Access for a father - In Ireland

Cookiee

Hi all

I need to rant and if anyone has any advice it would be helpful.

My brother has split up with his wife in July last year. This was due to his feelings changing and he wanted to have some time apart to re-boot his feelings for her. He was not seeing anyone else and was not cheating. He just felt that they had fallen into a rut and things were very bad at home and wanted to get some space between them.

Unfortunately his wife turned very very nasty and things have gone very bad. They could not work out their problems and he has now moved into a shared house with a friend (who has been separated from his wife for 2 yrs so was a good support for him) and wanted to sort out access to their 6yr old son.

They went to mediation in Ireland and had a signed agreement about maintenance, access and other items associated with the marriage. He thought it was sorted and he was keeping to all agreed. He has always paid on time and is so excited to see his son at the weekends and a few days during the week.

My brother has met someone now (2 months ago) and it is still new and they are taking things very very slowly but this has been told to the wife, who now believes he was cheating. He was not, they only met 2 months ago. The wife suddenly stopped access, made a court request that my brother used to beat her and their son to stop him from seeing him. My brother WOULD NEVER EVER raise his hand to a woman or his son. In fact he would never raise his hand to anyone as he saw our mum and me being beat by my step dad.

The court threw out the claim and ripped her to pieces saying it was very clear she was doing this to stop him from seeing his son. She didn't even bother showing up! The access hearing was on the 15th (my brothers birthday) and the judge agreed the access terms (every other weekend and 2 days during the week). This was last week. Suddenly this friend of a friend makes these threats to the wife and my brother is visited by the police today. This is the first he has heard about it and gives his statement. The police believe him and backs up other statements from other friends. BUT his solicitor calls him up saying that there is an emergency court hearing tomorrow at 12pm as they fear for his sons safety!! This person is more a friend to the mother than my brother so is it strange that the day before he is due access this "charge" is suddenly on the table.

My brother is fighting a battle against this whole family. They have money, there is a lot of them and my brother is over there on his own (obviously with friends but no family). He would never leave Ireland as he would never leave his son but his wife is making it a nightmare to see him.

She was recently in a national paper about losing 3 stone and that in 7 years she had no confidence in dating all that time due to her weight. It was a slap in my brothers face as he thought she was beautiful and had worshipped the ground she walked on.

Should my brother be made to pay for falling out of love? We had no access or visits from our biological father for over 20 years and he never wants that for his son. He is fearful what they are telling his son that he does not want him and he is at that age where he will ask these sorts of questions.

My brother is running out of money for a solicitor and he just does not know where to turn. My heart breaks everytime I speak to him, knowing there is nothing I can do to help him.

Sorry I know this is a long post and thank you for reading. If anyone has any advice regarding irish family law, I would be grateful for your input x

Lieja

Hi Cookiee - I don't really know much about Irish family law I'm afraid but I didn't want to read and run.

My OH's ex did something similar, and it was a total nightmare and heartbreaking for my OH. Thankfully the police were never involved and she finally saw sense (or was made to see sense by the courts!).

I would be inclined to say that if there is no evidence for the claim and she's already been laughed out of court once for malicious lies, that it probably doesn't look too likely that they'll take her seriously this time. Although I know what it's like to be in the middle of this stuff and it doesn't seem like there's a way it can better, the courts are used to dealing with pee'd off parents who want to use their children as a means of hurting ex partners.

Wait and see what tomorrow brings, and it probably won't be half as bad as he's expecting. It took a while for my OH and his ex to sort things out, but they eventually did and it hasn't left terrible mental scars on his daughter and they have a great relationship now. She was six at the time and is now about to turn 8, and barely seems to remember what all the fuss was about.

Just try to stay strong for your brother, and be there to offer some perspective when he's feeling lost and bogged down by it all. Good luck, and hopefully you'll get some advice for him soon!

kara7758

Cookiee wrote: »

Hi all

I need to rant and if anyone has any advice it would be helpful.

My brother has split up with his wife in July last year. This was due to his feelings changing and he wanted to have some time apart to re-boot his feelings for her. He was not seeing anyone else and was not cheating. He just felt that they had fallen into a rut and things were very bad at home and wanted to get some space between them.

Unfortunately his wife turned very very nasty and things have gone very bad. They could not work out their problems and he has now moved into a shared house with a friend (who has been separated from his wife for 2 yrs so was a good support for him) and wanted to sort out access to their 6yr old son.

They went to mediation in Ireland and had a signed agreement about maintenance, access and other items associated with the marriage. He thought it was sorted and he was keeping to all agreed. He has always paid on time and is so excited to see his son at the weekends and a few days during the week.

My brother has met someone now (2 months ago) and it is still new and they are taking things very very slowly but this has been told to the wife, who now believes he was cheating. He was not, they only met 2 months ago. The wife suddenly stopped access, made a court request that my brother used to beat her and their son to stop him from seeing him. My brother WOULD NEVER EVER raise his hand to a woman or his son. In fact he would never raise his hand to anyone as he saw our mum and me being beat by my step dad.

The court threw out the claim and ripped her to pieces saying it was very clear she was doing this to stop him from seeing his son. She didn't even bother showing up! The access hearing was on the 15th (my brothers birthday) and the judge agreed the access terms (every other weekend and 2 days during the week). This was last week. Suddenly this friend of a friend makes these threats to the wife and my brother is visited by the police today. This is the first he has heard about it and gives his statement. The police believe him and backs up other statements from other friends. BUT his solicitor calls him up saying that there is an emergency court hearing tomorrow at 12pm as they fear for his sons safety!! This person is more a friend to the mother than my brother so is it strange that the day before he is due access this "charge" is suddenly on the table.

My brother is fighting a battle against this whole family. They have money, there is a lot of them and my brother is over there on his own (obviously with friends but no family). He would never leave Ireland as he would never leave his son but his wife is making it a nightmare to see him.

She was recently in a national paper about losing 3 stone and that in 7 years she had no confidence in dating all that time due to her weight. It was a slap in my brothers face as he thought she was beautiful and had worshipped the ground she walked on.

Should my brother be made to pay for falling out of love? We had no access or visits from our biological father for over 20 years and he never wants that for his son. He is fearful what they are telling his son that he does not want him and he is at that age where he will ask these sorts of questions.

My brother is running out of money for a solicitor and he just does not know where to turn. My heart breaks everytime I speak to him, knowing there is nothing I can do to help him.

Sorry I know this is a long post and thank you for reading. If anyone has any advice regarding irish family law, I would be grateful for your input x

I found this link:

http://www.activelink.ie/content/irish-links/family-parenting/fathers-justice-equality

My friend has used Fathers for Justice UK and found them very supportive. Hope this helps. Horrible situations for your brother to be in.

Cookiee

Thank you for your advice and your link. On a positive, the judge laughed it out of court and gave her a warning. My brother has access tonight and at the weekend :-) One very happy dad and son x

marisco_2

I cant offer any helpful advice but didn't want to read and run. What an awful situation for your brother and your nephew. I hope the mum sees sense and doesn't purposefully cause any more trouble. So much damage can be done to the child, parent and extended family when access is messed about or denied.