Alimony Anxiety

divorceanxiety

I have lived apart from my wife (in a completely different county) for over 5 years and in that time have only seen her once. I assume that means I've also been separated for over 5 years, but I honestly don't know what triggers the separated part of a divorce.

Previous to my "separation" I lived with my wife for less than 5 married years and probably 3 years unmarried prior to that. During that time she supported both of us on her income support and disability.

I didn't have a job until after I moved out and managed to get one to support myself paying minimum wage. I have since worked very hard and managed to improve my wages by almost double that, though I still have a net income of less than 20k.

She is unlikely to be employed and is disabled. She is also older than me by a couple decades (I'm almost 30). She has never asked for money.

We have no children.

I would like to get the divorce formalized at some point in the near future but I'm scared that if she decided that she suddenly wanted maintenance it would kill me financially as I have difficulty making ends meet as it is.

I'm wondering if she would be successful in claiming maintenance given that she's never asked for money and seems to be supporting herself these last five years.

Also given the fact that she was supporting me during the marriage (I was effectively her carer though I didn't claim for it) and that I didn't even gain employment until after we were "separated".

If I haven't supplied enough information feel free to ask, I'm not entirely sure what's relevant.

Thank you in advance,
DivorceAnxiety

19lottie82

I don't think you have anything to worry about. Spousal maintenance is very rarely awarded these days, and if it is, it's usually only when the wife has sacrificed her career to run the home / raise children. From the sounds of it your wife has done neither and she is currently supporting herself at the moment.

Jenny484

You won't have to pay any spousal maintenance.

However, it seems like you have been sponging off your disabled ex for ages. At your age as well, what a prize of a man you are.

Gigervamp

Jenny484 wrote: »

You won't have to pay any spousal maintenance.

However, it seems like you have been sponging off your disabled ex for ages. At your age as well, what a prize of a man you are.

I wouldn't call it sponging. He was his wifes carer whilst he was living with her.

Also, notice the ages? I work it out that OP was a teenager when he got together with a woman in her late 30's. She knew what she was doing.

heartbreak_star

Maybe he was her carer.

EDIT: Cross posted (and agreeing) with Gigervamp.

HBS x

divorceanxiety

Jenny484 wrote: »

You won't have to pay any spousal maintenance.

However, it seems like you have been sponging off your disabled ex for ages. At your age as well, what a prize of a man you are.

You could be right Jenny. I was quite young when I met her and felt trapped for a long time, but I honestly should have tried harder.

I'm trying pretty hard to turn my life around, though it's been pretty tough.

BitterAndTwisted

If you haven't got any money then she can't claim it from you.

Speak to her about a formal separation and divorce if that's what you want to have happen. After having lived separately for so long it can't come as much of a surprise to her.

joeblack066

OP I can't see why spousal maintenance would apply. Get the divorce finalised for both your sakes and move on. You sound like you have put yourself through enough guilt. Good luck.