OH's ex back on drink again, children heartbroken.....

19lottie82

Arrrrrrrrgh, some of you may remember myposts about my OH’s ex who was a recovering alcoholic. Had been a TOTAL nightmare in the past but Had been off the drink (to our knowledge for 2years), and managed to get a job 6 months ago. Still a pain in the back side in many ways (being overly nasty for no reason and letting the kids down), but heyho, things were a lot better.



Anyway OH’s girls are approaching 10 (on Sunday) and 14 (in March), and for the last year have been spending half theirtime at their Mums (4 on, 4 off). She has just managed to rent a new house nearer the girls school, where they have a bed room each, and the girls were delighted about this.



So she phones the girls on Monday night andthe eldest tells her Dad that she thinks her Mum has been drinking, and upon my OH calling her back, yup, she’s steaming drunk!



He has tried to call her back a couple oftimes a day since, to try and tell her to pull herself together for the sake ofthe kids, but she just gets aggressive and tells him to F off.



He has called her AA group who have basically said, until she decides to stop there is nothing anyone can do. Healso called her father who lives about an hour away, thinking her parents might go and take her to theirs for a few days to sort her out, but no, they aregoing away for the weekend apparently. He likes to play the doting dad / granddad when it suits him, but he still expects my ex to take some responsibility forher which I find ridiculous as they have been split up for 4 years!



Obviously the concern here is the girls,they are totally heartbroken, especially the youngest. The eldest is totally wise to what is going on, and I think the youngest is too, to a certain extent,but is also in a state of denial, especially since her Mum keeps texting her totell her sorry she hasn’t phoned, but she has been working night shifts (she’s an administrator in a 9-5 role!).



They were supposed to be going to their Mums tonight for 4 days, but obviously now that won’t happen. But still the youngest packed her bag last night and put it at the front door L. My OH had to speak to her and tell her she won’t be going. She asked when and he had to tell her he couldn’t say for definite,but she us still heartbroken, the poor wee soul. She cried herself to sleep lastnight and keeps saying her tummy hurts.



It’s her birthday on Sunday and my OH had booked a party for her at a local chocolate workshop place. We are both dreading the ex turning up drunk, and causing a scene as she has done similar things in the past.



I just don’t know what I can do to try and make things better for the poor wee mites!

PS and to make matters worse, my OH signed the child benefit / TC's over to her for one of the kids, when she got a job, does this give her any extra rights she can enforce when she is drunk / unreasonable / angry?

paulineb_2

I dont think it does give her more rights. My concern would be the kids safety around her more than anything else if shes drinking again. Theres another thread somewhere on the boards about a dad who went through something similar when his ex started drinking again, it might be useful for you to read it.

I dont know what you can do to make things better except be there for them which you are.

dandy-candy

What time is the party on Sunday? I'd be round the exs house first thing and shove her in the shower and tell her to be at that party clean and sober, she can get drunk when she gets home again.
How awful for the kids but they will love her and you shouldn't let them get more upset. I would cover for her (even though she doesn't deserve it) and say they are staying with you longer as she has extra work etc. they're too you to have the truth laid on them.

19lottie82

paulineb wrote: »

I dont think it does give her more rights. My concern would be the kids safety around her more than anything else if shes drinking again. Theres another thread somewhere on the boards about a dad who went through something similar when his ex started drinking again, it might be useful for you to read it.

I dont know what you can do to make things better except be there for them which you are.

Thanks PB, don't worry there is NO WAY my OH will let her anywhere near the kids if she has been drinking.

19lottie82

dandy-candy wrote: »

What time is the party on Sunday? I'd be round the exs house first thing and shove her in the shower and tell her to be at that party clean and sober, she can get drunk when she gets home again.
How awful for the kids but they will love her and you shouldn't let them get more upset. I would cover for her (even though she doesn't deserve it) and say they are staying with you longer as she has extra work etc. they're too you to have the truth laid on them.

DC, that isn't really an option, as when she drinks she really drinks, and by that point she will have been drinking day and night for 6 days........ a cold shower and a cup of coffee won't do the trick I'm afraid.

They know that their mother is drinking, they have had it around them their whole lives, apart from the past 2 years where things have been OK. Plus, I understand what you are saying but my OH doesn't like lying to them..... He uses the term "she's not well", but they know what he means.

paulineb_2

I wouldnt cover for her. I think if she does turn up drunk and makes a scene you do what you would do if it were anyone else and you get her removed from the place and if you need to get police to do that then so be it.

Id contact Al a teen and see if theres any support the kids can be given.
And take things very much on a day by day basis, thats all you can do.

19lottie82

Thanks, I know you're right I just do not want her turning up and showing up the LO in front of all her school friends.

I "think" the kids get taken into the workshop part in the back of the building where the adults (most likely only me and my OH, maybe his grown up nephew) sit in the coffee shop part which is linked to the front door.

I might call them today and see if they can move the start time forward by half an hour, that way if she does show up, at least the kids will be in the back.

I'm just hoping this is a temporary blip and she can get back on the right track again / not lose her job and then most likely her new house.............

As my OH says, she is a totally nasty piece of work and we wouldn't care if she drank herself to death, if it wasn't for the girls, all we want is for them to be happy and have a healthy and productive relationship with their mother.