Changing Children's surnames

tattycath

lika_86 wrote: »

Capable, yes, but there seems to be a standard assumption that children will have the name of the parent. Someone I work with is Spanish and so has a different name from her children, when she rings the doctor etc for n appointment she always has to explain that while her surname is X, her children don't share that and is Y.

Equally, my mum works in an after school club and has dealt with parents where their surname is say Smith and the initial assumption is that they are the mother of Junior Smith when in actual fact they are the mother of Junior Jones.

I just don't understand the male pride that seems to be associated with having children who have their surname.

My children don't share my surname and I have never had any problems with doctors, schools, after school clubs etc etc.
I don't really think it's a male pride thing either, if a couple have children together and the child/children are given the same surname as the father, I don't see why it should change when couples split up IMHO.

marisco_2

Your ex would need your permission to change the children's surname. Your thread has taken me back. A little while after my ex and I split up I remember us taking a drive out one day. He asked me what the boys were called, I laughed and reminded him of the forenames we had given them, then ribbed him saying it wasn't that long since he had seen them. He looked at me kind of relieved and asked had I not changed their surnames to my maiden name. I told him that I hadn't and it hadn't even crossed my mind to do so. As far as I was concerned that was the name they were given at birth for life and it would remain. It is part of who they are, their identity, and that doesn't change just because my marriage fell apart. Having a different surname to myself doesn't make them any less mine.

I hope this can be a joint decision for you both and one which you ultimately feel happy about.

FBaby

Capable, yes, but there seems to be a standard assumption that children will have the name of the parent.

Not in my world. My kids have their dad's name, so different to me and that has never caused any problems. It is the same for a number of their school friends. No one bats an eye lid so to whether children's surname is their mum or dad. I have understandbly been called Mrs X at times, that's ok, no big deal.

Travelling with them, taking them for appointments, or anything else has never been an issue because they have a different surname to me. What I have done though is put my name as 'known as' on their passport to avoid the issue of proving I am their mother.

The children should retain the surname they've always known imo.

Totally agree. My mum changed my name from my dad's to hers when I was 6 and I hated it. It felt like my personality had been stripped, my name didn't feel like 'me' any longer. I got used to it, but the moment I turned 18, I took my official (dad's) name back. Nothing to do with how I felt about either parent, just that it was the name I always considered to be mine.

fluffnutter

Heffi1 wrote: »

If you are listed on the birth certificate as father then I would imagine that the children would take your surname.

Children can be given any name their parents like. It might be the mother's, the father's, a combination of both or something entirely different. Just because a man is on the birth certificate doesn't mean that the children take his name. It's not automatic.

fluffnutter

lika_86 wrote: »

Capable, yes, but there seems to be a standard assumption that children will have the name of the parent. Someone I work with is Spanish and so has a different name from her children, when she rings the doctor etc for n appointment she always has to explain that while her surname is X, her children don't share that and is Y.

She's clearly registered with an unenlightened practice then. You don't give your name at all when you book at appt on behalf of your children - you just give theirs so I fail to see how it's even relevant what she's called.

Seeing as approximately 50% of children are born to unmarried parents I'd say that about half of kids out there don't share the same name as at least one of their parents.

pinkshoes

lika_86 wrote: »

Who is going to be the primary caregiver? If it's her, why would you be against the idea?

Assuming she is to be the primary caregiver, don't you think it would be easier for her when taking them to the doctor's, school or clubs etc that she has the same name as them?

All three of them already have the same surname.

It seems pointless to change it given it would only be of benefit to the mother.

The kids are 4 and 6 years old so a name change is unfair and pointless.

fluffnutter

lika_86 wrote: »

Assuming she is to be the primary caregiver, don't you think it would be easier for her when taking them to the doctor's, school or clubs etc that she has the same name as them?

I'm probably labouring the point a bit now but it doesn't matter! A married mum and dad with two children all neatly sharing a family name is a minority. Kids live with unmarried parents, with married parents who don't share a name, with divorced parents, with step-parents, with other family members, with same sex parents, with three parents.

About half of kids don't share their mother's surname. No one cares! Schools, GPs, clubs etc. are perfectly able to function without exploding in a frenzy of confused admin and familial uncertainty.

FBaby

Also, what happens if she gets married one day? Will she changes the kids name again, keep her own name, or expect new husband to change his name to hers?

System

The bottom line is that all with parental responsibility have to agree to the name change.
If there is disagreement then it will have to go to court and they decide taking into account the child's best interest. Unless there are very good reasons the court will probably refuse.

That's the legal standpoint, what happens in reality may well be different.
Telling everybody that Peter Jones is to be known as Peter Smith is still a name change that needs everybody's approval even if no deed poll is done. If done without a deed poll or some sort of formal documentation then this opens up a can of worms for the child in later life as there is no evidence of a formal name change should he/she attempt to get a passport in the new name for example

peachyprice

lika_86 wrote: »

I work with is Spanish and so has a different name from her children, when she rings the doctor etc for n appointment she always has to explain that while her surname is X, her children don't share that and is Y.

No, she doesn't have to expalin anything. All she has to do is phone up and say I would like an appointment for my child, and give the child's name. It really isn't rocket science.