HELP! - August 2014 - NO money Eeek!

Evil_Olive

Hello, sorry for long post, I REALLY need some help!
Just got engaged - great - only problem is we have NO money to spend on a wedding. OH is in a low paid job and I lost mine a while back and have only been able to get part time work since. We are currently surviving on a combined income of approx £1200 a month so this is going to be the cheapest wedding in history. We are counting on parents helping us out a bit, I am obviously looking really hard for a full time job or another part-time one that fits with my existing hours and I will be heading over to the up your income forum later to see if I can get some ideas there. Unfortunately I already ruthlessly cut down all our spending to the bone when I first lost my job by religiously applying every piece of advice I could find on this site so there's probably not much more I can scrape out of the household budget but I will try to get a budget posted on the debt board soon and see if anyone can suggest anything more I can shave off to put in the pot.

We got engaged just before Christmas 2013 and have set the date (provisional on everything being available) for 30th August 2014 - so we are time-poor as well! We are both over 40 and don't want to wait any longer and we could be waiting for ever for things to improve financially.
My mum and stepdad have hinted that they may be giving us £1000 towards it as they did the same for my sister. Also, we asked for 'money only' for all our Christmas and engagement presents which adds up to about £600 in the pot so far. I am scouring the house and loft for stuff to sell and OH is putting all money he gets from playing gigs into the pot from now on and is working on getting extra ones booked.
Our budget is basically whatever we can get together before the wedding - we're hoping to scrape together at least £2000 in total, fingers crossed we might make it to £2500 or even £3000 but this is by no means guaranteed as my mum is now retired and she and my stepdad may not be able to help as much as they want to.
We are lucky in that our circle of friends are all alternative, kooky, creative and musical types so we are getting a lot of help and stuff for free. We were both really touched at all the offers that poured in as soon as we got engaged - they know how poor we are - lol .
Also, we both have really big and close families and a lot of very loyal and close friends, many of whom are providing all the free stuff so it's hard to keep the numbers down - we'd rather everyone we love was there & cut down on what's provided instead

We did consider a weekday wedding but, due to the type of thing we are planning and the free stuff we've been offered, this wouldn't result in that much of a saving - certainly not massive enough to be worth people having to take the day off work or not being able to make it etc so we thought "what the hell" and provisionally chose a Saturday to make things easier on everyone.

We wanted a traditional ceremony but are not religious so we are having a traditional open air Saxon type Handfasting Ceremony (can't get any more traditional than that without covering yourself in woad! ) We wanted to start off with a welcome drink and finish off with a champagne toast. - Approx 20-30 people for the actual ceremony. We will register the marriage at the local registry office a few days later with just the two required witnesses to take care of the legal bit.

We have decided to cut out any kind of sit down meal but our preferred venue for the ceremony (Gibberd Gardens in Harlow, Essex) is only available til 2pm as it is open to the public after that time so we would be left with a bit of a gap to fill before the evening reception - Gibberd Gardens has a rather nice Barn Tearoom serving cream teas for £3.50 so we might ask if we can have the ceremony as near to 2pm as poss and then our guests stay on for a cream tea and a stroll round the gardens afterwards even though it's open to the public. Hopefully this would keep them going till the evening buffet. Any other ideas would be welcome? But we're trying to avoid the hassle of travelling between more than two venues.

Our evening do will start fairly early at about 6pm or even 5pm (again, to avoid the need for an imbetween thing/meal) and be a pub function room/buffet type thing with a paying bar (although we will hopefully be able to put some money behind the bar so that the first drink is on us). - approx 120 people for the evening reception including those who also attend the ceremony

We will probably have 2 bridesmaids (my sisters - we have a childhood pact that we will all be bridesmaids for each other - I'm the second to get married), one flower girl (OHs only niece) and a pageboy (my only nephew) to get the families involved (best man will be OHs brother)

Dress will be pretty casual as most of us live on Planet Rock But the 'Wedding Colours' are soft sage green and 'natural' (an unbleached white)

Have only just started thinking about planning really (had to get Christmas out of the way) so haven't done a proper budget sheet yet, just a list of ideas and guesses under broad headings that I've copy/pasted below. Most things we've had ideas for but haven't properly costed yet - a question mark next to the price means I'm guessing, just a question mark means I haven't got a clue.
Any advice on how much things are likely to cost or how to keep costs down further would be greatly appreciated. I'm also aware that there are probably loads of items missing from this list so any suggestions for things to add also appreciated.

GENERAL
Engagement Party - already done this - we spent £100 on food, champagne, cake & decs and had it round our place - over 100 people in a tiny one bedroom flat! - they were hanging out of the windows!!!
Wedding Insurance - £? - not looked up prices yet - will take this out before we actually book anything.
Invitations and 'Save the Date' cards - £20? - going to make them myself or farm them out to my crafting friends
Photographer - £FREE - Have 2 or 3 friends who are amateur photographers with pro equipment and abilities who have offered to do this for free - we will accept all offers so that the responsibility is not all on one person and they can enjoy the day as well. They will also give me discs with all the original full size images for free afterwards.
Videographer - £FREE? - have a friend who is a professional gig videographer with all the equipment who will probably do this for a nominal fee or free as a wedding present although I haven't asked him yet.
Car - up to £100 for petrol depending on distances - have a friend who has offered to drive us in his lovingly restored 1932 Hot-Rod car for the whole day for free - we have to pay for the petrol though as it eats it like nobody's business Groom will be driven to ceremony by best man in his own car.
Flowers & Decorations - £? - not thought much about this yet - thinking that ivy, rose hips, bowls of fruit & stuff might be cheaper than flowers and easier to DIY.
Wedding dress £50-100? for for fabric and/or trimmings & notions plus possibly purchased corset - simple, slightly medieval looking, close fitting shift type thing in natural unbleached silk or linen with a fancy corset on top. I will probably make at least the shift part of this myself with the help of my other sewing friends. A dressmaking cousin has 10 yards of unbleached slub silk that she got very cheap for an order that subsequently fell through - she has offered to sell it to me at cost (£3 a yard!!!) I also have a lovely cream jaquard corset, hardly worn, which might dye nicely to a sage green and I could then add braid etc
Bridesmaids Dresses (2 adult, one child) £50-80? for fabric and/or trimmings & notions - as above in sage green minus the corset - may also make a sage green waistcoat for the pageboy - there may be enough silk left to dye green and use for the bridesmaids and waistcoats if I'm very careful with cutting out.
Groom/Best Man etc clothing - £40-60? for matching shirts - Clothing/shoes will be fairly casual for the men - just shirts & trousers probably (OH says that he only wears a suit if it's a funeral ) and everyone will provide their own although we may think about getting matching/toning coloured shirts for groom, best man and principle ushers. OH will wear his old faithful (20 years plus) cowboy boots on his feet - lovingly cleaned, restored and polished by me No hat needed - like Vince Noir, his hair is practically a hat
Brides/Bridesmaids shoes - £? - not thought about this yet - ceremony is barefoot anyway
Brides jewellery & head-piece/tiara - £20? for beads & wire etc - I will make this myself with the help of crafty friends so that I can be sure of it all matching as I want it to.
Bridesmaids jewellery & head-piece/tiara - £30-40? - as above
Makeup artist/hairdresser for bride and bridesmaids - £FREE - My stepsister is a hairdresser and will do this for free - we'll all be doing our own makeup
Mother of Bride/Groom - £FREE - they are paying for their own outfits
Contingency - £?

CEREMONY
Ceremony Venue - £0 to £200? - Would REALLY appreciate any suggestions for alternative venues at a similar price point in the general area of Romford, Essex. - Basic requirements are a prettyish piece of woodland/garden/countryside with basic facilities such as toilets and permission to put up a marquee or gazebos in case of the English weather turning nasty. Have been looking at the Gibberd Gardens - £50 per hour (would need it for up to 4 hours including set-up and take-down time) for sole use of gardens including barn tearoom & catering facilities - can bring own food & drink and use their kitchen and crockery/cutlery or pay extra for them to provide food & staff - no corkage.
If the timing on this proves too problematic - we will be looking for alternatives as described above. Will look at contacting farmers in the area, the local authority and bugging friends and relatives for anyone they know with a large and lovely garden or piece of land.
I know a few people who've just tripped out with their guests to the local public woodland and held their handfastings and a wedding picnic totally free and without asking a by-your-leave from anyone. We are very near Epping and Hainault Forests so this could be an option but obviously there are no facilities and there is always the remote possibility that someone official will come nosing round to find out what such a large group are doing and cause a problem. - They can't actually stop you using public countryside in this way but it still risks delay and hassle that you don't want on your wedding day so not sure about this one.
Facilities needed if not provided on site - toilets, marquee/gazebos, table/s and some means of serving drinks & cream tea, chairs (only strictly necessary for elderly or infirm guests as ceremony is supposed to have everyone standing in a ring)
Marquee - £? - to hold 30 people with room for ceremony in case of bad weather - may be cheaper to buy several gazebos rather than hire a marquee, especially as it hopefully won't even get used
Wedding Rings - £200 - mine will only be about £100 as I want a very thin and dainty plain white gold band to match my classic solitaire engagement ring. I want to spend lots more on OHs because he didn't want an engagement ring and he spent £600 on mine. So I'm prepared to blow up to (if he likes something cheaper then great) £700 on his but £600 of that is the equivalent of an engagement ring and a gift from me out of my personal savings (rest of which go in the pot) so I'm putting this in the 'Wedding' budget at £200 for both
Music for ceremony £FREE- one of OHs musician friends is a very good flute player and has offered to warble away all through the pre/post ceremony and do a Medieval style equivalent of the 'Wedding March' up the aisle for us
Celebrant/Priest - £200 - A pagan friend has put me in touch with a local Handfasting celebrant who will charge around £200 including all travel & props etc.
Catering & drinks for Ceremony venue - £? - Bring our own Welcome drinks and Champagne toast, possibly followed by a cream tea at £3.50 per head for 20 to 30 people or provide our own tea, scones, jam & cream for cheaper but would have to do it earlier if at Gibberd Gardens.

RECEPTION
Reception Venue - £FREE - For the last 5 years OH has played a regular weekly gig at the pub where we both met and the Landlord has offered us the upstairs function room for free (room hire only) It's a lovely original 14th century pub full of real structural beams, crooked floors and cute nooks, crannies and balconies - also said to be haunted - Yay! This is the only thing we have actually properly booked so far - didn't want to risk losing our preferred date, though we can change it if necessary once we sort out the ceremony venue as long as any other date we want is still open.
Catering & drinks for Reception venue - £? - Champagne for toasting, buffet for 120 people, plus money behind the bar to cover the first drink for the earlier guests (or whatever we can afford) or alternatively provide a set welcome drink on arrival (Pimms? Cocktail? Fizz?) with no money behind the bar. Will ask the venue Landlord whether he can do any of this and for how much. Alternatively look at DIYing a lot of it & ask about corkage
Wedding cake - £20? for ingredients - thought about the traditional Saxon thing where each guest brings a rock cake and they are all stuck together in a pile with honey as the guests arrive but thinking that this might become messy and prone to disaster - may think about getting some of our baking friends to do a more stable and previously-stacked variation on this idea.
Band - £FREE - OH plays in several bands and all his musician friends will be invited to the reception anyway - they are bringing all their equipment and will take turns to play, finishing with a giant jam session during which they will all play at once! - gonna love that. Only down side will be making sure that OH isn't on the stage all night instead of mingling - can easily see the first dance starting and me doing it by myself because he's playing it!
DJ - £FREE to £200 - Have a DJ friend who will do this for expenses only but he works with a partner who I am not aquainted with and this guy will still want paying his half as he will be losing out on a Saturday night gig. Also, they usually do big nightclub style paying parties so the equipment is large and expensive to transport and set up. Even with my friend giving his own time for free, it will still cost us up to £200
OR I could just have a playlist on an iPod plugged into the band's PA for FREE

AFTERWARDS
Wedding Night hotel room - £100? - the reception venue is just round the corner from our flat so we could just go back there but it would be nice to find a decent local hotel with a honeymoon suite to make it a bit special.....
Registering the Marriage - £127 - Banns £35 each, Registering the marriage £45, 3 copies of the wedding certificate at £4 each (one each plus a spare for use as proof of my name change to avoid our own copies getting lost).
Honeymoon - £1000? - My Dad is giving us £2000 to 'start our married life' with but will only hand it over AFTER the wedding to prevent us spending more on the wedding than we need to - he did the same for my sister. So we will probably spend half that on a slap up all-inclusive package somewhere hot either late in the season 2014 or early in the season 2015 to snag a bargain. I know it's extravagant but neither of us have had a holiday for over 10 years and might not for another 10!

Tashatutuw

I know you mention not wanting to wait too long but have you considered doing the wedding a few weeks later in September? Moving out of 'August' which is peak season might save you some money with places. Just a suggestion?

Evil_Olive

Thanks Tasha - we did look at this but the type of daytime venue we're looking at is not the type that is usually booked out for weddings so they tended not to change price in the same way - also worried about increased chances of bad weather later on in the year as it's an open air ceremony. Reception venue not affected by date as we are getting it for free anyway. If we end up using a caterer this may well make a big difference but we are trying to avoid having to do that at all costs.....

CompBunny

Can't type a long response right now but didn't want to read and run!

Save the dates and invitations : email or print yourself. Use weddingchicks.com invitation or monogram generators. Set up a free wedding website on gettingmarried.co.uk

Rings: Register with bettsmetalsales as a "hobbyist" and then you can see trade prices for rings.

Celebrant: do you have a friend who could perform for free? Pagan friend probably has all the "props" already?

xxx

CompBunny

I think a hogroast washed down with honey mead would suit your theme perfectly by the way

ETA: Its also worth contacting campsites (any with yurts? honeymoon night under the stars!) nearby, or village halls with green space attached...often cheap to hire and you could bring in your own drink and catering and have the ceremony at the same place. Just a thought

Fuzzy_Duck

Firstly I love all of your ideas! I agree with CompBunny that mead and a hog roast would be very fitting, but I looked into hog roasts and unless you have a good 100 people coming you don't actually save much.

Shoe wise I think you can just ask your bridesmaids to wear an existing pair of shoes. At least then they will fit and be comfy, and it saves you paying for a pair they may never wear again. As for you, sandals would probably be good if you plan to go bare foot anyway? Shouldn't cost too much for a pair of sandals, and if you wear them again you'll at least get your money's worth.

If the ceremony isn't long, maybe you could skip the marquee entirely? They're pretty expensive, but as you say a few gazebos might be significantly cheaper.

VintageBelle

Could you have a go at making Elderflower champagne (I know it's easier said than done as I tried making some last year and it went mouldy before it fermented), but there are loads of online tutorials.

Could you not ask guests to all be a part of it and everyone bring a plate of something?

If you made your own afternoon tea you don't necessarily need scones and jam etc...fairy cakes and sandwiches are just as nice and can be made quite cheaply. (Unless you make your own scones and jam?)

As for the dress you could have a look at vintage dresses as they are often cheaper than ready made modern dresses or check out Ebay and Gumtree. You could even ask for items or help on Freecycle etc.

I went to a wedding and for the decorations on tables etc they purchased loads of cheap vases, decanters etc from charity shops and car boots then draped old pearl necklaces over them. You could do something similar but put freshly picked flowers in. Gypsophila is quite cheap to by and fills things out, it also looks really pretty.

There are probably many blogs out there for the thrifty bride. Also look on the Superscrimpers website and A Thrifty Mrs blog as there may be ideas on there. I find Pinterest is also really helpful for creative ideas.

Good luck

Evil_Olive

Thanks for your responses, I think I was in my first panic when I wrote the original post (hence it's length and wordiness) [sheepish]
Now I actually look at what I wrote I seem to have answered some of my own problems and it doesn't look half so impossible as I thought it would. I'm feeling like it might actually be do-able you know.....
It looks like our main problems are the catering & drink and getting a ceremony venue local enough to use the free car we've been offered, that we can have at around that pricepoint for just a few hours in the afternoon - I think it's a matter of persuading venues that we don't need any inside space and getting them to charge us accordingly or finding unusual venues or places that are not usually hired out...
Again - anyone in the Romford/Havering/Essex area who knows of anywhere that might be suitable please do post it - no matter how ludicrous it might seem
Or if there's any one who has a big garden/orchard/paddock/field that they'd be glad to let us use for 3-4 hours for up to £200? - we are all housetrained and very respectful.....

Compbunny
RE invites: That's what I'm thinking we will do, I'm fairly well versed with Photoshop and we have a market here with a couple of haberdashery stalls where I can pick up bits like ribbon and decorative buttons/roses etc much cheaper than in Hobby shops so we should be able to make some pretty good ones for not a lot.
RE bettsmetalsales - I remembered seeing this on another post ages ago but couldn't find it for the life of me - Thanks!!! I can get the posh ring I want for OH for 1/2 the price and have more of my savings left to put in the pot!
RE: celebrant - The guy she has put us in touch with has been a pagan for over 10 years and is very experienced in performing handfastings, we've also met him and 'feel good' about him so we feel this is the safer option - also, £200 'all in' is actually not bad - the church of England charges nearly double that! We feel it is worth the £200 to know that he knows what he's doing and it will go smoothly.....
Campsites! what a brilliant idea! There's one fairly local to us in Debden that myself and a few friends used to camp in every year that allowed bonfires and was pretty free & easy about what you got up to so long as you didn't annoy the other campers though I've heard it's gone downhill somewhat lately but I will look at this as the last time I was there you could hire a whole 7 tent pitch with a firepit for about £50 a night..... There are also a few scout camp lands that hire out for events locally and have all the marquees, toilets, cookhouses etc permanently set up on site - will seriously look into this....
Hogroast - groan - you really whet my appetite but when we looked at the layout of the venue there was just nowhere to put one - pub is in the town market square so has no outside space -Can they be done indoors do you know?
Meads good too - served in very small measures and so sweet that no one ever fancies a second helping - very devious

FuzzyDuck - sandals would also be in keeping with the theme - my sister went on holiday late season last year when there were no longer any summer shoes in the shops and picked up several pairs of very fancy flip flop type sandals on ebay for under a tenner each that looked lovely - will check this out.....

VintageBelle -
I do have a friend who's into making her own wine - I will ask her about the Elderflower champagne as it sounds lovely and very in keeping with the traditional theme.
I did think about asking guests to bring food but I had a friend who did this and it was a complete shambles - really stressed her out on the day so this has put me off somewhat - but I am considering it still.....
Scones: I know it sounds crap, but I've discovered that if you put Tescos value brand scones in the oven for ten minutes they come out all crusty and home-made tasting and stay that way for a day or so - I was thinking of using those as they are only 49p for 10 [shame]
I think I've pretty much decided to make my dress & use the corset I already have so that I can make it look exactly how I want it but I am still open to something vintage/second hand if it catches my eye.....
Really appreciate your suggestion for the vases & pearls - that's a really good idea and charity shops seem to have strings of cheap beads coming out of their ears.....

heartbreak_star

Mead in small measures? Nah, ask any LARPer

I think your wedding sounds lovely, I don't really have much to add but I hope you have the time of your lives

HBS x

jinky9

Be careful how you ask your videographer friend for free photography as a wedding present. The offer has to come from them. It always makes me smile when friends say to me "you shouldn`t offer such big discounts " sometimes(I`m a wedding photographer) and yet expect them or free work when it comes to their wedding / event. I always say no now- I can come as a guest or as a working photographer giving a discount. Otherwise I seem to be the only one giving a £800 + wedding present when others are giving a toaster!

tillyenna

I've just looked over your budget - the wedding sounds lovely! However it's not actually a legal wedding, you'll need a registrar, and they can only do the legal bit of the ceremony inside (weird rule... unless your in Scotland, Scotland is different) - registering intent to marry and certificates alone gets you to about £80 iirc and that doesn't include paying the registrar for the day. You may find the cheapest way to do that is to have the 'official' ceremony during the day beforehand (or after) at a quiet time for the registry office, and then have the day you've planned as a blessing/celebration of your marriage. (That's what my friends who had a handfasting did, quiet ceremony in the registry office, then two weeks later a huge party with their handfasting)


Also it's worth noting that you'll need to decide how long you want your handfasting to be binding for - you specify it in the ceremony (traditional ones are 'a year and a day' or 'a lifetime/until death' or 'in this life and the next')