Bad moment

PixiePie

Sorry all, but have just been reading through the Debt-Free Wannabe forum as well for ideas on how to increase our income maybe and reduce our outgoings after doing the budget sheet tonight and am now in tears. What is the bleeding point in all of this? People going BR, people scrimping for all they can for the next 10 years, 20 years, for as long as the eye can see....Sorry am having a decidedly blue moment (have just given up smoking too, so thats not helping...). All I can ever see for the future for me and OH is work work work and no rest or play and never being able to get married or have kids or anything as we just won't be able to afford it - and it's not just us, but all the other people struggling to make ends meet on the DFW board as well.

I know there's no point in ranting about this, and really sorry as I guess this isn't really the place, but I just feel like this is the only anon. place I can come and pour my heart out. Why is the world so horrid, why in a developed and one of the richest countries in the world are *so many* of the citizens living in total poverty (and not just due to credit) - of course it's not poverty according to the figures, but then a large reason for that is because rents have risen and the amount of assisted housing has gone down so people *need* to find more than the poverty line just to have a roof over their heads.

Really sorry, this has helped a bit, but why is it just so s*tty and cr*p and is there anything we can do about it?
Be interested to hear older people's views on this as well - I am only late 20's and didn't really ever have any family to tell me what it was like for those over 60/70 now, would be interesting to know if poverty and struggling to just eat is a historic thing or if it is getting worse. (I don't mean there wasn't any poverty before, of course there was, I just mean - is it relatively worse, or am I imagining it? It seems we've gone as a country from having very poor and very rich people in the 1800s or whenever, to it gradually getting more even, and now sliding back but even more so with the rich just getting stupidly rich and the poor getting poor again.). I know what I mean, not saying it very well, sorry.

Many thanks for reading that if you did, feel a bit better now. Off to bed I think, have to be up at 7am for work tomorrow (no reset for the wicked )

tight_jock

Pixie

never feel you have to apologise for what you are about to say. You feel injustice inside so it`s probably done you a power of good to get it out for now.

Yes there is injustice in the world but you , personally are not responsible for it. You must be a little selfish and ensure you and yours are ok. you cant change the world from your coffin....( sorry to be morbid)


:beer: TJ

PS if you wait til you can afford kids, you`ll never have them, trust me !!:D

philnicandamy

but never forget...its good to talk x

Toto

It does feel like that sometimes doesn't it. I often wonder what's the point in the struggle, but we do because the alternative is to give up on the hope of a better future.

Actually, historically we're doing pretty well now. I studied social history at Uni amongst other things. The classic slum is a great book which will give you an insight into the lives of ordinary working people around the industrial revolution, it's written in plain english and is a good read. In those days people would sometimes smother their babies at birth because they couldn't afford to feed another mouth, there was no heath care system, people died from starvation and disease. Many families had to live together, mother, father, children, grandparents, uncles aunts, in really cramped 2 up 2 down type houses. So, although it doesn't seem that way we do have it pretty easy now by comparison.

Of course there has always been a divide between the rich and the poor, the Bourgeoisie and the Proletarians to quote Marx and there always will be. But I do believe that we have a better chance in life than our great great grandparents had.

All of that said, it doesn't really matter what history has to say about how people used to live, it doesn't even really matter how the people in the next street live. What matters is you focus on your goals in life and find a way to achieve them. I've not been able to afford to have kids yet either, but I have 3 of them:D

Snaggles

The stories you hear in the paper about how much kids cost always amuse me. I have a 7 week old, and I reckon she costs me about £10 a week for nappies and clothes. There were some initial costs (pram/cot/car seat etc), and no doubt she'll become more expensive when I start having to feed her something I can't produce myself for free, but having kids is only as expensive as you make it.

We were in our mid 20's when we started paying back our debts (£17k approx), and we are now all but free of them (we just have a manageable car loan that will be gone in 12 months). Life does get easier.

Have a good rant whenever you feel like it - there's pretty much always someone around to give advice, support or just a shoulder to cry on.

savagevixen

Snaggles wrote: »

T but having kids is only as expensive as you make it.

We all think that with the first!! Unfortunately as they get bigger they cost a lot more, even if your are very frugal, and society places huge consumerist demand on young people. (As does school etc) and to be fair you don't want your child to be singled out and go without. I am not for a minute suggesting that we should give in to their every whim (and I certainly don't!!) but newborns is as cheap and easy as it gets! Breast milk is so cheap and easy. 3 of mine were breastfed until 9-12 months and 2 only 6 weeks as it did not work and they were ftt. They were a lot more expensive.
DD4 has GORD and has been placed on a dairy-free, tomato free (and as we are vegi!!! meat free) diet. Of course I prepare all her meals from scratch, did anyway, so just vary it. However the specialised yoghurts and formula and rice milk, and treats add up to so much money-just to ensure her dietry needs are met.
To feed kids proper good homecooked food is not overly cheap either if you buy decent ingredients.
It is a good point, but it is hard to imagine how the gorgeous suckling babe will bleed you dry in a few years time!!
Congrats by the way!

betterlatethannever

Aw Pixie, i'm sorry your feeling low.
As for not being able to afford kids, you can't afford to NOT have them.
My daughter has just turned 18 and has announced she is leaving home. At 18 i lost over £300 in benefits i received as a result of having her, now she is leaving home i am about to lose so much more(finacial and otherwise) i don't know how i'm going to cope. I couldn't afford her when i had her and i can't afford to lose her. Kids come with much more though than just finance. (am i rambling, sorry been to a party and had one too many....will apologise tomorrow)
hope you feeling better Pixie, t/c hun

debtmonkey1

Hi Pixie!

I suppose I'm in the minority here-I'm 41 & single (long term OH!) & have no kids. OH is 30 & does not want kids.

We may sound a bit strange but in all honesty I can hardly look after myself (nor can my OH-30 going on 15!) so am certainly not responsible enough to have kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I agree with your comments re: the world-sometimes if you look at it logically then you think if there is a god-what's going on???!

Just going off-topic Pixie-when/if you've done BR will there be an IPA or will it be a straightforward '12 month' (poss early discharge at 6??!) jobbie??

'If you have not done the deed yet (ok ok I'm being lazy & I could look back thru posts but computer so slow & its b4 9 on a sun am!!) the releif is almost palpible!

To coin the imortal words of Depeche Mode (who have views on all things worldly) 'IF GOD HAS A MASTERPLAN, THEN ONLY HE UNDERSTANDS' (from 'precious' -a recent single & no1 all over Europe-beleive it or not very uplifting (!).

Another lyric (from when I was caning it a bit pre-BR & after old chap passed away a few years ago-don't worry-I'm not a quivering alkie who has whisky on my cornflakes-the occaisional sat nite is all now!)'CLEAN...THE CLEANEST I'VE BEEN....AN END TI THE TEARS & THE INBETWEEN YEARS & THE TROUBLES I'VE SEEN' ....very insitefull song from the album 'violator', called 'clean', written by Martin Gore for Dave Gahan-who successfully fully kicked all drugs & booze!

And you thought I'd cheer you up...(!)

Chin-up-a new day!

user55

I'm not sure it's true that the poor are getting poorer, even if it feels like it. I think the reality is that we live in a society that places higher expectations for people to have all the latest consumer goodies - people pay £1000 for the latest TV, however many hundreds for the latest games consoles, ipods, dvd recorders, sky +, computers. The list is never ending. None of which most of us really need. We wouldn't come to any actual harm without them. Even in the grip of living off credit cards, I couldn't bring myself to hand over any more than £100 for a new telly when ours broke - I couldn't see the point at all! I'd have felt sick!

To live basically and healthily isn't that expensive once you've got the cost of housing out of the way.

And whoever said if you waited til you could afford babies, you'd never have one, was spot on. And when you do have one, you get child benefit, possibly tax credits, all the stuff is available second hand, cloth nappies save a fortune and are fab to use, charity shops in nice areas have fabulous barely used clothes, cos babies and toddlers grow out of them in no time!

But school age kids are expensive!

Broken_hearted

Getting married and having children costs a lot less than people claim.
If you are careful and do your research wedding well, use friends and families skills you cut costs without losing any of the trimmings.

user55

As with most things in life, it can cost as much or as little as you want it to really. If I were to have another baby I would have to start from scratch cos we kept none of our baby stuff, with no plans for another. I would not fall into the "baby as a consumer opportunity" trap a second time! Most of what's in Mothercare is non essential.