Mrs ashamed

Lesleyzz1

Well, I've been reading through some of the very inspiring stories on here and have had my lightbulb moment.
I realise and feel quite ashamed by the fact that i am much more fortunate than some others on here!

My story in brief. Never had much money over the last 20 yrs, single parent struggling to make ends meet.
Married now 5 years, daughter 22 with job, still at home. I now have a good job earning £28k OH has even better job.
We pay the bills between us and he transfers me extra money and has his own money. Separate bank accounts.
The story is over the last 4 years I have managed to rack up debts of nearly 20k:eek::mad:
My own fault. Spending on xmases, birthdays, holidays, daughter, clothes and goodness know what else .

The other problem - OH is very money savvy and trusts me to be the same. He is clueless about this and I feel like a sneak, a fraud, pathetic and useless:(
I have made the decision to tell no one about this especially not the OH. He would never trust me again and this is MY debt, MY fault and I need to pay it off and sort it out. It would hurt him too much.
All the advice I've read on the internet is to come clean etc etc but that is totally out of the question.

Well, thats it off my chest now. I would welcome any thoughts from any of you and will now post my details of finances.

CC MBNA £4800 - int free 24 mths
First direct loan - £14700 over 60 mths
Catalogues - £2200 - interest free

Mortgage pmt £738
Loan pmt £240
Other ddebits £220
Food £400

Income - £2570 mth
All in all I have £950 approx disposable income per month.
I want to try and pay more off the loan every month and space the cc out over the two years as this is interest free. The catalogue is buy now pay later interest free over the months of 2014.

My plan in spend no more on credit card or catalogue.
Buy no or only essential clothes over the next 12 months.
Stick to my food budget.

Thats it briefly so far. I need to have a more serious think about how to tackle this situation while still being able to pay for xmas, holiday spending money etc
:eek::o:o thanks in advance for any thoughts xx

Lesleyzz1

Having written my first page I have just taken the plunge and used £200 I had 'spare' this month to pay off a bit of additional off my catalogue and credit card.:)

Have decided to draw out a limited amount of cash for spending money and bits I may need from the shop in the middle of the wee.
I am always using my card and spending more than I should in the shop when all I went for is bread and milk.
I rarely have cash and its so easy to use the card or c.card when they're in the purse so I'm using a different purse and putting all my cards away just using the bit of cash I am allowed.

Feel proud of myself for making the first move.
My loan ends in Nov 2019, I intend to pay extra each month and cut that down by a year or two if possible.

Just contemplating whether to remove all the shopping apps from my ipad and phone except the food shopping ones???

maddiemay

yes, remove the apps and unsubscribe from any e-mails. If you REALLY NEED to purchase something it will only take you seconds to find the website and log-on:D

You seem to be making a good start on your journey, would be a pity to wreck it needlessly. Also build an amount of treats money into your budget, it doesn't need to be a very big amount, just so that when temptation gets too much you (hopefully) won't revert to the spending which put you here:D

Mint1955

Good luck. If your OH doesn't know how are you going to suddenly stop buying things won't he notice?

sweetpea26

Hi there

just do your best. You will have lots of support here.

I am sure you have bits and pieces which you can sell on ebay.

Perfume, clothes and shoes that you have hardly worn or still have their labels attached.

You will be amazed how you can cut back. Take your lunch to work etc...cut your food budget by shopping around.

There are lots of people here more experienced than myself who will be able to help you ... just wanted to let you know that you are not alone
Subscribing and dont be too hard on yourself. You have now made a decision to change and you will do it.

killerpeaty

Hey, you're going to do amazingly well. So don't be ashamed of yourself, you're facing up to the issue and you're dealing with it!

I'd delete all emails, apps and bookmarks to do with shopping if I were you, it will remove any temptations. I started doing courses during my lunches and this has saved me loads because I'm not mindlessly spending anymore. You can find lots of free online courses on coursera or similar.

Best of luck, I'll be following your progress.

Lesleyzz1

Thank you so much for all the support so far. It makes me feel much better to know I'm not alone and it will encourage me to stick to it!
I am now going to delete all shopping apps except food shopping.
I have left myself a bit of free cash so I can go shopping once a month if there is anything I really need.

OH wont really notice he will be happy I'm not buying stuff. Ive also told him I'm giving him some money every month to save for me so I wont spend it. I will then use it for xmas and birthday presents etc or if there is anything I really need.

I like the idea of selling unwanted stuff on ebay.I have lots of books and things I could put on there when I get the chance.

5 or 6 years just seems such a long time for the loan. My main aim is to pay extra off that every month even if its just a small amount.;)

Just feel such a bloody let down to my hubby who is such a great person. I know he will never trust me again if he knows. I need to do this without him or my family knowing :eek::eek:

sweetpea26

you can handle this .... you can do it.

Check books on amazon...sometimes they are not worth much and the cost of postage is quite expensive...so tread carefully there.

Have you ever sold on ebay before ?

Lesleyzz1

Ive sold some things on ebay before but the were large items like a car I once had but I'm a member and everything so maybe that is the way to go.

Another thing I can cut back on is toiletries:D and make up!!! I could use everything I've got put some on ebay and go for the more reasonable priced stuff apart from a few items that I'm not prepared to do without !!!!

This is turning into a bit of a project now!!!!:T

jetplane

Well done on deleting your apps, instead of shopping use your time to find cheaper alternative beauty products, there are plenty websites for ideas. Do yourself a spreadsheet so you can see the difference as it happens. Make sure you are not paying more than your share of the bills and groceries, hobbies etc as all of the extras can add up.

5 years is a long time to keep a secret, hopefully you will feel ready to tell him soon. Good luck with your new challenge.

Fmess

Just wanted to stop and say good luck. I'd advise cutting up the credit card and paying off towards the debts on payday, then you have no choice but to survive on what you've left yourself.

My debts are a secret from my family. I have no good reason to be in debt, just poor money management on my part. They know that I am cutting back on spending but they think it's just to pay off a holiday I had last year.