At A complete loss

norwichboy

Hi, not sure if anyone can help me but any guidance would be greatly received.

My wife and I split up last January. She started seeing someone else in March which I found out about in May and then moved out of our home. We have two kids together and we have an arrangement in place that we are both happy with.

My problem is that for the first few months after I moved out, I continued to pay the mortgage and the bills to the house and our debt. As I couldn't afford to this (as i was just spending more on the credit card) I stopped paying the bills, but continued paying the mortgage, as with Maintanence and I was receiving the child benefit) this seemed to even itself out. However I was or rather am still paying all the debt. This debt is in my name which she has on more than one occasion threatened to walk away from. The guy she was seeing now lives in the house and has his apartment up for sale. She denies he lives there,and is selling to rent, but the kids talk about him, and I know he is there every night.

I need to try and get my money sorted out but need to know, what I am legally bound to pay her. Do I have to continue paying half the mortgage and maintance? Can, if i can prove he does live in my house, set up a rent agreement that he must pay me to live in my house? My wife has also threatened with having the house signed over to her so I have no right to any capital in the house as her solicitor informs her this can be done "in the interest of the children". I can't even afford to pay the rates a solicitor charges, hence my questions on here. I dont really know who to or where to turn. She now wants £400 of me to pay for the Divorce, which I simply can't afford. I have worked out the approx 70% of my salary goes to that house/her/kids etc.

It really stresses me out to a point where I can't sleep. I have met someone knew, but fear for any future we could have, as I simply cant afford to help provide one.

Any help on what my rights are would be greatly appeciated.

Thanks

Kayalana99

Age of kids?

norwichboy

Girl 7 (well 8 in a week!) and a boy 5.

Kayalana99

In short as I have my hands full atm with my own, you only need to pay 15 or 20% of your salary I forget which for two kids - usally you cant force her to sell the house till kids are 18 but you'd get money out of it then.

A rouge solictor will proablly tell her shes entitled to 100% so she will take you to court to fight for it (gets them more money)

norwichboy

I don't want to force her sell but how can I pay for that house and never be able to afford my own. If things keep going the way they are I will be in so much debt it could be repossessed.

monty-doggy

You could try mediation first, as this may help sort all of this out.

You can have a look on the csa website and see exactly how much child support you should be paying to her.

Spousal maintenance is usually to help to keep the family in a manner they have become accustomed to, but is usually for high earners and such. If you are now maintaining a home for yourself, and for your children to visit, and can demonstrate that you are not financially better off than her as a result of the split then it is unlikely you will have to pay spousal maintenance. Also I'm pretty sure that her living with a new partner would end that anyway.
You need to sort the divorce out and the financials as you cannot continue being responsible for it all.
The divorce will look at all assets and all debts, it's easier if you can come at an agreement between you rather than pay over the top through solicitors and court hearings, which is why mediation would help.

It's normal for the mother to be granted right of stay in the property until the youngest child reaches 18 or leaves full time education, however if she moves a new partner into the house then a judge may agree to force a sale because of that.
Upon the child reaching 18 the house would be sold and divided as per your agreement/what the court says.
One of the easiest ways to do this is look at the equity in the house as it is now, and you would have claim to 50% of the equity as it stands now and if she is paying the mortgage then she would have 100% of any additional equity built up until the house is sold.

She could of course re mortgage the house in her own name now, if you agreed and 'buy you out' for an agreed sum.

As for him paying you rent, you could try but I very much doubt either of them will agree to this, which is why it's better to get it sorted sooner rather than later.

If you stop paying the mortgage, the mortgage provider will chase her for the money too, and assuming she doesn't want to face repossession, she should pay it. My oh was in a similar situation and his divorce is coming through next week. It's taken us 5 years to reach a good solution and his ex is living in his house with her new partner, the marital children and her new child to her new partner. She assumes all the mortgage payments and upkeep of the property.
As there is little or no equity in the house we have agreed that upon the youngest marital child being 18 the house will be sold and she can have any equity as it's she who is maintains and paying for the house.
We have a clause however that if she defaults on the payments my oh will seek a court order to force the sale of the house based on her co habbiting and non payment of mortgage.
He pays child maintenance as per csa and no other payments are made to his ex.

Without knowing how much savings either of you has or your incomes and mortgage outstanding etc it's hard to advise.

Every case is different, and you do need to seek professional help. There may be a cost now, but it's better to have a smaller outlay no than end up costing 1000's in the future.

I hope you get some resolve.

heartbreak_star

Make use of a half-hour's free advice at a solicitor's, and talk to the CAB.

HBS x

DKLS

She is taking the mick, get a solicitor asap.

FBaby

You have different choices:
- You can stop paying your part of the mortgage with her agreement that she and boyfriend pay all, that they have to sale when youngest is 18, but you will only be entitled to your part of the equity up to the time they took on the full mortgage. If agreed, this will need to be drawn by a solicitor. You pay 20% of your income in child support (or whatever it would be if going via new csa system)
- or she/he buys you out and you agree on what they should pay you.
- you take her to court and request the sale of the house. Whether this will be granted will depend on a number of factors and the judge. They will consider whether she is/can work, whether they have a serious relationship and he has officially moved in, whether he has an income that would support her etc... I was told by a solicitor that it is very possible that a judge would grant the sale of a jointly owned house even when young children are involved if the parent with care, alone or with a serious new partner, can afford to rehouse the family without the children being compromised by it.

mrcow

You say that you can't afford a solicitor.

Honestly, I think you can't afford not to have one. This has all the making of disaster waiting to happen. You need to protect your interests and assets.

norwichboy

Thanks for the advice guys. I will have to get a solicitor and just stump up now like you say rather than pay more over time.