Single Mum needs to move forward.....

in Debt free diaries
12 replies 1.1K views
Hi, finally decided to take the plunge and try to motivate myself!

:j

I've been a user of the site for many years and wouldn't be where I am today without it. I've changed my username to be anonymous though!

A bit about me: for the last few years I have struggled with the break up of my marriage. I started the divorce when my youngest was only months old on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour...it was a bad time for us and it has taken a lot of coming to terms with. Since the divorce I've been bringing up my two kids on my own, and we're a very close little unit. I am self-employed and if there's a job out there I've tried it! Some were better than others :o:o:o

I'm finally in a position where I can pay off the last credit card debt that he left me with. Overall with solicitors fees etc it was well over £10k. It has been a real struggle, and it is going to be hard to part with my savings to make that last payment - even though it makes sense....

I've now got a 0% credit card to sort out (around £600), and the biggest debt of all - the mortgage as the ex took the endowment policy with him as part of the divorce.

I really need a good kick up the bum to get going in 2014. I feel I have been holed up at home too long and need to make changes for both me and the kids. I need to make changes money wise, work wise, appearance wise and socially.....just need a big shove to get started ;)

Good luck to all the other posters out there, this is such a fab forum and everyone has already been so supportive on my journey :D

Thanks for reading x
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Replies

  • IgamogamIgamogam Forumite
    6K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker PPI Party Pooper
    Forumite
    Good Luck BAIWH!
    Be the change you want to see -with apologies to Gandhi :o
    In gardens, beauty is a by-product. The main business is sex and death. ~Sam Llewelyn
    'On the internet no one knows you are a cat' :) ;)
  • PontPont Forumite
    1.5K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Been there and wore the preverbial T-shirt! Am in a good(ish) place now - it does get better!

    You've already got rid of two heavy weights off your shoulders - debt and your ex! Well done - this alone shows that you are a strong person and can make huge steps forward in 2014. Now for the changes!

    Do you have any family/friends support? If so, use them (in the nicest sense of course). You are not only 'mum', you are a person in your own right too. Join a club, take a course etc. which could also help with the income.

    Enhancing your work prospects will help with the money situation.

    Enhancing your income will help with your social situation.

    Enhancing your social situation will enhance your 'appearance'.

    One step will lead to the next etc.

    Tell yourself 'I can do' on a daily basis and it WILL happen.

    I found it helpful to set targets. For example this month I will explore training opportunities. Within 6 months I will apply for jobs that will pay my worth.

    Btw, your kids will recognise the 'new you' which will impact on them in a positive way. What better example can you be?

    Just to add, when all this c%^p landed at my door, I felt like crawling into the nearest big, black hole! I have since gained my degree, got a job which covers the bills (and a little extra) and most importantly have raised 2 kids who are intelligent (both Russell Group universities), kind, caring, quick witted and confident. All down to me - you betcha!

    Good luck!
  • edited 19 January 2014 at 2:01PM
    BeliveAndItWillHappenBeliveAndItWillHappen Forumite
    5 Posts
    edited 19 January 2014 at 2:01PM
    Thank you so so much Igamogam and Pont for your replies and encouraging words. I was *so* nervous about posting!

    Well done Pont on your story, you're an inspiration :A ...your advice has really got me thinking. I do need a starting point. At the moment I am just surviving, but surviving I am.

    I have enrolled on a course and paid the fee....but haven't had the time to get stuck in as I have needed to put the hours in work wise to generate income :o I think I need to find myself a study day a week....or a study afternoon. I know that until I'm qualified I'll be on the very low end of the payscale.

    I volunteer one night a week, and have some nice friends. But I'm not overly confident. I've put on some weight working at home online and comfort eating :( Next week's target must be to book a hair cut at the very least! Don't think it's been done since...oh I can't remember when. That says it all!
  • You've already shown how strong you are...this is the last bit!
    Good luck! You will do it!

    RR x
    £2 Savers Club 2014 £54 £20 Jan £14 Feb Mar£8 April £14[
    LBM FEB 2013 32,000 total.
    May 2014 Mum 1500/3000 MB CC 8,043
    BC1 1,900 BC2 5,551 TES 4,896 Nationwide 5,490
    Overdraft 3000 Total debt Feb 2014
  • edited 19 January 2014 at 6:37PM
    PippilongstockingPippilongstocking Forumite
    16.3K Posts
    edited 19 January 2014 at 6:37PM
    Also have the tshirt - good luck!!! (kids were 2 'and 3) so a bit older than yours hugs love.

    It's not easy but it's so worthwhile, my two are now Nearly grown up and lovely human beings. One at uni, one applying this year, it's always been hard but one smile makes it worthwhile.
    Total debt 26/4/18 <£1925 we were getting there. :beer:
    Total debt as of 28/4/19 £7867.38:eek:
    minus 112.06 = £7755.32:money:
    :money:Sleeves up folks.:money:
  • PontPont Forumite
    1.5K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Pippilongstocking - love your user name! Absolutely, couldn't agree with you more. It IS hard work, but thoroughly worthwhile.

    OP - why not suggest a night out with your volunteer friends? It needn't cost a lot but may give you the kickstart towards the other changes you mentioned?

    Keep setting realistic goals - you may not realise all of them, but a few 'ticks' as acheived will certainly raise confidence levels. A haircut (something totally diferent?) is a postitive step forward.

    Btw, I found a new haircut and red clothes helped ;-)
  • Thanks for the comments Rollercoaster Rach and Pippilongstocking, I really appreciate the support and I don't feel so alone now knowing others have been in the same boat and survived! :A A smile does make it worthwhile doesn't it, or the silly little comments they make, the mispoken words, the cuddles and I could go on....they are my world :D

    I've been working today, trying to get ahead so I could study tomorrow. Didn't get my project finished though and I'm too tired to work anymore and I still have uniforms to do :o

    Pont thanks for your words...must report back with haircut booked tomorrow! New clothes are a must too, I've been so busy saving money that my wardrobe is pretty much none existant....I barely have enough clothes to last me a week and am wearing boots from three years ago that I don't particularly like :o. There was no money for clothes when I was married and now much of the *spare* cash I have goes on the kids...I will have to try and squirrel some pennies away I think!!!
  • PontPont Forumite
    1.5K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    It doesn't matter how old your boots are (I've some that are 20 years old) so long as you wear them with attittude! Go girl!
  • Pont wrote: »
    It doesn't matter how old your boots are (I've some that are 20 years old) so long as you wear them with attittude! Go girl!

    You should bottle your positivity, I love it :T:T

    Been sorting the finances today, and couldn't quite manage to pay off that loan :o Think I need to keep a "buffer" in case anything else breaks, already have a bust oven, freezer and the TV is on its way out! But total debts now down to £1,720 (excluding mortage but that is another story)...some of that is on 0%, but some is on a loan that I am desperate to get paid off. If only I could be offered a credit transfer on my card to get a better interest rate. I've applied for a 0% credit card and was approved, still waiting for card 11 days after I sent credit agreement back :cool:

    On a positive note received £30 for switching suppliers using MSE today and a £50 Populuslive cheque at the weekend :D
  • laurag89laurag89 Forumite
    728 Posts
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    Just read your diary and well done, your extremely strong!

    From the other end of a similar story, I saw my mum and dad go through an awful breakup when I was only 4, all because my dad decided to leave her for an 18 year old. I saw my mum hit rock bottom with all the debt he left her, she literally scraped herself up off the floor and raised me and my sister on her own.

    I have nothing but respect for her, I am how I am because of her.... and if anything I have spent my 24 years making sure I turn out nothing like my waste of space dad.

    Anyway Just wanted to let you know that all the hard times you have been through are not for nothing, and they don't go unnoticed.

    Well done on your progress!

    x
    Total debt to pay: £14,071.41/ Remaining debt: £12,884.12: Amount Paid: £1,187.29

    Survey xmas 2018 savings: £10 / £150
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