Keeping savings "safe" from malicious ex?

TheTortieEllie

Hi,

I would really appreciate some help with my situation, but I undertstand it's probably a tricky question to answer.

My ex and I have split up and we are involved in a child access battle which is likely to end in the courts. He has no savings, so he would not be liable to pay court fees, however I have been saving hard for 2 years for a house deposit.

Basically, I need to know if there is any way I can continue to save and keep hold of (at least a sensible portion of) my savings in this situation?

My ex is the sort of person who would repeatedly drag me to court to financially ruin me, so I am wondering if there is any way I can continue to save (legally)? Like investing in something? At the moment I feel I might as well fritter my monthly wages on treats because I'm likely to just lose most of it to courts repeatedly anyway?

Thanks for any thoughts

pawlala

put it towards that deposit for the house?

Wilkins

pawlala wrote: »

put it towards that deposit for the house?

How would that help OP. She needs legal advice.

TheTortieEllie

The house is the long term aim. I planned to save £30k to put down to decrease the monthy payments.

Basicaly I'm looking to find out if there are any solutions to be able to keep hold of my savings so I'm not continually working "up the ladder, down the snake", due to my exe's behaviour.

Say if I lost £7k in one legal battle, saved up all the next year and then lost another £7k in a second and so on? Surely there is a way that I can move forwards and not have to put my home ownerhip goals aside until my child is 16?

Wilkins

TheTortieEllie wrote: »

The house is the long term aim. I planned to save £30k to put down to decrease the monthy payments.

Basicaly I'm looking to find out if there are any solutions to be able to keep hold of my savings so I'm not continually working "up the ladder, down the snake", due to my exe's behaviour.

Say if I lost £7k in one legal battle, saved up all the next year and then lost another £7k in a second and so on? Surely there is a way that I can move forwards and not have to put my home ownerhip goals aside until my child is 16?

I'm not sure you will be able to (though other, wiser heads may disagree) unless you revoke legal ownership of the money. One way to do this might be to give your savings to a trusted family member to be held by them in their name until such time as you are able to buy a home. There may be other ways too, but I think you should have legal advice on this. Presumably a solicitor is already involved?

atush

You could put as much if it as allowed this year into yoru child's name/isa etc. But it would remain theirs and you could not get it back for a deposit.

You could go ahead and buy. AS the money is invested after separation not sure how this would work. Ask your solicitor. The only surefire/legal way I know of is to pay off debt in your own name if you have any.

Gifting money to relatives could backfire if you have to give statements during discovery, or gifting it (as the money belongs then to whoever you gift it to) or withdrawing in increments and putting it as cash in a safety dep box etc. Again, consult your solicitor. And have him ask that half your costs (as the responsible adult who has savings) should be taken from your OH share as they have been irresponsible?

Thrugelmir

Push for mediation. Use a good family solicitor for the legal aspects in the background.

Mediation isn't easy but is far cheaper way of coming to a compromise. Used it myself. Mentally exhausting and draining.

TheTortieEllie

Thank you for your thoughts - I hope that mediation will be helpful, although my ex is very malicious and will lie his way through the process, especally as he has his relatives money to throw at it.

It's very frustrating really - we weren't even married (thank god!) but I feel like I have still given him access to my personal assets and control over my goals/life.

I also feel that for the next 16 years I am not "allowed" to do anything with my savings in case this is seen as "deprivation", even though there is no active court case as yet. I should be free to do what I wish with my savings. Very unfair.

IronWolf

TheTortieEllie wrote: »

Thank you for your thoughts - I hope that mediation will be helpful, although my ex is very malicious and will lie his way through the process, especally as he has his relatives money to throw at it.

It's very frustrating really - we weren't even married (thank god!) but I feel like I have still given him access to my personal assets and control over my goals/life.

I also feel that for the next 16 years I am not "allowed" to do anything with my savings in case this is seen as "deprivation", even though there is no active court case as yet. I should be free to do what I wish with my savings. Very unfair.

If there is no active court case then you can spend the money however you want to, there is no way they can count it as deprivation as you have no way of knowing the future.

Sounds like a complicated situation. Are his relatives not annoyed that he's spending all their money on law suits?

kidmugsy

Could you bung it into a pension to keep it safe, and then start saving for a deposit when it's all over?

atush

If you were not married, then there is no sharing of assets. So you could save/invest your own money. Get a solicitor, but do try for mediation over the child access issues as it is cheaper. And he can't lie, if you know the truth and can state it there in mediation.


The mediator will give him short shrift if he is malicious.


His relatives are probably backing him to keep access to t he children. If you promise them fair access, then they will support mediation to save their money?