Want to start TTC (not just yet) - but feel stuck

MrsSippi

I have a gorgeous daughter and I would like to have a 2nd child (not immediately but would like to fall pregnant this year if possible). I have posted on here before as having a 2nd child would mean having to give up work and be a sahm, which I had some trouble dealing with the idea of (I like to be working). However I have given it a lot of thought and feel that I could cope with doing this.

The problem is that my husband and I cannot agree on whether we should have another or not. It would be a struggle financially for us until the 2nd starts school (and I could return to work) but I think that although it will be tough we can cope. However my husband is so worried about getting into debt that he simply cannot decide whether we should have a 2nd or not (again, not immediately but EVER). He often says about how lovely it would be to have 2 children and he would love us to be a family of 4 but then he says how he would worry constantly about money (this may just be him trying to decide for himself but it sends quite mixed messages).

I really don't know how we resolve this. Obviously I don't want to push him into a decision and have tried being understanding (because I do understand his concerns) but at the same time he has been like this for the last year or so (we weren't properly discussing it a year ago but it has come up from time to time) and I don't see him making a decision anytime soon. Everytime I bring it up he just says "I don't know". I have tried not mentioning it all for months and I have also tried to make him think about what he wants (as a pose to just letting him push it to the back of his mind) but nothing is helping.

What do I do? I wouldn't say that it is driving a wedge between us or anything but it is starting to upset me a bit because I just don't know where I stand - it is a stalemate situation.

Sorry if this sounds like I am moaning but I would really appreciate any advice on how we can both work this out.

flutterby_lil

Aww I bet it is a hard decision - why don't you wait until your first starts school? How old is your first child?

Why would you have to give up work?

I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old, the oldest is in year 1, so timing wise it was perfect with him going to school - I currently work 28 hours a week and we manage fine, my OH is SE.

MrsSippi

flutterby_lil wrote: »

Aww I bet it is a hard decision - why don't you wait until your first starts school? How old is your first child?

Why would you have to give up work?

I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old, the oldest is in year 1, so timing wise it was perfect with him going to school - I currently work 28 hours a week and we manage fine, my OH is SE.

Our daughter is 3. Ideally I would try towards the end of this year so that a 2nd would arrive shortly before she starts school (which means I would have stopped work by the time she starts). I don't want to stop work but we don't have any family or friends who can help with childcare and childcare fees for 2 children (ie nursery or childminder for youngest and childminder for school drops/collection for the oldest) would wipe out what I earn. There are no breakfast or after school clubs in our area either.

I have said to OH that if we did manage to find someone to babysit the baby for a couple of mornings a week or whatever then I would try and find a job during this time to help bring a bit more money in (providing it wouldn't affect any tax credits entitlement).