My brother has taken our parents money!!

rose28454

I would appreciate some input on a problem we are having in our family. I am one of 5 children and we are all now in our 40's and 50's. My oldest brother started a business and persuaded our Dad to invest a large portion of his savings in it. Dad was made a director but did not draw an income. The business went quite well and after a few years Dad Brother and another relation opened a new business and invested a small amount each to start it. Anyway second business expanded rapidly and first business went bust ( mainly due to Brother spending vastly more than the business was earning). Then brother wanted to move house and took a bridging loan. Then the Bank said he could not have any more money for the business until first house was sold. The buyers for this fell through and two of my sisters, brother in law and other brother were persuaded to buy my Brother's forst house so he could expand the business. They bought at the top of the market ( late 80's) ans stupidly did not haggle on the price and the house was repossesed a couple of years later because they could not afford the large mortgage.
The business went on and then needed more money so oldest sister (who lives abroad ) was persuaded to lend my brother another £10000 to prop it up. Then within a year Dad was asked to take up £40000 on his mortgage to keep the business afloat. He was by then in his 70's and the family solicitor advised against it but he went ahead because he trusted brother. However even though he had injected this money ( due to brother not being able to borrow against his own property-dont quite know why!) into the business he was persuaded that there was no money to pay him even though my brother and the other director were being paid. This led to arrears on their original mortgage and brother persuaded Mum and Dad to let him re-negotiate their original mortgage to clear the arrears.
Second business then went bust and brother then had Dad's final bit of money to buy the business back from the receivers and continue it in another name. He did this by saying he would take younger brother into business to help him run it. However he took the money, sacked younger brother after couple of months and spent half the money paying off personal debts!!
Dad was by now getting old any worried about paying £450 per month mortgage so brother persuaded all of us to pay the mortgage between us instead. This has gone on for 5 years and brother now has a property business and is supposedly doing well and boasts of having a £800000 house and has two flash cars and multiple holidays every year. We are from an Italian/Irish family and we have all been told by our parents that we cant say anything every time we voiced our concerns about this situation. However a month ago a neighbour told me that a person whose son is going out with my brother's daughter said that she had been told that brother has had to support me and my younger sister by giving me money to save my house and giving my sister money to start her own business. This is completely untrue and we were very annoyed at these lies. We stoke to our parents who as usual said we could not say anthing. Then Mum and Dad went to our sister's abroad for a long holiday so my sister confronted brother about the lies and the fact that Mum and Dad can't move to a bungalow as the mortgage is £64000 ( original mortgage interest only £20000 outstanding with 34 years left!!, £44000 second mortgage repayment 24 years outstanding!!) and nobody would give them a mortgage now as they are in their 80's. He ran off home and later called my sister and threatened to strangle her if she talked to Mum and Dad about this whilst they were away. She was very upset and our younger brother saw him a few days later and confronted him again and he denied the lies and ran off again. I then decided to write to him and I expressed my concerns about the mortgage and why he though it was ok to leave our parents in this situation. I suggested that maybe as he is doing well now that he consider paying them back so that maybe they can move. Mum cant walk well and Dad is going blind. I also said that I found it incredible that he though it was ok to leave Mum and Dad in this financial situation with a massive mortgage at their ages which will never be paid off. He did not respond as I have not really spoken to him for 5 years, as I refused to pay the mortgage because I could not afford to , but it has touched a nerve because he has been moaning to our parents about the three of us who confronted him.
Now Mum and Dad say that we are all to stop fighting and my sister and I have said we will just support our parents and do what we can. What can we do now to protect them from now on and to ensure they live out their final years in piece.

rose28454

Toots wrote: »

What a nightmare! It sounds like your Dad had a lot of faith in your brother and has been a very supportive parent but it does sound like he has thrown good money after bad. In fact it sounds like everyone has been very supportive of your brother's business interests and that his subsequent behaviour shows he didn't deserve such support.

Did your parents just give your brother the money or did they come to any sort of arrangement for your brother to repay them any money?

Who is paying your parent's mortgage now? I was just wondering if your parents might qualify for any benefits that would contribute towards the
mortgage?

Thanks for your reply. My parents just gave him the money and although there was not an arrangement to repay I think they presumed he would when he could. The mortgage is being paid by my brothers and sister and although I cant pay because I have severe financial problems of my own I help by taking my Mum shopping and doing other things for them. That is a good idea about the mortgage and I will look into it. Thanks again

rose28454

Toots wrote: »

Not a nice subject I know but have your parents made wills? It seems to me like your brother has already had more than his fair share from your parents so it would be a good idea (I know it's up to them) to make sure that he doesn't further benefit from their property later on.

They have said they have made their wills and originally they were going to leave Dad's share of the business's to the two brothers and the house to us three girls. However I beleive they have changed it so we all get 1 fifth of the house and whatever else is left. My two sisters and the other brother all think he should not get any more but our parents think it would be unfair to leave him nothing. They seem to forget what he has had already. My husband's parents sold us our house for a cheap price some years ago (after offering it to my husband's brother) and made their wills in favour of his brother with my OH getting less. However his brother borrowed about £13000 from his parents over the years and when he got £25000 from an accident my father in law asked for it back but my brother in law would only give him £1000. Therefore I think they have changed their wills back to give a 50/50 share. However we will see.
So you see it seems to happen in a lot of families. Our parents are aware of the confrontations we have had with our brother about this and now are crying and saying we must all make piece. I do not intend to do this and neither do my younger brother and sister. My brother even called my mother the other night and had a go at her because of one the comments I made in the letter ( when he told my Mum and Dad he was protecting his wife's inheritance by helping her parents to move nearer them!!) because he said she should have not told me that. He seems oblivious to the damage he has done them and they seem to be in denial.
The other thing that has occured to us is what will happen if one of them dies because the remaining one will not have enough to live on.
All in all it is a very sad situation and I personally do not intend to let things continue like this. I will try to talk to them about the wills tonight. Thanks for your input

SSB

Hi
What a sad situation and I can understand how frustrating it must be for you. Unfortunately, if your parents are deemed capable of managing their own affairs ( no one else has the power of attorney), there is nothing anyone can do.

I wish you all the best whilst trying to sort out this incredibly difficult situation.

[Deleted User]

deleted. I made an insensitive posting. Sorry

liney

The Op is upset that her brother has blatently ripped off her parents.

Persons of a certain age often are embarassed to admit they have been taken for a ride, especially by their own kin. However, i do agree that as they are of sound mind i don't this there is any come back on the brother, unfortunately.

Comparing those two posts is comparing apples and oranges though, and abit unkind.

[Deleted User]

Ok they aren`t the same situations, I agree and it does look as though the brother has been ripping off the parents. They need to get a system in place that will protect the remaining assets

other post deleted as I was too insensitive

quill_2

Toots wrote: »

I must admit I'd sooner parents enjoyed the money they have and lived their lives to the fullest rather than inherit money from them.

Yes that's how I feel. It must be awful for them.
I would go as far as being nice to brother to stop him from whining to his parents.What a hard thing to do.

D_e_n_i_s_e

typical - dad spoiling son rotten

a stick, cane or a slipper at a young age would have sorted him out

my kids - i dont give them anything,

from the begiining iv told them that if they are ever stuck for shelter they can kip out at mine for the weekend (and thats if im nice) and if im extra nice il feed them over the weekend.

my eldest who is 22 has no car, creditcard or debt - should he decide to take them up me and the hubby will batter him!

at the moment he is studying (at our expense) and working part time.

his part time wage over the weekend is £140 it gets paid into MY bank account, out of this i give him £40 for his weekly expenses.

the £100 wage of his that i keep at the end the month goes towards the mortgage on the second house (which is also under rent) which we have bought under my name.

Iv told my son that he will get the house once he is married (which he plans to next summer) - and that get the house means he will still pay me rent with his wife once they have moved in.

*and that even after moving in, the house will still be mine and his dads and they will be 'tennants for ten years' this is to protect him if his wife turns out to be 'money grabbing' and if she decides to dump my son she doesnt have a claim to my family (me, my hubby and sons) hard earned dosh. hopefully after ten years though of being 'tennents', settled with family, with steady job il be able to hand the house over to my son.

*iv made out a will that the assets will be son's should me and the hubby die early.

rose28454

quill wrote: »

It seems so many families go through this sort of thing....ie parents not believing what a sibling is really like. It is so unfair for the other siblings both emotionally and financially.

This is not what you want to hear. If the remaining siblings really love their parents, it might be best to forget the unfairness and let them believe that all's well between their children. As long as they can have a financially comfortable life for the rest of their years.
Changing their wills would emotionally be a hard for them to do.
Hopefully your brother will get his comeupance in other ways.

We really love our parents and and want them to be happy and comfortable in their old age which is why this disruption has occured. We want to find them a nice comfortable bungalow but because of the mortgage they can't move They went on holiday recently and my sister and I went to clear some rooms for them and my brother came storning in to measure up their kitchen because he has decreed that they need a new kitchen which all of us had to pay for ( they dont! ) just like he decreed that we all pay the mortgage. For once we decided we were sick of him and his tactics and my sister told him that he should be ashamed of letting our parents live like this.
The other thing is that in November the fixed rate their mortgage is on will end and the mortgage payments will go up. I dont know what will happen then as my sister has already said she will not pay anymore. A couple of years ago I looked into changing the mortgage to repayment and shortening the term because the mortgage is on such a long term and in part interest only. However my brother persuaded them to take a 2 year fix to keep the payments down. The problem is they cant see what he has done or just wont admit it. Anyone who thinks leaving his parents with a £64000 mortgage in their eighties muist have no morals.
The one good thing is because my Dad is Italian is all about having a son to carry on your name and fortunatley I am the only one of his children to have a son and I know my brother really wanted one. So even though he has his grand house and swanky lifestyle I have the one thing he wants- a son!
Sorry to be smug but it is true. I will let you all know what happens and thanks for all your input

seven-day-weekend

I think there are two important things here.

One is to make sure your parents are financially secure in their old age. Unfortunately, in their circumstances, this may mean continuing to pay the mortgage for them.

The other is to all pretend to be good friends if it upsets them to think otherwise. It obviously means a lot to them that their family are not arguing and falling out.

They will not admit (or maybe don't even see) that their son has done anything wrong and I think at their age it is up to all the family to make their last days as comfortable as possible.

I know your brother has fleeced them. But they need a bit of piece and quiet now. Maybe you can all sort your brother out once your parents have died.

I wish you well and hope you can sort something out for you all.