Gift registry

lika_86

Slightly_Squiffy wrote: »

Most people I know have registered. But one friend I gave MAJOR side eye to over it. The wedding was largely paid for for them, they live in a flat in Chelsea owned by a grandparent and have lived together for 7 years...they had some charity donations on there but also had several £100 cushion covers too :eek: a friend of mine have me some great advice when I brought up the issue with her, which was 'don't put anything on there that you wouldn't happily buy for yourself'. I wouldn't spend £150 on a china tea pot for myself, so I would never expect anyone else to buy one for me!

But isn't the point here that they probably would have happily bought the cushion covers for themselves? If they lived in a big Chelsea flat then that might have been usual for them and they might not have thought that others would consider that extravagant.

tillyenna

lika_86 wrote: »

I'm not getting married but if I ever did, I hate the whole gift list thing and so would love it if my friends and family bought me a book that meant something to them or that they loved and wrote a personal message in the front.

That's such a cute idea! The Boss and I will likely be doing a gift list, purely because we are moving from a 1 bed shoebox with no furniture in it, into a house (an ACTUAL house) when we get married, and hence will need the traditional saucepans etc (currently I own 3 saucepans only, and none of them have any lids...) But I really love this idea for a couple who already have all they need.

minerva_windsong

I think it's very much personal choice. I myself wouldn't put a note in with the invites because to me it feels too much like asking for stuff, but if you want to do it then that's your decision and you should do what you want.

Our current plan is to have a small gift list with things for the house on it as we are hoping to move into our own place sometime this year, and a honeymoon list where people can buy us an experience such as a fancy dinner or an activity (we're paying for our flights, accommodation and spending money by the way, I'm not expecting people to bankroll our holiday but these are nice extras). I'm aware that some people, particularly our older relatives, will want to get us a 'thing' so they have the option to do that or to pay for something on the honeymoon, depending what they'd prefer.

Torry_Quine

This comes up on here from time to time and you will never get a consensus. Personally if I get a gift list or gift registry with an invitation I consider it rude and will get something off list as I don't think you should tell people what to get you unless they ask. If people aren't sure and come to you by all means give them a gift list but not before.

minerva_windsong

Gettin256 wrote: »

I had a small gift register but most people gave us money. We still ended up with 4 cream wedding photo frames! People did mention that I didn't have enough expensive items on the list. A friend didn't have one and has a whole collection of china which she would never have chosen herself. What have your friends done or what would your guests be used to?

Sorry if this is a stupid question but what do you mean by 'not enough expensive items'? Are we talking, say, furniture or more like posh china/cultery/bedlinen?

Personally I have to say I'm really surprised at that - usually it's people complaining there aren't enough cheap things!

hels234

As torry Quine says, you'll never get a concensus. I've found that as we've planned our wedding, you end up trying to please the majority, but you'll never please everyone! I'd Ask some of your closest family and friends what they would like/prefer and go with that, that's what we did.

GwylimT

At the end of the day it is your wedding, if people are silly enough to get offended by a gift registry then they need to grow up and get a grip.

74jax

I wouldn't put it in the invite. If people ask then fine, but it's very presumptuous.

Fwiw I had a gift list, so I am definitely not anti them, but only gave it to those who asked.

Our list had 'items' and not from places, so they could shop around. We only had about 8 things on it, lived together first, so said they could make a donation to charity if they really wanted too - we had some guests who just HAD to buy something so the charity idea worked out great.

I think larger gifts are great for work or a group of friends to buy.

GwylimT

Gettin256 wrote: »

I had a small gift register but most people gave us money. We still ended up with 4 cream wedding photo frames! People did mention that I didn't have enough expensive items on the list. A friend didn't have one and has a whole collection of china which she would never have chosen herself. What have your friends done or what would your guests be used to?

We didn't have a wedding list, but as we had been living together for quite a while when people did ask we said we didn't need anything the house, e.g. crockery, we were doing up the house so where possible we asked for some help, e.g help us strip a wall etc, or B&Q vouchers, quite a few people bought the vouchers.

However we received three crockery sets, a deep fat frier and a microwave, they were all bought by people who knew we didn't need anything like that. One crockery set, the deep fat frier and microwave were from my parents as well!