What do I do with my mother?

LLAnime

This morning I came downstairs and found my mum unconscious on the floor. I alerted my sister to help and we eventually woke her and got her into bed, and she seems okay now but they've both told me this isn't the first time this has happened.

In any other situation I would call an ambulance but my mother staunchly refuses. She doesn't like leaving the house or making phone calls and she calls paramedics "disgusting; only call them if I'm on the brink of dying." And yet she keeps having serious issues like this.

My younger sister has been at home in-between University and has told me this has happened in the past. It's hard to tell what the cause is though. About a year ago my mother got into a serious car accident and was subsequently diagnosed with fibromyalgia and has been receiving medication and physical therapy and often says she cannot do certain things and needs someone else to do it, but she also drinks almost every evening (this was happening before the accident). Last night was one of the nights she gets more drunk than usual, slurring her words, barely able to walk and I don't know if she collapsed this morning because of her condition or because of the drinking.

My mum keeps saying she needs help and she can't put up with living like this anymore but at the same time she isn't seeking any help. I asked what the doctor has said about it and if she could get disability help but she but she tells me she dislikes her GP and will only talk to a doctor who understands, but we also have no money and can't afford private care or anything.

This is really exhausting for my sister and I personally (mostly dealing with her when she's drunk) and we won't be around forever, but it's getting too hard now. What can a doctor do, what should I do, where can I get information or help…?

RAS

Next time she is unconcious call the ambulance first and talk to her later.

Also for your sister and yourself, join Al-Anon which support the families of those with alcohol problems.

GwylimT

I would just go ahead and call the ambulance. I lived with my grandma for a long time who hates hospitals, doctors and nurses, she was also convinced I wanted to put her in a nursing home, as soon as you mention any of those she goes from lovely grandma to evil old lady.

So I used to call the ambulance on her, she would hate be for it for a while and accuse me of trying to send her to a nursing home to die, but she gave in each time and went to the hospital, where her health was sorted out before she came home. If I hadn't decided to do this she wouldn't be alive now, now if she gets ill she asks me to take her to the doctors/call an ambulance because I'll "f**king do it anyway".

bluenoseam

Ambulance first & foremost, she sounds like she's unwilling to cooperate with medical professionals herself and so you're really in a position where you have to take control. Ultimately she's not going to like it, but well, if it's the choice between her being peeved and being seriously hurt I think it's a bit of a no brainer in reality.

She needs checked as these "incidents" may actually be something extremely serious & who's to say that one of these odd days it's not going to turn fatal. Better getting it checked, she's not in a position whereby she's making intelligent decisions, so you're going to have to do it for her.

trolleyrun

Just a thought; is your mother perhaps scared that the paramedics or her GP will tell her to stop drinking?

It must be very hard on you and your sister. I hope you find a solution soon.

BitterAndTwisted

She's resistant to getting health professionals involved because they will probably see at a glance that it's caused by her drinking. If neither of you are dependent on her, then you should both make plans to live independently. Then, she'll have a choice: do as much for herself as she is able or get help that's paid for by her.

The next time she's found on the floor (very possibly collapsed in a drunken stupor) call an ambulance. Being questioned in A&E about her consumption of alcohol might help her to face up to her drinking

securityguy

bluenoseam wrote: »

she sounds like she's unwilling to cooperate with medical professionals herself and so you're really in a position where you have to take control.

Or walk away. Ultimately, if people refuse treatment, that's their right, and however misguided or wrong-headed their reasoning, unless they're incapable to the point of requiring sectioning, the harm they do themselves is their problem.

Her main problem is that she's an alcoholic. In which case, walking away is not only reasonable, but probably the only plausible response. Alcoholics only get better when they want to, and if they haven't reached that point, there's not a lot you can do.

Hermia

As everyone else said next time call an ambulance. I know when I had first aid training they said you always call an ambulance if someone is unconscious, unless they have a known condition and you know it is okay not to call.

LLAnime wrote: »

This is really exhausting for my sister and I personally (mostly dealing with her when she's drunk) and we won't be around forever, but it's getting too hard now. What can a doctor do, what should I do, where can I get information or help…?

I think people have a right to refuse medical treatment, but those people should not then burden their loved ones with it. Personally I think they moment they do, the loved ones have a right to seek help themselves.

Addiscomber

If your mother is reluctant to leave the house how is she getting hold of the booze? Is someone enabling her? If so they need to stop.

Owain_Moneysaver

And she won't be able to get booze in hospital ...

LLAnime

Thanks so much for your support and advice.

Now that you've all said it, it seems obvious that I should call an ambulance next time, regardless of what my mother says. I will encourage her to see a doctor soon but if she collapses again I will call an ambulance.

I'll try to talk to my sister about the alcohol problems and consider if there's anything we can do to help about it. I think RAS' idea is good–I will look up Al Anon, thanks.