What to do after partner of 13 years walked out

Dunroamin

clearingout wrote: »

She needs to sort out her financial situation as soon as possible which includes contacting Tax Credits (have his name and income removed from the claim), the local council (for a reduction in her council tax for there being only one adult in the household and to have him removed from the bill) and the Job Centre to make an application for JSA (she is under no obligation to do this, however...if she can't face the idea of working at the moment, it will mean the loss of £71 a week but she won't have to be complying with stringent requirements of job seeking whilst she's struggling...on the other hand, having something to do such as job seeking might be a very useful distraction and stop her wallowing...much will depend on her personality). There is a government scheme to help with the payment of mortgages which she could look into to have up her sleeve should her ex decide not to pay.

To claim the benefits she is entitled to, she will need to be acting as a single person and be seen to be acting as a single person. He therefore needs removing from all utility bills - gas, electric, water, phone, broadband etc. She needs to close or at least freeze any joint bank and/or building society accounts they may have. She will need to ask him to re-direct his mail and to deal with things such as his car registration details with the DVLA - she can't control whether or not he actually does this but I have seen situations where single mums are investigated for benefit fraud because their ex still has a connection to their home so at least keep texts, e-mails and copies of any letters she may send him trying to get him to remove himself from being officially resident at their home. This also means, unfortunately, that him taking her to the supermarket is, potentially, problematic because it suggests sustained partnership - if she is genuinely isolated, then Internet shopping might help overcome this and if she does need his help (and I would recommend she tries very hard to see herself as single and removes him from her everyday life as much as she can) then I would recommend discussing it with the Job Centre/DWP to avoid any accusations of benefit fraud in the future.

He will be liable to pay 15% of his take home pay as child maintenance and there is the CSA to help with that if he becomes difficult. I would recommend avoiding it if she possibly can - there are calculators available online so she can work out what he should be paying as a minimum .

Finally, when she's ready, she should get herself clued up on what might happen with the house. Legal advice might be necessary at some point but I wouldn't make it at priority at the moment - as long as he's being decent about things, she should focus on coming to germs with things and getting her life back together as best she can. Tell her she'll survive - because we all do - and to seek support online if she needs it. Wikivorce.com is a great starting point to 'meet' people going through the same thing and was a lifeline for me personally when my ex walked out. Having a friend you can rely on not to glaze over and yawn when she feels the need to go over and over the finer detail of the relationship and how she's feeling is possibly some of the best support you can give. That, and getting yourself up to speed (as you're doing here) with things she may struggle to cope with at the moment. It can be a long road but there is life at the end of it and I know that my life is a lot better today than it was with my ex.

Except that would mean that she didn't have any money to live on herself, given that any maintenance from her ex and child tax credits are intended to support the children.

ALI1973

I believe as an unmarried couple they are regarded in law as two separate people, therefore any shared property would be divided 50/50 (if married the equation might have been more toward the SAHM as each person has a claim on the other iyswim?), this would include debts as well as assets (eg. if he has 20K in savings in his name then they remain just his - unlike if married they would still be classed as a joint asset).

Has she got access to funds for the immediate future (for food etc?)

As has been advised, she will need to arrange maintenance for the child, either agreed from him or through CSA. At some point in the very near future she will have to seek employment and claim any necessary benefits. As she cannot drive, does she want to move somewhere closer to good transport links, family/friends etc?, although the EX is currently saying he will pay up, experience says he won't, so she will need to consider her options. Would there be enough equity in the property for her to buy a new property without a mortgage? or would she need to rent?

I know she will be all over the place at the moment but the sooner she can get the fundamentals straight the easier it will be for her.

Lequirk_2

What to do? Change the locks ASAP. He has moved out. He should arrange with you when he visits to see your child/picks your child up for visits.

Then visit a solicitor as soon as you can and make it all more formal.

Laurajo_2

Lequirk wrote: »

What to do? Change the locks ASAP. He has moved out. He should arrange with you when he visits to see your child/picks your child up for visits.

Then visit a solicitor as soon as you can and make it all more formal.

Moot point - as it stands he owns half the house so, unless she gets an order to say otherwise, he can come and go as he pleases.

spacey2012

I am amazed no Charity exists that covers such an awful event.
They could help with benefit forms, essential bills, child care, all the sorts of things someone drop in the lurch needs urgent help with.

Laurajo_2

It's not easy at all coping with all the financial side of things when something like this has occurred, however her first priorities need to be to ensure that she has enough money to live on and a roof over hers and her sons head.

At the minute, her ex will be feeling guilty about leaving and wanting to make it easy as possible, however this won't last forever and, when he realises that he cannot (presumably) afford to support two households and reality kicks in, he will find it a heck of a lot easier to say no to his ex than his current squeeze, so she needs to prepare herself to be in a position so that she is not reliant on oh given her more than 15 percent of his net pay (which I believe is the current amount of CSA for one child - someone pipe up if I've got this wrong).

DigForVictory

Round up every penny in the house - as that's all the present cash she's definitely got.
Book an appointment with a family solicitor asap.
Get reading at Wikivorce.com.

Find one item (ideally of solely sentimental value) and trash it, yutterly, viciously, completely. (Away from child.) Then wash face & hands & move on.

Mojisola

ALI1973 wrote: »

I believe as an unmarried couple they are regarded in law as two separate people, therefore any shared property would be divided 50/50

This would be the case if there wasn't a child.

Until the child reaches 18, the priority is the child and the father may have to wait until then to get any capital from the house.

DS4215

If she is so isolated where she is, it might be best to sell the house and use the proceeds to rent somewhere in town. This would give her more options for work/school/shopping without having to struggle on scarce public transport...