregnant, living off her bursary and loan and whining about how she can't pay for her phone and ipad.

And it's a BABY. Its things can fit in your cupboard, no problem. If you really don't have space then why not sell some of your clothes to make room for the baby's things?

All I can say is, I hope your girl doesn't grow up to turn out like her mother. Unmarried, pregnant and struggling. Like the world needs any more of that.

I had my place (and I go to a top Russel Group university) already, so no way would I have risked giving that up.

I hope my little girl doesn't grow up to be pregnant and struggling. Not because it's anything to be ashamed of, but because I don't want her to struggle and I want her to be so very happy

If she doesn't get married, I am not bothered. I believe in marriage and think it's a wonderful thing but it's not the be all and end all. I know plenty of people, including my Mother and Stepfather who have been together for years happily and in strength without marriage. Likewise, I know people who have been married and gotten divorced and are unhappy and lonely now. It's not a magic wand.

I hope one day you grow up and learn to be nicer to people instead of being judgemental and rude. I hope my little girl doesn't grow up to have an attitude as awful as yours, as then I've gone wrong somewhere.

Good day

Lokolo

What is your gas and electric usage?

Do you take readings every month? If not, you should be. I have records for 2 years, every 1st of the month I check the meter.

Have you worked out what else you will need when the baby comes?

Now for a little rant. On a side note, this may be harsh but sort it bloody out with the data on the ipad. There is NO excuse to go over the data limit. There are apps out there which record the amount of data, and given you have data on it you can log in online and see your current usage for this months bill. NO excuse. /Rant

jamesperrett

ABetterLife wrote: »

Not sure about local churches, I'm an atheist so don't really know much about what they can do.

Around our way, quite a few of the mother and baby groups are church based and most of them are very welcoming, whatever your beliefs. It is a good way to get out of the house, meet other parents and, if you are lucky, have some free tea and cake!

Katem

OP - I don't have any further advice from the excellent contributions to this thread, but I think you're in such a horrible situation and I hope that you sort yourself out soon. Don't let this current situation spoil your enjoyment of your first baby - years later all of this will not matter a bit, but missing out on those first few special weeks will.

Secondly, there are some really vicious posters on this forum. Not just this thread, but others too, I notice this time and time again. I would imagine you can't really be a truly happy person, if you've so much viciousness and lack of empathy for fellow human beings. This situation isn't related to stupid frivolous decisions based on selfishness, it's just a bad situation that has spiralled. Life has a funny habit of doing that, when you're in a hole, it's hard to get out of it.

To those who can't actually say anything nice, I'd say this: Haven't you ever made a mistake, cocked up and needed help or advice to bail you out? I reckon if you haven't got anything nice to say, then !!!!!!.

ABetterLife

Blitzwing85 wrote: »

TV License is easy enough to start/stop. You can just do it online if you want. Log in to their site using your license number and post code and fill in the form about no longer needing a license.
To start up again, you just do the same online and payments just start again from the time you sign back up.

I haven't had one for a couple of years now but it was simple enough the times I changed it.



Not really sure on the gas/elec front. Is the £100 what you're actually using? Or is that just your DD amount and your account is in credit?
You don't have to really do anything yourself when switching though. Just head over to a site such as 'uswitch' or something and put in what you use/pay and they will recommend the best one. Once you click to switch, the new provider does everything for you.

It takes 4-5 weeks to switch though.

But by what you're saying, I can't see how you can be using more than £40-£50pm of gas/elec!!
Energy companies are useless though. I've had 2 instances recently of people being harassed by 2 different energy companies saying they owe them money only to find out the energy company owes them money. One was £415, the other about £200.
I still can't even access my account as it still logs in to my previous address 4 months after I moved and I've told them twice to change it recently.


Not much you can do with the phone then but you can pick up a refurbished kindle fire for £80 or something from Amazon quite often. My wife got one for £90 6 months ago and it's almost brand new.
So certainly could be worth getting out of that contract and picking up a comparable cheaper device.


TCB doesn't get you much in the way of free money so it's not terribly useful when trying to save by NOT spending.
There are ways though.

I signed up to lovefilm free trial (£15 cahsback) then got my parents to create a TCB account from my referral, then then did an onlone grocery shop with 2 places to earn £10, which netted me another £20. On top of me doing online grocery shops I ended up with about £50 for 15 minutes effort.

Try doing your grocery shopping with various places online as you often get good coupons on first order. Tesco often do £15 off and Sainsburys often do too.
Waitrose offer £5 cashback and vouchers as well. To many they are expensive so it depends on what you buy as to whether the coupons are worth it there.

Broadband is really cheap (as low as about £3 per month for 6 months) but it's the line rental that knocks it up unfortunately.

Surveys are hit and miss for people. Seem to work well for me but others have no luck with them.
I think, unfortunately being a single mum is a criteria they likely have more people to fullfill.

Fro mthe ones I use, the most regular payouts are from:
globaltestmarket
valued opinions
harrispoll
panelbase

Also use:
new vista live
toluna
mindmover
research opinion
gratis points
gfk media

I just sign up to loads mostly to get invited to focus groups or online polls and panels. Those tend to pay out the most but you only get 1 or 2 a year.
Applied for one recently that pays out £500 total but doubt i'll get accepted as don't fit the criteria that well

Thanks Blitzwing

If I stop it now, it will still cover me for this month as I have already paid, right? So I could stop it for next month and be covered this month.

Yep, they're from meter readings. I don't do DD because I feel it's a slippery slope so I pay on receipt of bill but supply meter readings to see where I'm at. My account is currently at £0.00 until my next bill is due (27th April, then payment due 11th May).

Okay, that's good to know. The gas/electric I've used so far would be transferred to the new provider? I just don't know who to pick. I spoke to BG and got my daily standing charge and kwPh for gas/electric so that's what I'm comparing against. Cooperative has a cheaper kwPh for both but a more expensive daily standing charge. Not sure about the others yet as I couldn't get through to them yesterday (EDF and Npower).

I don't see how I am either! In fact, I submitted a meter reading yesterday so I'm going to submit another one now and see how much it's increased since yesterday, bearing in mind I've BARELY had the heating on.

So..

£136.52 gas

£74.52 electric

Total = £211.04. £2.39 since yesterday. Does this seem right?!

Not surprised about the energy companies. They seem ruthless. I wish I could just run this house on renewable energy, ha. Who are you with?

Kindle fire? Hmm, is it just for reading books or can you go online with it too?

Duly noted RE TCB.

That's a smart idea! Well done

I've already shopping with Sainsburys online so can't use any coupons for money off but I could try Tescos. I need to get some shopping so I look around for a voucher then go online I have a Clubcard too!

I know! That's what bugs me. I don't need line rental as I have unlimited minutes and I use 0800 wizard or SayNoTo0870 when I need to call 08 numbers. I was looking at the Virgin broadband only deal but it costs as much as getting line rental + broadband. Grr. Any ideas why they force expensive line rental on you?

I'll bookmark them, thanks!

I've signed up to research panels. I get emails from them regularly but didn't have the time before to go to them. I could look into them more on my mat leave

Thanks again for your help and suggestions!

ABetterLife

Lokolo wrote: »

What is your gas and electric usage?

Do you take readings every month? If not, you should be. I have records for 2 years, every 1st of the month I check the meter.

Have you worked out what else you will need when the baby comes?

Now for a little rant. On a side note, this may be harsh but sort it bloody out with the data on the ipad. There is NO excuse to go over the data limit. There are apps out there which record the amount of data, and given you have data on it you can log in online and see your current usage for this months bill. NO excuse. /Rant

(between 1st Oct - 31st Dec)

Gas - 2302.20 kwh

Electric - 228.78 kwh

I do do reading regularly but not at a set time. I think that would be a good idea to do it like that, the 1st of each month. I'll note that down in my diary :money:
I don't think I need anything else for her really. I've got lots of clothes in different sizes and in the house, when it's warm enough, she can just wear a nappy. She has a buggy to last her at least until she's 2 and I have carriers also. I'm going to breastfeed and I have a breast pump for expressing, plus bottles. I'm planning to use reusable nappies and have a sizable stock plus a voucher to buy some more, and I have some disposables to get me through the first few weeks. When she starts solids, she can just eat what I'm eating chopped up/pureed. She has a donated bouncer, baby bath/mat station, toys and two gyms to keep her occupied and I'm always on the lookout on Freecycle for anything else I need. I've bought a few things off eBay for her and I get some stuff from sample packs (Emma's diary, Bounty). She will sleep in the bed with me and I have a donated moses basket and stand too. All I need is her now!

RE rant - I know, I know *hangs head*. Like I said, it was a mistake - hasn't happened before and won't happen again. I don't actually use the data on my iPad because I usually tether it to the iPhone but the mast for my iPhone signal was down for over a month, and I started tethering my iPad to the computer forgetting I only have 2gb data. An annoying one off.

Thanks for the response!

ABetterLife

Katem wrote: »

OP - I don't have any further advice from the excellent contributions to this thread, but I think you're in such a horrible situation and I hope that you sort yourself out soon. Don't let this current situation spoil your enjoyment of your first baby - years later all of this will not matter a bit, but missing out on those first few special weeks will.

Secondly, there are some really vicious posters on this forum. Not just this thread, but others too, I notice this time and time again. I would imagine you can't really be a truly happy person, if you've so much viciousness and lack of empathy for fellow human beings. This situation isn't related to stupid frivolous decisions based on selfishness, it's just a bad situation that has spiralled. Life has a funny habit of doing that, when you're in a hole, it's hard to get out of it.

To those who can't actually say anything nice, I'd say this: Haven't you ever made a mistake, cocked up and needed help or advice to bail you out? I reckon if you haven't got anything nice to say, then !!!!!!.

Thank you!

I'll bet I'll be okay soon. I should get a little extra help from CB and CTC, plus my MA and NHS maternity bursary, and if I make cut backs here and there I should be okay. Maybe even in a position to build those savings I had to spend back up!

I'll try not to. I haven't enjoyed my pregnancy at all because of everything (being made homeless, falling out with my mother, baby's Dad leaving me, stress of trying to stay on track at uni while moving, being in temp accom, money worries and now the mentally/socially unstable neighbours all over this block etc) but I'm determined to relax in my last few weeks and I am SO excited to meet my little girl! She's already a ray of sunshine in my life and I am already even MORE determined than I already was to work hard and get us out of this awful flat/area and into a good financial position. I want her to have opportunities, to not grow up in deprivation. I want both of us to be happy because I am so miserable at the moment and it's not fair on her to have a sad Mummy.

And I agree. His response was totally uncalled for and obviously crafted to hurt and degrade. I'd understand if I was posting saying "I'm on 1000 a month benefits and I want more to pay for my cigarettes, Sky TV and gambling, plus I'm planning on having another child soon and I don't ever want to work" but I'm not. I got pregnant unexpectedly but decided to keep going forward and working towards a better life and education. Yes, I have a few luxuries and have made some silly decisions, but ultimately I'm trying and I'm getting somewhere.

Honestly, I am proud of myself for getting this far. I was at rock bottom some months ago. Nowehere to live, having to seriously consider dropping out of my top University because of the rent at the temp accom, crying daily, no support and then moving into a grotty, dirty, undecorated and empty flat with all my stuff in boxes and sleeping on a mattress on the floor day after day.

I have worked really hard to stay at uni, sort out this flat and make the best of a bad situation, even when it's meant working myself to the point of getting ill. I could have taken the easy route of dropping out of uni, claiming HB to pay for the temp accom, getting this rent paid for me and then claiming all the benefits under the sun after my baby was born with no view of going back to work. But I didn't, because I don't want that - I want a career, something to work for, money in my pocket that I earned.

I've even paid off an overdraft, which I'm very proud of!

Thank you again (sorry I just ranted a bit there!)

ABetterLife

jamesperrett wrote: »

Around our way, quite a few of the mother and baby groups are church based and most of them are very welcoming, whatever your beliefs. It is a good way to get out of the house, meet other parents and, if you are lucky, have some free tea and cake!

Ah okay, that's good to know! I'd love to attend these when she's born. I want to take her out as much as possible as I have depression/anxiety already and staying in the house day after day gets me down. I want to take her swimming, to the museum, to baby yoga, to parks, on day trips etc. Ah, I can't wait!