Wedding present advice

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Nenen

All the advice posted on here so far seems to be from lovely, caring people who believe (as I do) that the primary purpose of inviting guests to a wedding is so that the happy couple can have the people they care about with them to share the celebrations on their special day.

I was horrified by the attitude of an ex colleague who made sure all the people she was inviting to her wedding knew in advance how much she was spending on guests per head. I thought it was a bit strange until after her wedding, when she complained bitterly about the guests she'd invited who had bought gifts that cost less than the price per head she'd paid for her wedding! She seemed to think guests should pay more for their gifts than she'd paid for their meals and entertainment so that (in her words) "We shouldn't have to make a loss by inviting them!" :eek::eek:

She actually sat working out that inviting her husband's brother and his wife and children cost her 2 x £35 + 2 x £15 but the present they'd bought her 'only' cost £50 so she was "£50 out of pocket on them" :eek: When I pointed out that they'd travelled half way across the UK to be there and her now sister-in-law was currently on maternity leave as they were expecting their third child, which meant money was a probably a bit tight for them, she replied, "If they can't even afford to cover the cost of their meals then they shouldn't have come" :eek:

minerva_windsong

Person_one wrote: »

No rules, spend what you want to spend and what fits your budget.

This. What I spend might vary depending who it is (more on a sibling or close friend than a more distant relative for instance), but in general the decision on what to spend is up to you.

Speaking as a soon-to-be bride I would far rather people bought us cheap things - or indeed didn't get us anything - and came to the wedding than didn't come or overstretched their budget because they felt they had to buy us an expensive present. I feel bad asking for pricey stuff at the best of times, even if it's what I want, so I'd feel terribly guilty for making people think they had to spend a ton of money to come to the wedding - they're expensive enough as it is!

scmp

We are on the other side of the scale... we are not expecting any gifts at all!
We are getting married because we want to and have invited people the ceremony and then to a laid back barn reception with a hog roast, camp fires, games... There will be 2 drinks for everybody definately but we have said to bring your own beer and people can camp over the whole weekend.
I will be mortified if somebody spends £300 because feel they have to get us a gift because of social convention!!!!

-We have sent an itinary out with the invitations so potential guests will know what to expect!

Relocationrelocation

We haven't provided a gift list and aren't expecting anything, as we already live together and have everything we need in our home. If people choose to give us money or vouchers of course, we will be VERY grateful but we didn't feel right about essentially asking for pressies. You shouldn't feel pressured to spend any amount a gift is a gift after all.

I made a donation to a charity for a couple whose wedding I went to once and printed out a certificate with some info on said charity.

tillyenna

Wow, we're having a gift list for the wedding, for two reasons: moving from a tiny shoebox flat to the house in which we will start our married life will mean there are a LOT of things that we do not currently have that we might like, and secondly our older relatives are notoriously bad at wanting to give us gifts, and then giving us stuff that we neither want nor need - so we figured it would be helpful. That being said, I would not feel upset if someone didn't get us anything, especially as many of our friends are in the same boat as us financially and will have to travel a fair way to get to the wedding (we're in the southwest, and our friends live all over the country)

So I think, in short, spend whatever you feel you are able to, and whatever you feel you would like to - I'm sure no-one reasonable would be offended if you didn't feel you could get them a gift... just don't go off list!

tillyenna

Having re-read that - am I the only one thinking a handwritten list is weird, how do you know that no-one else has gotten what you get?

Bean83

Whilst it's all very nice to say 'I don't expect anyone to buy me a present, I just want them to come to the wedding' I would also feel incredibly rude turning up at a wedding and not buying a gift. I would never turn up to a friend's party empty-handed (i.e. I would always take a bottle/flowers/chocs or something), so why would I turn up to a wedding without a gift? I buy a wedding present because it's the nice thing to do, they have done you the honour of inviting you to their special day, you say thank you with a present.

I understand that some people find it rude to be told what to buy via a gift list, but I'd much rather know that I am buying something the bride and groom actually want rather than just forcing my taste on them or buying something they already have.

Anyway, that was a bit off-topic, so in answer to the OP - personally I think around £50 is reasonable to spend on a present for a day invite (an amount I can 'comfortably' afford) and then around £20 for an evening invite.