Husband offered a job to work away!

Kayalana99

masonsmum wrote: »

My brother in law has recently set up his own building firm and they seem to be doing well and have been awarded a few contracts, I heard him talking to my husband over the weekend and said he has been awarded a large contract down south (we are in Scotland) renovating nursing homes.

I never thought anything of it but husband called earlier to say BIL has offered him a job on these contracts as he is a joiner/carpenter too, now DH already has a job and has worked for the same company for 10 years, but at the moment work has been slack again and he has had 2 shifts off due to no work over the past fortnight.

Anyway this new job would entail leaving at 4am on a Monday and staying away for 11 nights, returning home the following Thursday and getting a long weekend off to return again on the Monday morning, I am quite apprehensive as we have 2 small boys, there are a lot of questions to be asked like, how long will the work last for, is there another job at the end of it, he is offering a good wage (double what he makes a week at the moment) and that is the only thing that is making us even think about it.

I know only us can make the decision on what is right for us, but any mums out there who's DH work away and they have the children on their own?

Thanks in advance for any advice folks!

Is their a possibility of you going up their as well?

masonsmum

No that is not an option, I dont want to uproot the kids and I am quite happy in our home and near to all family.

Acc72

So .... your MIL lives in your street and your parents live in the same village ?

Has your husband always lived in the same village ?

Also, how old is your husband ? How old was he when you both "settled down", did he move straight from his parents house to your home together or did he live alone for a while ?

Your husband may be seeing this as an opportunity to have an "Auf Weidersehen Pet" experience.

masonsmum

Yes we always lived in the same village, I was a single parent living with my eldest son when we started going out (he has brought my son up as his own though)

We are both 33 years old and our boys are 7 and 2, we have lived together for more than 4 years and yes he moved straight from mums to my house.

Poppie68

My husband has spent long periods of time away for the 23 years we have been married, firstly while in the Army when he left the Army he started a job 300 miles away from home 5 years later he's still doing it. He does it to provide for myself and our 3 daughters, we have a lovely home and a good life..he comes home every weekend and the time spent together is quality time. You get used to the routine of the comings and goings and the time spent together is not wasted.

Moto2

I've worked away for various amount of time over the years, always hated it but as it was sporadic and occasional I've put up with it.
I wouldn't do it as a permanent job unless I had to financially.

You can buy more of pretty much everything except time

Prothet_of_Doom

Well there are 3 issues.

1) The employment status of Husband (suggest self employed or ltd company with a higher rate to cover liability insurance and costs of B&B and travel, or maybe offer to become a partner with BiL ?) I wouldn't ever be an employee of a family member.

2) Whether giving up a permanent job that you don't like for a temporary but longish contract is a bad thing or not. (I think not personally, because it changes your outlook because a little fear is good for motivation..in my case)

3) Whether your Marriage and Children will suffer.

This later point is what you make it. 11 days of work followed by 3 days off is hard work (unless he gets Sunday off), but it's regular, and you can plan to make the most of the weekends. I work away, leaving house on Monday at 5 and getting home on Friday at 5, and I've had to ask my wife nicely if she would mind if during the weekend I never had to spend 2 hours in Tesco, or do any cleaning. In return I try and organise something like a theatre trip, or trips out with the kids (mine are much older than the OP's but my 20 year old responds well to teaching me how to climb at the local climbing wall)
I've noticed a change in my wife's attitude to it. She's started to realise that me sitting in a B&B is bad for my mental health, so she suggests things I should do in the evenings, like swimming or cycling or bowling with another contractor. And Skype. We have more money, because of the work, and that actually isn't a bad thing. If you can use the extra to build a buffer, some worries disappear.

Conclusion ? I think that you need to be discussing how you can both make it work, how you will survive if it turns out to be a shorter contract, how you can avoid being an employee of a relative, how to make the journey's safer, how you will celebrate things like Valentines day when you are apart, how you will deal with "the heating won't come on" ...why would I know ? Ask the bloke that fitted it? (I got into trouble with saying that there was a manual in the file..not sure how my wife thought I'd memorised it).
I think, I really think you should try it. Talk about the good and bad as it goes on.

another thought. if he doesn't go it will need to be a logical decision of his own making, and not one to "keep the peace"

I say GO. do it.

DigForVictory

May I suggest writing a letter?

Lay out the pros and the cons, what you worry he'll miss out on, what you worry about left behind.

Then put in hours & phones & taxes & taxis (if you don't drive) so it isn't all about the emotion & it isn't all about the facts.

Write it carefully, as while he needs to think it's to him, the other address he won't see is to his mum. (Don't send it anywhere! Just word it *that* carefully.)

Yes, it's your family you are trying to look after, but if it all goes massively sideways, his family may well want to go on seeing grandchildren & so on.

Of course he's looking on the bright side - money does that to folks. However, short term thinking isn't safe & you've got the medium & long term in view, rightly, too.

So try once more, on paper. Don't argue - if it's a screaming match, you've both lost. Not least as it can become habit forming & ultimately that means divorce.

All the best!

Prothet_of_Doom

Moto2 wrote: »

You can buy more of pretty much everything except time

When skint, I spent 4 days replacing the engine in a car with a working one from a scrap yard. I had a quote to fit it from a local back street garage, and for £200 I could have bought 4 days not under a car, spent with my wife, and kids instead. I didn't have £200 in addition to the £200 the engine cost me.

I could have paid someone to paint the house, to clean the bathroom.

DKLS

I have worked away at various points in my career, now my rule is it has to be at least double the salary I am on now or ideally triple the money then I will pack my bags.


It can work very well, especially if you have specific goals in mind, a friend who is a nurse has just returned from a 3 year stint in the middle east, she came back and paid off her mortgage and bought a couple of buy to let flats, so she can focus on her family by only having to work part time.