What should I say ?

blinkingbank!

My children's father doesnt see them regularly at all, hes coming to get them today for the night last time he had them was about 6 weeks back.It was agreed when we divorced that he would have them every other Saturday till Sunday and it has never been this !
I'm going to chat with him later and I dont know what to say really, I know I cant force him to have the children, my mum suspects he doesn't want to see them at all, he doesnt help financially, all in all he isnt the best dad, should I mention that their step-dad (whom I'm not with no more) wants more contact with them then their own dad does ?

Help/advise would be welcome thanks

ailuro2

No point in metioning their step-dad, that is irrelevant to him.

Ask him outright how often he wants to see them, explain that the kids need to know how often they will see them,and it's not fair expecting you to lie to them.

If he doesn't help financially, why not? They are his kids, and he has a legal obligaiton to support them.Make that clear too- after all if he rarely takes them anywhere then that adds to your costs.Yes, I know it's not about the money, but shouldn't he act like a man and face up to his responsibilities...

Justie

I wouldn't mention the step dad either the two issues aren't related. I would speak to him and find out what part he thinks he should play in his children's lives. Mention to him that they benefit from his contact and would benefit more if they saw him more often but try not to make it sound like a complaint - basically flatter his ego a bit. But mostly listen - he may not be that bothered about seeing them but he may be really unsure about his parenting skills and what he can give them. If he doesn't know what to do with them when he sees them then he's going to have less incentive to see them more often.

I would also keep the money issue seperate for now as you don't want to make it sound as though contact and finance are linked in any way but at the least he should be paying the CSA minimum - but that's a discussion for another day.

You may also find that you need to tell him you want to speak to him and make a seperate time to do so so that he doesn't feel like he's being nagged or backed into a corner. If you can approach it with 'the kids really like the time they spend with you, can we talk about how we can maintain/ increase the time you have them' is much more positive than 'why don't you spend more time with the kids'.