Just spilt up ?

freya18th

I split up with my husband at Christmas and I have an appointment with the Citizen Advice tomorrow. I have 2 young children and am still in the house, he moved out and should get a rented place in a couple of weeks. The split was due to years of verbal abuse. He has agreed to pay half the mortgage but that is it, nothing for the children. I have now got child benefit. He is still being very verbal and says everything is going to be on his terms. Could you advise on any questions I need to ask.

Gavin83

What do you need to know?

paulineb_2

freya18th wrote: »

I split up with my husband at Christmas and I have an appointment with the Citizen Advice tomorrow. I have 2 young children and am still in the house, he moved out and should get a rented place in a couple of weeks. The split was due to years of verbal abuse. He has agreed to pay half the mortgage but that is it, nothing for the children. I have now got child benefit. He is still being very verbal and says everything is going to be on his terms. Could you advise on any questions I need to ask.

You have the right to contact the CSA if hes refusing to make payments for the children.

I think you need to get legal advice given that hes refusing to pay anything towards the kids and that things between you dont seem very positive.

Transformers

Surely 'half of the mortgage' is a payment towards the children?

It may be that sum is equivalent to the amount the CSA would say he needs to pay. You need to work the sums out.

freya18th

1. Does he have the right to walk in the house at any time.
2. He says he can see the children any time and for as long or short has he wants.
3. If he pays to the children he will not pay towards the mortgage.
Although I work part time I don't have the money to go down the legal route

claretsgirl

If I were you I would see a solicitor ASAP. x
I'm sorry that sounds rather blunt but I don't think CAB will be able to advise you any more than the wonderful people on this site.
It doesn't sound like your ex is willing to be reasonable so you need to know exactly where you stand.
Good luck.

Egypt191

freya18th wrote: »

1. Does he have the right to walk in the house at any time.
2. He says he can see the children any time and for as long or short has he wants.
3. If he pays to the children he will not pay towards the mortgage.
Although I work part time I don't have the money to go down the legal route

I'm only going with my own personal knowledge here, but:

1. In law, if you are joint owners of the property he can come and go as he pleases, however, after a certain amount of time (sorry, can't remember how long) it becomes unreasonable.

2. It's always best to try and keep it as amicable as possible and try and gain some structure back into children's lives after a split. You can state certain times/days for the best interests of the children, but how this will go down is anybody's guess.

3. As has been said, if he's contributing towards the mortgage it may already equate to the amount he would have to pay for maintenance, so in theory one would cancel the other out.

Have you looked at the Wikivorce website? You may find some advice on there.

Good luck x

pmlindyloo

Before you go to CAB tomorrow have a read of this:

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_relationship_problems_e/ending_a_marriage.htm

and make a note of anything you want to ask.

PuzzledDave

freya18th wrote: »

1. Does he have the right to walk in the house at any time.

Is the house in joint names (or just his) ? If so, then it's his house too - therefore he has the right to enter his house anytime he wishes.

2. He says he can see the children any time and for as long or short has he wants.

If they are his children, then as long as they live in his (possibly jointly owned) house and they go to school when they are supposed to and he is not violent to them - I don't see on what grounds he could be easily denied access when he walks into his house.

3. If he pays to the children he will not pay towards the mortgage.
Although I work part time I don't have the money to go down the legal route

If the split looks to be permanent, then it's time to consider money matters in a different way. He should give you some money, 20% (iirc) of all his earnings to pay for the children if they are with you each night. This is the only money he has to pay legally towards the children. You can use this money as best you see fit, however there is no requirement that he pays xx for this and yy for that - it's a lump sum.

On the other hand you are most likely entitled to other benefits, visit here to see what you are entitled to.

If this split does seem to be permanent, best to sort out finances sooner rather than later. Get legal advice on this, it can be complex and messy. You mentioned you don't have enough for the legal route - are you sure ? Most solicitors will offer an initial consultation free and you can get a good guide as to the ongoing costs, it may be cheaper than you expect. If you go it alone, read, read and read again about what you should be aiming for - but get something formal & final sorted out.

Caz3121

freya18th wrote: »

I split up with my husband at Christmas and I have an appointment with the Citizen Advice tomorrow. I have 2 young children and am still in the house, he moved out and should get a rented place in a couple of weeks. The split was due to years of verbal abuse. He has agreed to pay half the mortgage but that is it, nothing for the children. I have now got child benefit. He is still being very verbal and says everything is going to be on his terms. Could you advise on any questions I need to ask.

You should be receiving child benefit, child tax credits, working tax credits if you work over 16 hours together with child maintenance. Will that be enough for you to cover the mortgage and bills?
Do you really want to stay in the house?

Tiddlywinks

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

I think you'll be surprised by the amount your soon-to-be ex will need to pay.... it may not be as much as you're expecting.

The house is a shared asset, so you'll both need to agree what to do... sell and share any equity, one buy the other out, keep and share in any future equity or whatever.

You'll also need to sort out living arrangements of custody for the children as this impacts on the calculations of payments,

What you can't really expect is for your ex to pay towards the mortgage (in a house he is not living in) and pay for the children - he still needs to pay for his own accommodation etc.

You need to be realistic in your expectations.