Helping my mother with her debt

Happier_Me

You are right when you say that there are two issues here - a debt that ultimately needs paying off and your parents unhealthy relationship with money. And I can't see how your mum can address the debt without addressing the imbalance in the family finances.

I don't see how she can rely on a pension lump sum when her husband so heavily dictates the finances now either. Will this really change at retirement? I don't think your mum will see much of this lump sum given the current situation.

Could it be getting to a point where the stress of the debt would actually be less than the stress of tackling your dad about the money? A healthier approach would be for the family bills, including a sensible amount for food, to be worked out and each parent pays in a fair proportion of their salary to cover these costs. What's left is their's to do with what they want. That might be a season ticket for your dad or debt repayments for your mum.

Your mum must be a reasonably intelligent woman to be taking home £2,200 per month and I find it strange that she seems so submissive at home. Maybe you need to help her find a way to address this imbalance once and for all. Is your dad controlling in other ways and with other family members?