RSVP Frustrations...

AndyBSG

Just wondering if anyone else planning a wedding has gotten as annoyed as I have about RSVP's?

We sent out 'Save The Date' cards back in August and followed this up with actual wedding invites in the middle of October.

In the invite we provided a little 'information' card with a web page we had set up showing things like hotels, trains, local taxi firms, directions to the venue etc and we also expressly asked for RSVP's by 1st January with the RSVP stating the names of all of those it was for along with the ages of those under 16 and if a high chair would be required for any of them. This is because we needed to know if they needed children or toddler meals.

We also stated that RSVP's should be sent to the brides mother.

Fast forward to last week and we have only had RSVP's from about 60% of the guests, only about 10% of those who replied actually put their kids ages in and when we started chasing them up we got replies like "Well, you know we're coming", "Can I just E-mail you my RSVP or Facebook message you")No you can't, if you actually read the info you don't even reply to me and my fianc!e but reply to her parents).

This then led to me having a bit of an 'outburst' pointing out on Facebook that we were spending the best part of a hundred quid on each guest and if they couldn't be bothered to spend 60p on a stamp and 5 minutes writing an RSVP then not to bother coming.... My mother then had a go at me saying that I was being rude!

Anyone else had issues like this? Don't even get me started on the fact that none of our evening guests have even bothered replying even though I know they're coming. Going to deliberately only order evening buffet for those who RSVP'd then when food runs out on the night make a point of 'apologising' to all those who didn't RSVP that there is no food because 'people didn't bother replying so we didn't order food for them'

/rant over :mad:

DigForVictory

Deep calming breaths.

Noone has ever said getting married was fuss free, even the runaway lot.

Very nice to see a groom getting a bit het - traditionally its the bride who voices the entirely reasonable frustration that if people would please *read* the blinking thing & then reply, life would be so much simpler.

They don't. And shame on them. However, this is where someone on the team, or a cash strapped time richer relative, can be recruited for "the gift money can't buy".

Hand off a list of names & phone numbers & access to a phone & get them chase up the stragglers.

Stay off facebook for this - if you want folks to abide by the traditional rules, play the traditional game.

Plan the evening buffet carefully - then overcater a bit on stuff you can remove from the frige or freezer?

But honestly it is not worth getting hassled over. Your bride to be wants a happy man on her arm on the day, not one simmering & yearning to clock assorted guests. So breathe deep, and plan the best revenge of a wonderful day you can both look back on fondly!

Have a good day & a great life together!

Maysie

We only had a handful in the post and mostly people let us know through facebook its a sign of the times. I cannot believe you put that on facebook it does sound rude imho. Have you thought about how much it will cost people to attend your wedding? buy an outfit, pay for hotel if needed gift on top, maybe trip to hairdressers. It can quickly turned the other way i bet they are paying more than £100 to attend in quite a few cases. All for the sake of 60p and an envelope you get peoples backs up. A jokey message on facebook about knowing how busy everyone is but could you please let mil to be know pretty please with a cherry on the top might have been a bit politer.

How will you cope if people rsvp saying they are coming then change their mind at the last minute and don't even bother to let you know? Its happened to lots of people on here.

Chrishazle

You're not alone in this - wife's previous boss went through exactly the same for her local reception (wedding itself was in the Caribbean), and I'm now Father of the Bride, save the date cards went out ages ago, invites about 3-4 weeks ago, RSVP's to us by post or online on dedicated website by 28 Feb please. So far only about 20% have replied, and the majority of those are "old fashioned folk" rather than the younger generation, and almost all by post rather than online! Fully expecting daughter and future SIL to be spending much time on phone chasing.

Sazzarella

If you didn't include an RSVP or envelope then I'm not surprised people haven't responded. At this point I'd be delegating the chasing up to someone else as what you have put on facebook is very rude. You might end up with no guests

74jax

I didn't chase any people, if they couldn't be bothered to rsvp I put them as a no. i did have a cousin from ireland then ask me for hotels hear my venue, and I just politely said unfortunately they hadn't told me they were coming and i've now given my final numbers.

I wouldn't tell guests how much you are paying per head for them though as it's your choice to do that.

i must say most just said in talking to me they were coming - I didn't do invites, just verbal invites and so I didn't expect a formal reply, but I did expect something.

CompBunny

Nothing to add, apart from I'm sorry you have all of this stress, and I'm sure your bride is grateful that you share the burden of it together Its up to you, but personally I'd accept RSVPs via email or facebook etc...people communicate in so many different ways now and at least they are replying - many people seem to just not bother and expect the bride and groom to chase!

Paulaviki

As long as they let you know if they want to come then who cares whether they tell you via e-mail, text, facebook or carrier pigeon.

Also remember that although it's a big deal to you, to them it's not. They may be looking forward to it etc but rsvping might no seem important to them.

Just make a spreadsheet of who has replied and who hasn't and then start chasing for replies and include evening guests.

scmp

I hope it does not get any more stressfull for you but i would definately avoid facebook rants about it, i think it will encourage people to reply via facebook!

We have asked for RSVP's for March but that leaves us a lot of time to chase things up as it is a few months before the wedding. We really need them returned as there is essential information on them ie; We are having a hog roast and so if you don't tick vegetarian you are getting hog as we will order vegetairan stuff seperately! We have camping accomodation so if you don't RSVP before all the 'plots' are filled then you WILL get turned away on the day! - I am not looking forward to this part!

Relocationrelocation

I feel your pain! We made rsvp-ing as easy as possible (just provided an email address) but still ended up chasing practically everyone and had to get responses via Facebook/text/whatsapp! I have come to the conclusion that the wedding is way more important to us than everyone else!

aniahill

Are you joking? It costs each invitee the price of a stamp to reply but in my case it'd be the price of a stamp x 90 to send out SAE for response! I know it's my wedding but that's the least of the costs for them but quite a lot to add to the (potentially low) budget of a wedding.

I've circumvented that by having RSVPs to our wedding website as they'll have to chose their meals etc. and it helps to find hotels and lifts for those who need it. Irrespective, people aren't replying either way!

No one cares as much about your wedding as you do - I'm not expecting it to be top of the invitee's to-do list so I'll need to get the cattle prod out towards the end of next month if they expect food. People who haven't RSVPed include groomsmen, bridesmaids, very close family members....

Sazzarella wrote: »

If you didn't include an RSVP or envelope then I'm not surprised people haven't responded. At this point I'd be delegating the chasing up to someone else as what you have put on facebook is very rude. You might end up with no guests