help with birth plan please

newbie71_2

Hi all

I'm 37 weeks pregnant and at my last midwife appointment (36 weeks) no mention was made of my birth plan. I usually write all the questions down I want to ask the midwife but this time I hadn't and a combination of spongy pregnant brain, me being full of cold and also have very bad baby related sciatica meant I forget to ask about the birth plan and as no mention was made of it I didn't think about it until the weekend.

Called the midwife's office on Monday only to be told by the (VERY RUDE!) woman who answers the phone there that the birth plan is something I do by myself, no I can't ask my doctor about it (I've got a routine doctor's appointment next week) and no I can't book another appointment with the midwife just to discuss this and that I must wait until I next see the midwife (which will be at 40 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) if I want her input!

I was so cross - mainly at how rude she was - but is she right? This is my first baby, everyone I've spoken to with kids had a completely different experience of childbirth and although I've looked through the baby books I don't think there's any replacement for working through the plan with a midwife.

Did you write your own birth plan without input from the midwife? Am I being a hysterical first time mum? Can any mums or mums to be advise?

Thank you

sooz

I've never had a midwife offer to help with writing a birthplan, for either of my two.

I read through the birthplan pages of the many many pregnancy books I had, and then wrote basic notes for what I did and didn't want..

eg.
as little intervention as possible
ventouse rather than forceps if necessary
natural tear rather than episiotomy
husband to cut the cord
natural third stage
breastfeed baby asap

(anyway - these were some of my choices for my second birthplan.....the first one just had one word written in large letters - EPIDURAL)

And then i made sure I went through my birthplan with my husband - or your birth partner - to make sure that they can communicate your wishes when you are unable to (generally at the point when you are swearing profusely, and someone asks you a question!)

I also highly recommend that you tell your birth partner what and where you have packed stuff in your hospital bag. My husband had no idea, and was asked to find stuff...:rotfl:

hope this helps and good luck

Astrolabe

newbie71 wrote: »

Did you write your own birth plan without input from the midwife? Am I being a hysterical first time mum? Can any mums or mums to be advise?

Thank you

Well, it is possible that you are a hysterical first time mum, but boy oh boy is that a big club you've joined!! Big hugs to you, I don't think you are wanting anythine unreasonable at all. Don't be put off by the woman who answers the phone, because you have already hit the nail on the head ...she is just the woman who answers the phone and she shouldn't get in the way of you discussing important stuff with your midwife.

Would you feel OK about ringing again to ask to speak to your midwife directly? She may well be happy to come out and see you again before 40 weeks, I know mine would have been. Having said that I was given mobile numbers for all the midwives in the local team so I didn't have to go through a receptionist, but you should still be able to speak to your midwife on any topic you like.

In answer to your other point about writing your own birthplan, it probably is useful to jot down things you feel really strongly about before you talk to the midwife, but don't feel like have to have an plan for every eventuality. How I wish I could have taken that on board for DS's birth! I wrote a detailed birthplan after attending an active birth workshop. I was absolutely fixated on having a home birth, mainly because I am a control freak with a fear of epidurals. So, inevitably, I end up going into hospital for a c section as my baby was unexpectedly breech at 40 +14. And it wasn't the end of the world, although I couldn't have designed a worse fate for me before hand. Healthy baby, healthy mum, job done.

What I am clumsily trying to illustrate is that by all means have ideas, but also recognise that you can't make something happen or not happen during childbirth through sheer force of will. Though goodness knows I tried!

If you are a "knit your own pram" type with a yearning for a home birth I have a lovely birth plan here, unused, one careful owner! Pm me if you like?

bluebell13

I only had a vague birth plan with DS(my first). It was basically NO EPISIOTOMY, otherwise go with the flow. Guess what happened. 2 hours of unsuccessful pushing and hey presto, one episiotomy!

I would suggest you have some idea of what you do and don't want as per suggestions made by Sooz, but be prepared to be flexible as you do not know how things are going to pan out.

Good luck!

Nicki

I didn't have a birth plan for either of mine, it was never suggested or discussed, though my obstetrician did tell me about 4 weeks before no 1 that I would need a CS for medical reasons. Tbh I think they are a bit overhyped. You can't possibly know what procedures will be necessary until you are actually experiencing it and if you write down in advance that they are not to give you any pain relief even if you beg for it, you may well live to regret it!

Childbirth has become very politicised, and a lot of parents demand their rights without the benefit of much medical knowledge. IMPO it is just silly (and selfish) to refuse to be induced if your baby is very overdue (provided you are sure of your dates) as this can put your child at risk, or to refuse foetal monitoring, a CS, etc. The medical profession didn't come up with these procedures for no reason, and as they don't know on any given day how many women will give birth this silly argument about not being induced to fit in with their schedules is daft. All of the procedures to which some very vocal mothers object are used to make birth safer and more comfortable for mother and baby, and are the reason why maternal and infant mortality rates are so much lower in modern times.

I would therefore not worry too much about the whole thing. Read up about what to expect and the pros and cons of the various kinds of pain relief, and attend an ante-natal class if you can, but otherwise trust your medical team to advise you well on the day and go with the flow. And if you don't trust your medical team for whatever reason, find one you do quick!

LilMissEmmylou

honestly, id only take note of the major things you want for it. but after that throw the rest out the window. be ready for change. The best advice id give is be aware of the options that there are, know which ones you would rather but dont have your heart set on anything as most of it wont really be down to you but more down to your situation IYKWIM. All you need to count on is the healthy happy baby at the end of the birth Good luck and dont worry x

Becles

I had one. The midwife would have either booked a longer than normal appointment at 28 weeks, or in my case she came to my home as I wanted a home birth so she needed to check my bedroom to make sure it was suitable etc.

In the end everything I'd noted went out of the window due to complications. eg: I didn't want my waters broken, and then ended up begging for them to be broken!

Best to go into it with an open mind, and just take things as they come.

bylromarha

I wrote one for my first, which looked pretty much like post 2, midwife read it and said, yup fine. Kept it in my pregnancy notes and midwife who delivered DS said to me when I was holding DS, 2oh look, here's you birth plan...didn't know about that. pretty much went according to schedule, eh?"

Printed it out again for second baby...she came in the car on the drive to the hospital so didn't get read again.

So mine's going spare if you want it!!!!!

Pink_butterfly_3

My midwife told me not to bother with a birth plan as I would only be disappointed as things usually never go to plan!

How right she was.

Not that it was all bad may I add, just nothing like I had planned.

Didn't bother with my second, I just went with the flow and it was much better!

newbie71_2

Dear all

Thank you soooo much for all your kind advice. I really feel a lot better about it all now! I'll make a few notes which in an ideal world would be what I'd want but as you've all said I guess I will have to 'go with the flow' in the end and will end up having whatever is best to get the little one out as safely as possible! Will also talk to OH about what I want and make sure it's imprinted on his brain for the birth!! :-) Thanks again everyone I really do feel like a load has been lifted!

JillD_2

I had birth plans for both mine and was pretty glad I'd done one. I used the same one for both pretty much. I am 28 weeks pregnant now and planning to dig it out again (if I can find it)

Basically I said:
- who birth partner is
- pain relief - wanted TENS and gas and air, prob not pethidine or epidural but wanted right to change my mind
- wanted to be mobile if possible
- episiotomy vs tear
- if partner wanted to cut cord
- skin to skin after birth or not
- vitamin k for baby or not
- syntocinon (or whatever its called) to help deliver placenta or not
- breastfeed asap
anything else I felt strongly about

Both times the midwife attending to me read the birth plan and followed it as far as was possible. Although you do have to be open minded that it might all go very differently.

Good luck!
Jill