Friends wedding

thelondoner_2

Myself and my partner are having a little bit of trouble figuring out what to do and wanted to see what everyone thinks. A good friend of ours invited us to their wedding in Feb next year. The trouble is the wedding is going to be in Vegas. We have said that we are a maybe because of the cost involved.

The thing is, we feel like if we say no to going we won't be able to do much next year ourselves without feeling guilt that we said no to Vegas. We have been in this situation before and things turned quite badly when we didn't attend the last one and we barely see those two now.

I know a lot of you are gonna probably say "well if they were good friends they would understand" but if you take that approach to everything you soon find yourself friendless in my experience.

We probably could afford to go but it would mean we had to go without a lot of things. Has anyone else been in this situation?

DomRavioli

OP, please don't judge the rest of your life by one experience. Why not talk to the couple getting married, explain your circumstances, and see what you all come up with? Some of the vegas chapels have live video streaming on the web, so you can be there in spirit.

And if they were good friends, it wouldn't matter - I know I would never put that much pressure on someone when I knew they would have trouble affording it, and anyone who tells you different would be pretty stupid in my obook.

I've been in the situation a couple of times, and haven't been to a single one. I refuse to pay £500+ to attend a 40 minute wedding and a bit of a party, and they know how I feel about that - maybe you need to set some boundaries with the couple regarding finances and their expectations.

JJ.

I echo what DomRavioli said. Invite them over for a meal, or such like, and explain the situation to them. You could always suggest that you'll host a Vegas themed evening, for when they're home? You could get some casino type games, cards etc and have a fun evening, watching their Wedding video (if they're having one) and reliving it with them. Hope you manage to find a happy conclusion for you all. x

PlymouthMaid

I would say this is a case of you go if a) you can afford it and b) you actually want to spend your money in this way. If both of those conditions are not fulfilled then you just reply that sorry, you can't go. If people choose to have weddings abroad they must surely expect a lot of would-be guests to turn them down. I don't even think you have to fall over yourself to make it up to them. A nice card and/or small gift should suffice.

thelondoner_2

Thanks for the replies, I agree - if we don't end up going I will try to arrange something for us to do here with them to celebrate it. I know people want to have their dream wedding and everything but I feel that these days people go way over the top, which is fine but it makes it hard for guests the keep up.

The thing is with Vegas, its not the kind of place you can do cheaply either, even if you just had to pay for the flights and slept in a tent it still costs a fortune. Last time I checked it was £1400 just for flights. At least if someone gets married somewhere like Greece you could opt to stay somewhere less grand than them if needs be.

I think they know that if they choose to get married somewhere like that they will have to accept people won't go but it still makes it difficult for guests who want to see the person get married.

Jackie132

You shouldn't speculate about this. As you said:

well if they were good friends they would understand

This is true if they are your good friends then they will understand your feeling and don't bother about it.

ognum

A family member is having a destination wedding, they first checked that the key family members they want there were happy to go and then booked it.

They then sent out a message to their close friends saying when they are getting married and where, they said they would love them to come but totally understood if they could not. They also suggested there are other alternatives to the very expensive hotel they are staying in.

Lastly they said that they do not need to know for definate until they leave the country for the wedding and will tell the venue then. They will not be annoyed if friends go on other expensive hols and not to their wedding, it's personal choice.

So do what you want, if they are friends they will still be friends!

Mojisola

JJ. wrote: »

You could always suggest that you'll host a Vegas themed evening, for when they're home? You could get some casino type games, cards etc and have a fun evening, watching their Wedding video (if they're having one) and reliving it with them.

I've seen this kind of suggestion before and don't really understand the thinking.

Why should people who have chosen to have their wedding in a place that means many of their friends and family can't attend have another do arranged for them? If the couple really wanted these people at their wedding, they would have planned the wedding accordingly.

Are the guests who can't afford to attend meant to feel guilty and arrange the extra do as a compensation to the couple for not going to the wedding?

As for the couple making comments about how people spend their money the rest of the year! It reminds me of a thread on here some time ago where the poor relations were given suggestions of a payment plan with the invitation - we're telling you the date now so far ahead so that you will be able to save up - if you put £50 a month away for the next two years, you'll have saved enough to come.:rotfl:

duchy

I'm not sure people really expect their friends to attend a destination wedding. It is more a case of "if you can make it it's a bonus".

I'm getting married in Vegas and I really don't expect any friends to come. If they do it's a bonus and I'll feed and water them and I'll help them find the best holiday deal- not just for Vegas but help them plan a holiday that includes Vegas if they just want to do a few days in Vegas and then go elsewhere. I don't think anyone should feel obligated to go though.

bazzyb

thelondoner wrote: »

The thing is with Vegas, its not the kind of place you can do cheaply either, even if you just had to pay for the flights and slept in a tent it still costs a fortune. Last time I checked it was £1400 just for flights. At least if someone gets married somewhere like Greece you could opt to stay somewhere less grand than them if needs be.

Regardless of the cost, is Vegas somewhere that you would ever want to go? I think this is an important factor.

DigForVictory

Find a poker school that does introductory sessions, & invite them to join you - if you win enough to join them, you will; if not, they've learned poker in a benign environment...

See them in person, wish them the best - what more could they want?