Starting my Life Over

SherlockFan85

So far this year my life has turned completely upside-down...

My husband, who had been my partner for nine years and married for just six months, told my he has been sleeping with a younger woman (I'm only 28!) he met online, and despite not pursuing that relationship further, he does not want to be married anymore. So instead of trying for a baby this month, I have spent it moving out of our rented 3 bed semi, back into my parent's house, in the old box-room I spent as a teenager. All my money went into deposits and furniture for the flat we originally rented, then the house and the wedding. The only money I now have is the honeymoon fund of approx. £1700, which I insisted upon having as is the right of a jilted wife.

He was my only ever boyfriend and the only man I have ever loved. Tragically, I expected this to eventually happen, as his narcissism and total lack of respect for me throughout our relationship caused our love to die slowly over time. I shan't go into the gory details, but suffice to say I have put up with more in nine years than many would in two lifetimes. I never thought it was possible to fall out of love with someone... I was wrong.

I was always the holder of the finances however, the money-saver and the comper. He always just did as he pleased despite a joint account, which I was a damn fool to do in the first place. Whatever I brought into the house (or the relationship), he instantly took away. And although I know deep down it is the best thing for us, it doesn't mean my soul is not ripped in tatters.

So I am literally starting from scratch. I hope to go to Disneyworld Florida in April with my mum & sister with the honeymoon money, as I never even got to have one, which should be more than enough. After that, this will be my SOA:

I am a school administrator in London, and earn just over 25K

Net pay - £1504 (after pension and student loan)
Travelcard - £175 (currently it is £167.50 but I expect an increase soon)
Rent for Mum & Dad - £200 (they say no, but I insist!)
Cineworld Card - £16
Mobile Bill - £45 (rounded up, includes a few text comp entries here)
LoveFilm - £6
Rock Choir membership - £25
DFS Sofa - £40 (paying off for next three years, despite it now sitting forlorn in my dad's work warehouse)

Left - £997

Aside from a couple of annual magazine subscription payments, that's it now. I had everything before you would have as a "home owner": gas/elec/water/contents/sky/BT and even things like gym membership, contact lenses (both his) which I have spent the last fortnight cancelling. It is so surreal, and I am concerned that I will mentally revert back to my 18 year old self, with no real adult responsibilities. So I will pay rent, and will buy my own breakfasts and lunches, cook dinner when I can (I get home a lot later than my mum and sister as I commute) and wash my own clothes, although I'll have to jostle for space in the airing cupboard!

I will give myself a bit of a money-saving break as I heal over the next month, although mainly because I still have final utility bill payments (some include cancellation fees) to make, but after that plan to save up to £500 a month, leaving me £500 to play with for eating out, going out, maybe God forbid get my hair cut! :eek:

Anywho, rambled on too long already. So my diary here begins,
new life, new horizons, with a sore but mendable heart, hopeful for future happiness

Sammie22081

It sounds like you have a great plan!!! I was in a similar situation to you and I found that catching up with old friends up and down the country every week helped heal.

My best friend found that saving up to go and explore a foreign country gave her something to concentrate on and that helped heal.

Good Luck xxx

littlemiss_pretty

Great post SherlockFan85. I was in a similar situation as you (although wasn't with my ex for that long). He took everything my mum had bought for me like all the house stuff and the money he owed me. He married me to get a stay in this country and i was naive enough to fall for his charms. Ending the marriage was very hard but the best decision I have ever made in my life.Now I am in process of trying to get a divorce (paying for the whole thing myself) but i am much happier now. I have supoortive friends and family. I also keep myself busy my doing different activities. It makes me angry that he used me,has walked away freely and taken everything with him.But i am happy that i have got my life back and nobody is there telling me what to do all the time.
Keep updating your diary it will be good to see how you are getting on. It does get easy with time I promise. Hugs

SherlockFan85

Thanks for the kind words. We have both agreed to get the marriage annulled, as it counts as "voidable" as the marriage was never consummated. It's almost impossible to prove this, but in our case is 100% true (I said the details were gory, and FYI the problems in that area were entirely his). Having researched it will cost £410 in paperwork which we'll spilt as cost.

I cancelled our contents insurance yesterday, £47.50 cancellation fee plus around £10 for the remainder of that month as cover. Just council tax and EON to cancel left now (have to wait until a certain number of days before can cancel officially). Blessedly I am currently in the two month period of not paying council tax as I am paid up till 31/03 = two months council tax refund, woo hoo! And the library very kindly let me off my fine when I returned my books, as I had to change name/address and explained the reason why

Might try to start saving £2 coins again like I used to, get one of those "dream" jars that you smash open when it's full, and maybe the trick where you round your account to the nearest £10 and transfer the extra pennies to your savings. Every little helps I guess

Well so far today a spend of £1.99 for McDonalds brekkie (used Metro voucher) which I need to get on Tues/Thurs from now on, as I get up so early for work I disturb my light-sleeping parents & sister in the house and so cannot make breakfast at that time. Thankfully my workplace has breakfast on for staff 3 times a week, and if I use vouchers it's not so bad. Trouble is I hate sweet foods in the morning, so a quick porridge pot or cereal at my desk is a no-no.

Popping to Tesco for a "comper's shop" where I look for items with competitions on them so I can buy to enter, then to Waitrose for the same, plus free coffee and newspaper :beer:

littlemiss_pretty

As long as you have both agreed on annulment as it is very tricky to prove and when i was was making enquiries about it i was advised against it. But i do hope you sort it out.

LizzyByTheSea

I'm new to these forums but just wanted to say good luck! It sounds like you've got some good plans to start saving.

SherlockFan85

Had to log an official complaint with Barclays, as I discovered they sent my new chequebook to my husband's new address!! And the name on the cheques is still my married name, with a middle initial which doesn't belong to either of us :mad:

Cannot understand how they did this, when his account is completely separate to mine. Thankfully he gave me my post without opening (but he did open my comp win parcels, nosy b*****d). Not impressed with the young man who made multiple errors in the branch, but kudos to telephone banking for sorting it out.

Disney holiday booked now, won't seem real until I need to pack I guess, my mind is rather full.

Looking forward to start saving soon so I can update this diary with actual MSE stuff! Btw if anyone happens to know a 6ft, curly haired actor with a voice like dark caramel and a penchant for playing consulting detectives and Star Trek villains - please feel free to deposit him on my doorstep with a ribbon tied around his cheekbones

EccentricRavenJewellery

Hi there,
Just wanted to wish you all the best, you sound remarkably organised and 'together' for someone going through what must be a terrible time. Hope you have a great time on your holiday!

SherlockFan85

Right, so as apparently the decorators have started coming in and moving the last of my personal possessions around before my tenancy has even ended, blummin' cheek!! So I blitzed it with my dad and all my things are either in bin liners to be thrown (such a waste, but no space to store and no time to sell) or in my tiny room and my share of the garden pod. Sigh

Been comping like crazy as I've been covering reception and it's my quiet time at work until I get the list of new Year 7s. If I'm lucky maybe I can win some things to make up for my losses.
Well, the financial losses anyway.

Cancelled with EON with final bills for gas (£132 - eek!) and elec (£11 - yay!) and received a £71 phone bill (urgh!) which must be all those phone calls to the bank and utility companies.

Cannot WAIT for all these final bills to be paid, then my DD list will be teeny weeny and I can start saving!! I would really like to set up a couple of small monthly charity donations, which is something I've always meant to do but never did. Ooh, and give blood! Going to try at my local centre on the 31st if they have appointments after work

Emperor2014

SherlockFan I wish you all the happiness and success that you deserve! And it sounds like you have very supportive parents too.

candyandstripes

Just came across your post & wanted to wish you good luck! You never ever know what's around the corner ..