So unhappy

I-Want-To-Move

I am a fraud - am not moving or selling. I desperately want to but cant afford to and to be honest even when ive cleared my debts i doubt i will be able to move then either. Is there anyone in the same position as me? How do you cope? I feel sick being at home because i hate my neighbours and the area. As soon as i think the neighbours arent too bad, they prove me wrong and im back to being miserable again. I feel anxious, stressed and cant sleep.

Amber_Sunshine

Have you sought debt counselling? Assuming you own your home, you must have liked the area well enough then. So it may be that you're in a cycle of feeling trapped, and stressed. Perhaps if you feel that you are taking control of the situation, you'll feel more relaxed at home and able to view things more objectively.

Thrugelmir

Sell up and rent for a while is an option. At least gets the debt monkey off your back.

I-Want-To-Move

Am doing everything i can. I am tackling debt and making good progress sadly it will take some time to completely disappear. I have a goal that as soon as the debt is paid i will save that money towards moving.

I was not familiar with the area i now live. When i was looking to buy i looked around the areas i could afford to buy whilst still having easy access to work, it seemed ok but i have learnt you cant know an area until you actually live there. Terraced properties seem to be snapped up by landlords so you end up living next to a succession of tenants who dont care about the neighbours or property. I have nothing against renting, just had bad experiences with next door. Also feel isolated here which doesnt help, i want to move closer to family and friends.

Renting is not an option. My mortgage is significantly less than it would cost to rent and who knows i could end up renting next to another lot of annoying neighbours.

I need to learn to relax and stopping feeling anxious about this but havent figured out to do that yet.

I would feel better if i could see light at the end of the tunnel - i.e. if i knew that at some point in the next five years i could definately move.

Prothet_of_Doom

Do you live alone? Get a Lodger ?

Tancred

I-Want-To-Move wrote: »

Am doing everything i can. I am tackling debt and making good progress sadly it will take some time to completely disappear. I have a goal that as soon as the debt is paid i will save that money towards moving.

I was not familiar with the area i now live. When i was looking to buy i looked around the areas i could afford to buy whilst still having easy access to work, it seemed ok but i have learnt you cant know an area until you actually live there. Terraced properties seem to be snapped up by landlords so you end up living next to a succession of tenants who dont care about the neighbours or property. I have nothing against renting, just had bad experiences with next door. Also feel isolated here which doesnt help, i want to move closer to family and friends.

Renting is not an option. My mortgage is significantly less than it would cost to rent and who knows i could end up renting next to another lot of annoying neighbours.

I need to learn to relax and stopping feeling anxious about this but havent figured out to do that yet.

I would feel better if i could see light at the end of the tunnel - i.e. if i knew that at some point in the next five years i could definately move.

I bought a Victorian terraced in 2005 because I wanted to live close to the station as I was commuting into London at the time - biggest mistake of my life! One neighbour was brilliant but the others were a noisy family of, shall we say, non-European descent. You could hear them having rows every evening and telephone calls in the garden at 2am. What's more, the value of the house only went up 25k in 8 years and got stuck at the stamp duty threshold. Thankfully I now have a detached house but needed help from my in-laws to achieve this. My advice: buy a suburban semi or detached as soon as you can afford it.

I-Want-To-Move

Tancred wrote: »

I bought a Victorian terraced in 2005 because I wanted to live close to the station as I was commuting into London at the time - biggest mistake of my life! One neighbour was brilliant but the others were a noisy family of, shall we say, non-European descent. You could hear them having rows every evening and telephone calls in the garden at 2am. What's more, the value of the house only went up 25k in 8 years and got stuck at the stamp duty threshold. Thankfully I now have a detached house but needed help from my in-laws to achieve this. My advice: buy a suburban semi or detached as soon as you can afford it.

You get it!!!!!
My goal is to buy a little suburban semi or tiny new build detached (just to be neighbour free). How did you keep going while you were waiting to achieve this? Im slogging away paying debts, trying to improve house here and there - know i wont get the money back but want to keep the house in good nick to make it more sellable when the time comes.
Sadly have no inlaws to help financially so it is down to me.

I-Want-To-Move

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Do you live alone? Get a Lodger ?

No spare room

Tancred

I-Want-To-Move wrote: »

You get it!!!!!
My goal is to buy a little suburban semi or tiny new build detached (just to be neighbour free). How did you keep going while you were waiting to achieve this? Im slogging away paying debts, trying to improve house here and there - know i wont get the money back but want to keep the house in good nick to make it more sellable when the time comes.
Sadly have no inlaws to help financially so it is down to me.

Just keep calm. Why can't you move? You haven't explained this. What is stopping you from selling?

tBagpuss_2

I have a lot of sympathy for you. I've been in a simialar situation where I could not move when I would have wanted to.

Ultimately, only you can decide what is going to be harder for you to live with.

Option One: - Sell now, even if this means you can's afford to buy straight away. The upside is that you get away from your current situation, which is making you unhappy, you have greater mobility and flexibility so would be better placed to move if you find a job closer to your family, and you may feel less oppressed by having the house and mortgage hanging round your neck.
The downside is that if your mortgage is lower than renting will be, you will wind up either paying more to rent (but with the ability to move away more quickly s you wind up with lousy neighbours) or having to take a step back in terms of what you rent, and perhaps rent a room in a shared house , rather than having a place of your own.

Option Two: don't sell now - keep chipping away at the debts, and save as much as you can so you will have more choices when you do come to move. Try to set yourself specific, achievable goals so you can *see* what progress you make. try to plan to spend time visiting friends or family weekends - this gets you away from the area you don;t like, and gives you a bit of a break.
Set specific goals in other areas of your life - are you happy in your job? Are there any steps you can take in relation to making progress in your career, to increase your earnings? Where do you want to live? If this will mean changing jobs, what will you need to to do to get the new job?

It's easy to feel completely overwhelmed when you have things like this going on, and it can be paralysing as the whole seems to loom so large that you can't see any way of escaping. It can be useful to start small, tackling one little piece of the whole - this can then lead into a 'virtuous cycle' - having achieved one thing, it becomes easier to tackle the next, thepositive feeligns of succeeding n one area makes it easier to move on to the next thing, and so on.

Look at ways of dealing with your debts more quickly. If getting a lodger in is not an option, what about other ways of saving money? can you declutter and sell any excess stuff on e-bay? Would a weekend or evening job, both to get you out of the house, and to earn a bot more money, be an option?

On a personal level - do you have any local friends or family? Forcing yourself to join in with something, whether it's a local amateur sports club, a hobby group, going to evening classes, volunteering - all of these can help you to get out and to start building relatioships so you feel less isolated.

Also - consider speaking to your Doctor - is it possible that you are suffering from depression?

Good Luck

ACG

Im not sure whether it will help but do a chart.
Show yourself how much you have cleared in debt each month. then over the next few months you will start to see if coming down - it should spur you on.

You will also notice as the debt comes down it will start to come down quicker and quicker.

I have all the business i have written in a spreadsheet and my target at the bottom. As i work alone it can become dull, so i look at my accounts to see how much i have written and it spurs me on to find the next client and get that bit closer to my target.

On a side note, i also joined the gym about 12-18 months ago. Because i was working alone i was getting into a rut and getting up later, doing less work etc. Going to the gym does something to release endorphines or something?? No idea what but you come out feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world. It might help you build up some motivation and start to look at the world in a different light? If not you might just beef up so you can go and knock your neighbours out