Tired of being tired.

Silver-Cat

sooty&sweep wrote: »

Hi
To be honest it sounds like you are grieving for the baby you've lost, which is perfectly normal if you've suffered a miscarriage.
It will take time for you to recover from the physical aspect & even longer for you to come to terms emotionally.
Take it easy on yourself as it will take time.
Take Care
Jen

I'm not dismissing that but I think because we were pretty much almost decided not to go through with the pregnancy although I was sure logically but not sure emotionally, does that make sense?

Having that choice decided for us well it left me feeling partially a bit relieved but also like the choice was taken away from me. I am trying to explain it but struggling, and whether we would have gone ahead with the pregnancy had everything been okay well I honestly don't know.

It seems like I should put it aside and get on with my life, I have other things going on which really are now my priority and its not all bad stuff either. I am getting obsessed with something it appears I had no control over and this is making me tired and stressed.

MrsDrink

Silver-Cat wrote: »

It seems like I should put it aside and get on with my life

You are being way too harsh on yourself. You need to give yourself time to heal. I think the fact that you are unclear emotionally as to whether you miscarried (which in my opinion you did) or had a termination, means this isn't something you can just sweep under the carpet and forget about. I echo everyone's thoughts, you need time and maybe help to accept all you've been through.

polka_dots_3

Hi silver-cat

I'm sorry you've had such a tough time. I know from your previous thread that technically you had a missed misscarriage but I can understand that with your doubts over the pregnancy why you may not view it as such and that misscarriage support may not feel appropriate. My friend went through a similar experience a few years ago, unexpected pregnancy, unsure if they wanted to keep it but misscarried before a final decision was made. Have you considered looking at the support available following terminations? You may find that they are used to the complexity of emotions in your circumstances. The Marie Stopes website has some aftercare advice, a 24hr nurse phone number and offer counselling if wanted.

In terms of support, is your partner understanding of how you feel? And I would agree with multivitamins/iron and following a day/night routine. Trying to set yourself goals each day can help if you hate being stuck in bed, just small things that you can tick off a list so you feel like the day hasn't been wasted.

Finally, I think that your self-awareness and your ability to seek support when many people would just shut out the world will help you get through this.

sooty&sweep

Hi
What you may think logically about a situation in your head isn't always the same as how you feel about a situation in your heart.
You say that you'd just about made the decision to terminate so you had been wondering about keeping the baby ? Then the miscarriage took the decision away.
You've suffered a loss and you now are feeling very sad about that. It will take time for you to mentally process what has gone on. Its not a bad thing, its your body giving itself a little time to heal itself and make you stronger for the future.
Taking it easy doesn't mean that you have to take to your bed but it does mean that it would be good to slow down alittle for a while and being a little kinder to yourself !
Take care of yourself.
Jen

aurion22

Hi Silver-Cat
Your tiredness, distress and confusion are all to be expected after the trauma you've experienced. I don't know the full back-story but I do know how hard the present moment will be for you.
I'm afraid you may not like hearing this but work and the iPad are only distracting you from the awful reality of your overwhelming and contradictory feelings. Do you have someone you can talk to? You seem to have found people here who will listen and who obviously feel for you .. treasure that and, above all, treasure yourself.
What you're experiencing is a natural part of the grieving process as your mind & body come to terms with your new reality. You said, "It seems like I should put it aside and get on with my life" .. it is your life .. not all of it, but a part which you need to accept, not dismiss. You will need all your energy to allow yourself to feel the sadness so, as others have suggested, make sure you have enough iron and enough sleep.
Breathing is also good! :-) There are lots of breathing exercises which will help you to relax.
Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a close friend going through a similar experience. What would you say to her? Well, be your own best friend.
I'm very glad you posted here .. take care of yourself.
Loretta

Silver-Cat

I think today, right now I'm going to push myself a bit. Starting with a long shower which is needed! My partner has gone to work so I'm going to get up and again least put something on that isn't bedwear.

Its very quiet here, even the wind has died down so if I get up I can put the tv or music on. I usually like silence but not at the moment.

Motivation is what I need right now. The cats are also moaning at me now, think they are fed up too of being in bedroom with me all day as they prefer the lounge but I keep that door shut if I'm in bed.

I know its early days for me but I've got so much other stuff I need to focus on too, one with finding out if I have been placed through a reorg at work which is why I can't be off too much. Also my leg and hip injury is preventing me from walking without being i pain so am still waiting for consultant appointment. I missed a few plus physio due to being very sick in dec and jan with the pregnancy so I can't complain I'm having to wait!

It's just a few bits that were / are a bit crap but I was doing okay and coping with it all but now after being in hospital the lot has crashed in one big crap pile and I think this is why I'm a bit of a mess.

getmore4less

I was just about to post something but as you have hip issues thats blown the idea.

I find that just staying bed when down/ill does me no good you loose your body rythms and then I feel tied all the time and can't sleep.

What helps me is to get some structure to the day.

Get up and do a few jobs, perhaps have breakfast with the OH before they go to work tidy up a bit, if walking is an issue is there any computer based things you can do, a bit of research or paperwork, even something like looking for a new utility provider, or pick one task in the house and foucus on that for the day not overdoing it.

I was going to say that I find getting out for a walk works but we can pass that one for now and the weather makes it a bit hit miss anyway.
If OH is around during the day perhaps go out somewhere by car(if you have one) the change and daylight can boost you(it works for me)

If you have a garden perhaps get out if the weather breaks wrap up and take the cats out. the sun has started shinning with us looks nice out.

Another thing that can happen is your appitite changes but it is a good idea to try and keep sensible timings for meals and have fluids.

With TV look for things with meaning a documentory or some of the olympics or a good film nothing worse for keeping you down and feeling tired than trash TV.

if upto it prepare for OH coming home.

The objective is to try to get the night sleep pattern back without overdoing it, I sometimes slip in an afternoon nap to perk me up.

Silver-Cat

Oh I can get about, just a bit slow with a limp. Its playing up at the moment as I've been laying down / sitting down to much so it has stiffened up but thats fine. I can get about with my special crutches.

I think we are going out tomorrow for lunch in town, maybe pick up some iron tablets at same time, mainly so its not a shock getting up Monday morning to go to work.

GobbledyGook

Firstly be kind to yourself. Logic and emotions don't always go hand-in-hand. So while your head might be telling your one thing it's perfectly understandable and acceptable if your body is telling you another.

Also do not underestimate not being able to sleep. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. Is it a big thing and it can have a massive impact.

Also I seem to remember you losing a lot of blood and requiring a transfusion so that will also add to your tiredness. Your body will be exhausted and it will take time to heal.

I think whilst it is important to push yourself a little to bring an order back to your life it's also very important to recognise that it's not that long since it happened and what happened will have taken a physical and emotional toll on your body. Don't underestimate that or you'll end up suffering for even longer x

Silver-Cat

Yes there was a lot of blood loss, 1 litre before op they said and nearly another after my gp confirmed as I asked why that happened. I was on hydrating fluids as well all night, well I think thats what the drip was.

I really want to concentrate right now on work as the company is going through a reorg and after choosing available posts on a list, i find out next week if ai've been placed. If not I need to focus on finding something as I certainly can't afford not to work, that for me is my priority not sitting at home feeling pathetic.

Maybe the other stuff added on top is why I'm like the way I am currently.