How to go from a single person household to a 2 person household on less money?

ArtDecoGirly

If there's only the two of you and you haven't already got one, a water meter might work out cheaper than paying the standard bill.

Good luck with the talk

Faith177

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

Hi OP,

First thing I would stop worrying about is gas and electric increasing, if you're both out at work at the same time and at home at the same time, the increase will be negligible.

If you post your grocery budget here on the o/s board, you will get a lot of good advice and suggestions.

70p a mile will cover wear and tear on his vehicle. I believe it's 45 or 46 pence that hmrc allow per mile. He might perhaps be better off looking for something more economical however if he is increasing his mileage dramatically.

Many, many couples go through these same problems, you're not alone. You can always vent to friends, people on here etc.

Xxx

He'll be at home during the day and he'll have two days off ATM the house is empty all day 7 days a week often from 7am-11pm. So it will be a bit of an increase.

His car is about as economical as you can get at the moment but he'll need to add business use and he'll lose his minimum mileage discount he currently gets. Also my area is a higher rating insurance wise and he has just got a speeding conviction

I know it's just a blip but this means the last two years have been for nothing and all our plans are going to be pushed back

Faith177

Ok just had update from OH and I don't know if I want to laugh or cry.

I mentioned about pooling our resources after we have paid our own bills ie credit cards, my travel ect and he was quite open to the idea which I was pleased about

I then received a text saying that he thinks he would be able to put at least £65 a month in to cover food ect I'm shocked I knew he paid out a lot on debts and what he already pays on the current household bills but didnt know it was going to be this bad after his paycut.

I'm definitely going to have to get more hours in my pub job and cut back even more than I thought.

I am so disappointed in him he has let me down so badly with this whole situation

AnnieO1234

Right, what are these debts on? Presumably credit cards? He needs to contact the providers, get the debts crystallised (interest stopped now) and affordable payment plans in place.

No unsecure creditor can ask for more than a person can reasonably afford.

Get rid of the family bills too, they're not his and he needs to sort his own life first.

Xxx

Dazedandconfused

What is your weekly food and general shopping budget now for 2 people sure we can help out with affordable weekly food ideas

Faith177

Dazedandconfused wrote: »

What is your weekly food and general shopping budget now for 2 people sure we can help out with affordable weekly food ideas

I won't know until he moves back what our bills will be. Luckily I don't have to pay council tax or water rates so I have some wiggle room.

He has told his mum and reluctantly she has agreed to change the bills to her name (apparently I am blowing things out of proportion according to her)

It's mostly credit card debt and a car loan plus the two loans I took out for him in my name that he pays. Plus I think he has an overdraft.

I've told him to get the interest freeze and to go to the bank and speak to them see if they can do anything

thenanny2die4

Stating the obvious I know Faith, but... He's a grown up. He's your husband. He's one half of a partnership.

I'd hazard a guess that, as well as being happy that you're going to be living together, you have some concerns (not just financial). From experience, I know that you get used to your own space and your own way of doing things when you live separately from your partner and, when you're under the same roof again, it takes time for things to settle down and for this to feel "normal". As long as you're both on board, you will sort everything out and be able to enjoy your marriage.

Different couples manage their finances in different ways; generally either pooling resources or separating out the expenses and deciding who will be responsible for what. That's not necessarily a 50/50 split as it's unusual for both of you to have the same income; it just needs to feel fair. As you clearly doubt his trustworthiness just now, as far as financial responsibility is concerned, I understand that you feel the need to take the lead and that's probably sensible to start with. It's not "your job" though; as I said before, he's one half of a partnership.

Is there something you'd both like to work towards affording? If he had a goal, is he more likely to knuckle down and take responsibility? Most importantly, does he really understand what's expected of him? The good folk on the Debt Free Wannabee board will be able to help with the debt issues but that's really for him to sort out. I'm sure if he were to take the initiative and show that he wants to get his personal finances under control, you'd feel more relaxed. At the moment you seem to be taking responsibility for everything. Maybe, as long as he knows what needs to happen, he'll step up to the mark.

I know you're feeling let down right now. I truly hope he realises that it's time to show a real commitment to you and your shared future.

stoplurking

Hi Faith. Sorry you are in such a worrying situation. I'm just wondering - if DH has only been paying £20 a month for everything until now, what has he been doing with the rest of his wages? Surely the extra would have gone against his debts? It's strange he is having a paycut of £150 a month, increasing his outgoings on fuel, and still has (ridiculously small) sum of £65 a month to go towards the bills. That's a reduction in net income of around £200, maybe more, so what has he been doing with that excess while living above the pub? Sorry if I've missed something, and I hope you get more support from him soon.

Faith177

stoplurking wrote: »

Hi Faith. Sorry you are in such a worrying situation. I'm just wondering - if DH has only been paying £20 a month for everything until now, what has he been doing with the rest of his wages? Surely the extra would have gone against his debts? It's strange he is having a paycut of £150 a month, increasing his outgoings on fuel, and still has (ridiculously small) sum of £65 a month to go towards the bills. That's a reduction in net income of around £200, maybe more, so what has he been doing with that excess while living above the pub? Sorry if I've missed something, and I hope you get more support from him soon.

This £65 is after he has lowered his phone bill and stopped paying his mums bills.

As for the rest of his wage I have no idea what he has been spending it on but I'm guessing take aways, drinks after work and just general crap

FairyPrincessk

Faith,

I want to offer you a big hug! It sounds like a time that comes with a lot of change and unknowns. My own relationship started with a similar financial situation--my OH was living in accommodation where most bills were included and it was part of his job. He moved into my very small flat and at first thought it was miserly to not put the heating on too much, and though my meal planning was silly and controlling. It took many difficult conversations until we were on the same page, but setting some long term goals and being completely open did get us to a point where money isn't a stressful conversation any more and we both know what is coming in, what is going out, and where.

I suspect that your issue here is lack of communication. It sounds as if your OH has no idea of the household outgoings and you have only a limited idea of his incomings. I think its a great start to be open about what you expect and what you're worried about. I've a few more suggestions that may help.

It sounds like you have a good handle on what your outgoings are for yourself. If you don't already have these down on paper or in a spreadsheet then I'd sort that out immediately. Make a list of each of your bills, write down what you have paid each month for a few months in columns and then make columns for the coming months. You should also make sure it is clear what you have incoming and what you do with any leftover at the end of a pay period (i.e. does it go towards debts, savings, something else?)

I think you then need to sit down with your OH and go through the outgoings with him. Tell him how much you pay in CT, bills, etc. and explain which things are going to go up--i.e. I presume he will want to heat the property while he is there but probably hasn't really thought about how this will impact your budget. You can use your columns for the coming months to estimate these things and add them up--compare the total to him living at home with your living alone. Demonstrate to him that his moving back home with have a much bigger impact on your outgoings than a simple £65. Compare this to your incomings and show him that it will require you to work more.

Your OH should then be pressed to make a similar account of all of his outgoings and incomings---I say he should do it AFTER he has seen yours because it sounds as if he takes a rather piecemeal approach and you will probably get better results if he knows what you're looking for. Don't let him slide, if needs be log into his online banking, make him account for everything. If he complains about gifts to you, point out to him how much extra you have to work to 'pay' for those gifts because he isn't putting that money into household bills. Explain you would rather have the time off to spend quality time together, or would rather put the money towards debts to achieve your goals faster.

Then you can start to set a budget for the coming weeks. Your OH needs to understand that his presence will cost money and how that affects you. You need to know if he does have an over draft, if he is spending too much on treats, and he needs to see that paying bills for his mother means that he is putting an unfair burden on you.

You can either start or finish this conversation with a 'dream' list. Is it that you would like to save for something in particular? Or do you just want the debts paid off fast? Try to set a few general goals for yourselves. I think sometimes it is easier for people to be frugal if they can see that there is a 'point' to it other than paying their bills.

This isn't going to be an easy conversation. It may make one or both of you feel sick or guilty or frightened. But, until you have it you aren't going to be able to really make plans for the future. If your OH wants a proper meal each day, the he needs to help you account for where the money will come from. If he wants heating on while he is off, then he'll have to cough up that too. He also needs to understand that it is about priorities. Would he rather had expensive food daily, or reach his long term goals faster?

The next step is to start meal planning WITH him. Do a costing for how much you spend on average per meal, then show him how to cost out other meals. There was a time when my OH thought any meal under £5 was 'frugal.' We now shop together, he knows the weekly budget, knows we can't deviate from our menu plan and list too much and knows that if we're over a bit one week, we need to be under a bit the next. It took time, and I'm still chief menu planner, but when I need to ask him to do it I can be assured we stay in budget, there isn't a lot of waste and we eat healthily.

This will require compromises--it may be that your OH really doesn't want to eat soup every night. But, he may be willing to eat a jacket spud or another frugal meal 3-4x/week.

I really wish you both the best, and know that the whole board will be here if you want ideas for cheap meals, where to go for cheap toiletries and cleaning supplies, how to save on utilities and how to have frugal quality time together. It may also help to remember that your OH is probably a little confused about you being upset--he is coming home after all and probably thought that was what you wanted! Try to remember it will be nice to have him around (really! even if he does need a bit of training!)