Teenage girl with issues,help and ideas!

shegirl

My beautiful niece is coming home only for hols at the mo though!

Anyway,she's had a very hard life due to her mother and my mother.My mother miraculously got a residence order years back (should never have happened-all her own kids were on the cp register when we were kids and much much more!) and when she cheated on my dad five years ago ran off up the line taking my niece and leaving everyone related unable to contact her,none of knew where she was.

She has,however,managed to get in touch with me a few Times but got caught.BUT now,at the age of 16,my mother has chucked her out over something ridiculous (my niece is a self harmer and overdosed a while back) and she instantly got online to find me again for help.

She's staying with a friend until half term then I've arranged for a friend of mine to go and pick her up

She's got barely anything to wear,has hardly any of her belongings and my mother is still claiming CB and CTC for her.She's insecure enough as it is without that being added on top!

She can't wait to come down and I need to get the poor girl some clothes and bits.What are they into and wearing these days?I'm talking to her daily but don't want to ask her straight out as I know she'll be upset and feel like a burden because she's not used to it (apart from when she was with us when little)

So any ideas?And any ideas on anything to help her or do with her?

It's going to be quite weird as haven't seen her for five years my son is excited too but I want to make sure I can help her a bit aswell as enjoying her being here.

She's a beautiful and intelligent girl but very insecure.

balletshoes

save the money you would spend on clothes for her, and take her shopping when she arrives. She can get the essentials then, and it will be stuff she will actually wear.

If she won't have any nightwear etc with her when she arrives, get her some pjs and slippers/slipper socks (my DD loves the nordic pattern ones in Primark, and their loungewear pjs), maybe some pants. Bit of deodorant, a toothbrush, maybe make them into a little pressie for her, and then take her shopping for the rest of what she needs. Tell her you haven't had a chance to give her birthday/christmas pressies over the last few years, so you want to treat her now.

Good on you for taking her in, even for a short while. Let her see how a real family relates to each other .

shegirl

balletshoes wrote: »

save the money you would spend on clothes for her, and take her shopping when she arrives. She can get the essentials then, and it will be stuff she will actually wear.

If she won't have any nightwear etc with her when she arrives, get her some pjs and slippers, maybe some pants. Bit of deodorant, a toothbrush, maybe make them into a little pressie for her, and then take her shopping for the rest of what she needs.

Good on you for taking her in, even for a short while. Let her see how a real family relates to each other .

Taking her shopping may be difficult with severe autistic ds,unless the care agency get going in time!

She does want to visit her childhood best friend while here though so maybe I could give her some money for them to have a girly day in town?

I did buy her some leggings (she mentioned hers ripped) and a fluffy stripes jumper this morning.Hope that'll be acceptable lol

So excited

balletshoes

fluffy jumpers are cool! I saw one in Peacocks at the weekend, it was so fluffy I'm fairly sure I would have looked like The Honey Monster in it, but I was severely tempted .

Yes, give her the money to spend with her friend, have a look at what she comes to you with/without and write a list together of what the 2 of you think she could do with.

tyllwyd

How about ordering a few things mail order from somewhere like Next - you won't know her size so you could try a few different things. I would have thought that skinny jeans, t shirt and baggy jumper are quite universal. My DD loves converse all stars trainers although they are pricey.


My DD and her friends spend all their time online, so she might need phone credit and to borrow a laptop or tablet. Do you have Netflicks or similar - how about sitting down to watch some films together.


Oh - and how about hair? My DD loves to have a new haircut and post selfies, it might be a nice way to treat her.

Indie_Kid

shegirl wrote: »

She does want to visit her childhood best friend while here though so maybe I could give her some money for them to have a girly day in town?

This sounds like a good idea, I think. At least this way, she can choose the clothes and the right size for her.

WantToBeSE

I love the idea of giving her money to buy herself stuff when out with her friend. You could also both go online and find stuff that she likes and order it then.

I am not sure how difficult it would be with your son in tow, but if you have a shopping mall nearby, it maybe easier for him (and you!) to get everything in 1 place. Primark is a good start

Poppie68

If you can get someone to pick up a pair of comfy PJ's from Primark and some fresh underwear just for the first night, so you can have a girlie night in style and discuss what she needs and take it from there. Sounds like she needs a hug and a chat with a loving aunty and maybe she can be a welcome change for you with your hetic life.

Counting_Pennies_2

She might not be used to having money for herself, so be careful not to give her too much.


I like the idea of sending her on a shopping trip, but perhaps say get a top and bottoms with the money, and for the rest go online like others have said. You could get out the NEXT catalogue and look through it together and choose.


Remember to give her time jus the two of you, you mention a DS with needs so it will be tough to get it right, but try not to use DS as an excuse not to do things with her

squidge60

My dd is a teen and loves https://www.boohoo.com if thats any help

Any

Another vote for Next. They are great-my friend who HATES shopping orders the whole catalogue(at least it feels like it), family tries it all on and you can get them to collect what you don't want again if you have an account with them.
And they deliver over night.