OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

melanzana

Oh dear. I had to talk to anonymous people now. (I read all posts, enjoy the thread).

I am in total floods of tears all morning. Am on a break now. Tissues at hand.

My youngest sister died last Summer. Today, Valentines Day would have been her 15th wedding anniversary. Her husband is in bits. Just spoke on the phone.

I can't breathe. But I know this will pass. I just had to write something to make me focus.

My OHs brother died at the same time as my sister. Unbelievable I know.

I dont think either of us has processed all this.

Sorry, I hope you all don't think I am mad.

I think I will leave early today and go to bed.

Life is such a total Bit€h sometimes isn't it?

LavenderBees

Well, I have to admit that I don't honestly pay this much attention to cleaning. I use whatever cleaning product I have in the house (usually bought when it's 100% extra free or whatever), and generally use it for pretty much everything.

That said, I am generally a reasonably tidy person, but still have to rush round like a loony if anyone is coming to stay (like this week ).

As I did all that "stuff" earlier in the week, I feel no need at all to do housework this weekend :T. In fact, I very much feel the need for a PJ weekend, so will go shopping for a few bits and pieces after work tonight, and then I plan to hunker down.


I have a few things on my list of THINGS THAT MUST BE DONE BY THE END OF JANUARY (yes, it's written in bold on my list, too, but that still didn't ensure I managed to achieve them :rotfl:). Still, I'm pleased with what I have achieved - I now have a will all signed and ready to go (hopefully not soon!! :eek:) and have commissioned an IFA to take a look at my pensions and give me some advice on retiring asap (preferably at 55 which is still some way off, and probably unachievable, but for the moment, I am living in hope ). I also found myself a fab chilli plant (with chillis on it and all kinds), and that wasn't even on my list! :T. As for my key safe, it's full of spare keys...just not on the wall in my shed just yet.

So, my plans for this weekend include - going back to bed with a cuppa, staying in my PJs , pottering around finishing the last few list items (living will and sorting through my document file - nightmare jobbie, how does it get so out of hand...? I do it every year!)

I have discovered a lamb shoulder in my freezer so will slow roast that on Sunday and serve with cauli cheese.

And then on Monday, I will drag my sorry and much fatter bum back to work having eaten and drunk all weekend, and not exercised at all. But hey...it's allowed once in a while. Bliss!

Hope you all have lovely plans.....? Let me know so I can gloat that mine are the laziest

LB xx

LavenderBees

melanzana wrote: »

Oh dear. I had to talk to anonymous people now. (I read all posts, enjoy the thread).

I am in total floods of tears all morning. Am on a break now. Tissues at hand.

My youngest sister died last Summer. Today, Valentines Day would have been her 15th wedding anniversary. Her husband is in bits. Just spoke on the phone.

I can't breathe. But I know this will pass. I just had to write something to make me focus.

My OHs brother died at the same time as my sister. Unbelievable I know.

I dont think either of us has processed all this.

Sorry, I hope you all don't think I am mad.

I think I will leave early today and go to bed.

Life is such a total Bit€h sometimes isn't it?

You have my sympathy. Grief is hard. And it rears up at awful times. I'm not surprised you and your BIL are upset.

I lost my Mam just last week after effectively losing her to altzheimers last year, so I understand how you feel. My Mam and Dad would have celebrated Valentine's Day, and their wedding anniversary would have been next month, and Dad's birthday would have been the month after etc etc. It all adds up to a horrible time for those left behind, but we have no choice but to gird our loins and march on.

I think you need to take some time off. Maybe go for a wee walk to settle yourself a little, treat yourself to something nice, be good to yourself.

Big hug!

LB xx

melanzana

LavenderBees wrote: »

You have my sympathy. Grief is hard. And it rears up at awful times. I'm not surprised you and your BIL are upset.

I lost my Mam just last week after effectively losing her to altzheimers last year, so I understand how you feel. My Mam and Dad would have celebrated Valentine's Day, and their wedding anniversary would have been next month, and Dad's birthday would have been the month after etc etc. It all adds up to a horrible time for those left behind, but we have no choice but to gird our loins and march on.

I think you need to take some time off. Maybe go for a wee walk to settle yourself a little, treat yourself to something nice, be good to yourself.

Big hug!

LB xx

I am so sorry for your loss. Your post has me blubbering again. I hope you are OK.

I think it's when we experience loss ourselves that we really understand what bereaved go through.

Too much expectation from others that once a month or so has passed, everythings alright.

It does come up and bite you, you are right.

But this too, will pass.

Thank you.

LavenderBees

melanzana wrote: »

I am so sorry for your loss. Your post has me blubbering again. I hope you are OK.

I think it's when we experience loss ourselves that we really understand what bereaved go through.

Too much expectation from others that once a month or so has passed, everythings alright.

It does come up and bite you, you are right.

But this too, will pass.

Thank you.

Well, yes, it's been a tough 12 mths, but I am pretty numb just now. Have barely cried since Mam died, but I cried buckets last year as I tried so hard to help them both. I'm sure I won't feel numb for ever, but for now, I'm just plain exhausted, too exhausted tofeel anythig really. To me, it was far worse to see them suffering than to leave them at peace. I miss them though, and that won't ever change.

I think other people's grief and sadness is difficult to take and no doubt hearing your BIL so upset has triggered your grief and vice versa. That's not a bad thing. It needs to be let out or you will become ill. It's good that you have family support and can be supportive back. Believe me, speaking as one who has no family support at all, that is a major plus. So, hang onto the good thoughts...and don't despair...this tidal wave of grief will recede again.

I've only been back at work a day and a half, and most of my colleagues have already forgotten my very recent bereavement....such is life, I suppose. The hard side being that others forget quickly, while we never can. But remember tha smiles on others' faces are often masking grief or problems, too. Just not yours.

Havig said that, we mustn't forget those who have lost loved ones through other means e.g. divorce/separation etc. I often feel that those of us who are singlie because of this rather than bereavement, still have all the grief to work through, but society is even less tolerant, and forgets even more quickly. 9 years on and I still grieve for my lost love. But I live with that, and have learned to keep it under control, but days such as this where love is rammed down our throats are particularly hard to take.

Luckily, today at work, the people who are in, are not romantically inclined at all, so no HUGE bouquets have arrived for me to grit my teeth at :rotfl:

You will be fine, Sweetheart. You're not alone in how you are feeling. That's why this thread is here, to help us all through the ups and mostly downs of life.

Let us know how you get on later. I must do some real work...

LB xx

groatie_queen

I send my heartfelt thoughts and hugs to you both. Loss is so tough, and grief such hard work and it can seem unrelenting. I agree with LB, let the tears out melanazana, or you're more likely to become ill.

I don't think any of us get over losing loved ones. My mother died 15 years ago, and I still have teary moments of missing her.

Have a gentle weekend,and be kind to yourselves, LB and melanzana. The same goes for any one else coping with grief.

xx GQ

calicocat

melanzana wrote: »

Oh dear. I had to talk to anonymous people now. (I read all posts, enjoy the thread).

I am in total floods of tears all morning. Am on a break now. Tissues at hand.

My youngest sister died last Summer. Today, Valentines Day would have been her 15th wedding anniversary. Her husband is in bits. Just spoke on the phone.

I can't breathe. But I know this will pass. I just had to write something to make me focus.

My OHs brother died at the same time as my sister. Unbelievable I know.

I dont think either of us has processed all this.

Sorry, I hope you all don't think I am mad.

I think I will leave early today and go to bed.

Life is such a total Bit€h sometimes isn't it?

Nope.......don't think you are mad at all. Last summer is still early days and how you feel is perfectly normal.

The array of different feelings and emotions that grief brings is horrid and exhausting, we don't believe it at the time, but when people say that time is a healer this is true.
You don't forget, but you begin to process things differently in your head, remember different things, see things differently, and the waves of horrid feelings become less and don't smack you in the face when they do come.


I hope you and your BIL feel a bit better tomorrow.x

BookWorm

I'm not sure I have any encouraging words to add to that already posted today but didn't want to read and run

Hugs to all but extra for those having a tougher time right now :grouphug:

Have a wonderful weekend whatever you are doing


BW

redbette

newbie here hello x

melanzana

Sorry folks, had a bit of a meltdown today. But am a bit better now.

My little nephew who has Aspergers has just arrived for his birthday sleepover with me, a tradition! And those kids like routines. He bounded in the door with a Furbie that talks and sleeps. Hells bells, what next!

Needless to say he has no idea what today means, but his parents do, and understand. We could have putt this off, but am glad I didn't.

He, the little darling has cheered me up no end.

Thanks for all your kind thoughts. Sorry if I upset anyone, didn't mean to, just needed to vent.

X