Over-extravagant Christmas present akwardness

alarafan

We have lovely neighbours. We live in a flat with our son (in a rather run down area but it is what we can afford). The upstairs neighbours have two children a similar age who go to the same school as our son. The mother is a stay-at-home mum. Every Monday they collect my son from school and then all the children go for swimming lessons and have supper at their house and I collect pick him up after work around 7pm. I pay for the three children to have the council swimming lessons in exchange for the childcare and meal. It is very difficult to find a childminder who will take a child to after school activities. (He goes to a before school club in the morning and a childminder after school the other days)

They have also been helpful in other ways, for example one day my car broke down in the morning and the mother took all the children to school and then dropped me off at my job so that I would not be too late for work. it is a 20 minute drive but by bus over an hour. Our child is an only child and is often at their house to play. We are rather reserved and it is no easy for us to socialise with people so it is mainly the children who talk we don't hang out at their house etc. We do say thank you obviously.

Their children both like reading, but the flats do not have much room for bookshelves. Anyway for Christmas we bought them two nook e-readers - one for each child total about £120. (our son already has one). we have been away for Christmas but have and got back today and they are now away. They have not said anything about the gift -they know it was from us. I'm now thinking it may have been over the top and they are awkward about it. Not sure what to do. What do you all think of the whole situation.

claire16c

Could it not just be that they're waiting to get back to see you in person to say thanks?

lika_86

If I were them I think I'd be concerned I was expected to reciprocate, an unexpected £120 gift from someone who isn't family is a bit much (especially in a not necessarily well-to-do area).

I think it may be best to explain that you wanted to thank them for the generosities that they have offered you and thought that as your son likes his e-reader so much that this might be a nice way to pay them back but that if it's a problem, you can return them (they may not have been able to afford to give their sons extravagent gifts and so may be a little weird if there are 'better' gifts from their friend's mum).

whitewing

I think you have been very kind.


I used to have a colleague's dog when they were away for the weekend. They dropped him off and provided everything for him. I would have done it for nothing, I had a young son and was restricted anyway. They always bought me presents which were really generous. I didn't need anything that much but they compared it to the cost of putting him in kennels.


I don't think you needed to spend so much but you could maybe say that next time you'll buy vouchers for the ebook or something.


I wouldn't be too concerned right now about the lack of thank you. I haven't got around to thank you letters yet with my children - it doesn't mean we're not grateful. (Presumably you handed the presents over so you definitely know they got them).

u_r

id see dem(dismissing any above thoughts) nad just ask upfront to the kids something on the lines of; oh what books have you read so far?
or even say;do you think they are useful?was so difficult deciding what you would like?
if they have anything on their minds..that will give them an opprtunity to say something.

bluebeary

i think its great you both have great neighbours, you and your neighbours, i dont think it was over the top, it was a great idea which they can contribute to themselves by buying ebooks, free or otherwise for their children

overtop and awkward would be a tablet or top of the range kindle, but yours was fine, well done for being such a brilliant neighbour

balletshoes

Honestly yes i do think its an over~extravagant present to buy your neighbours children. i,d be embarrassed as a neighbour parent in this situation. i,d certainly at the very least want to thank you in person for such gifts.
Good neighbours help each other out ~ you are both already good neighbours to each other, no~one needs to buy each other expensive stuff to show it.

bigmomma051204

I think it would have been okay if you had explained to the parents why u had gotten them such extravagent pressies.

As it is, they MAY feel a bit awkward. Or as someone else said, they are waiting to thank you in person.

Personally, I would feel a bit uncomfortable and bad that I hadn't bought your child such a posh gift!!

bestpud

I'd feel a bit awkward to be honest and I'd probably wait to see you in person so I could say it was very generous and unexpected.

Paying for the swimming lessons is generous so I'm not sure why you feel indebted to them and they possibly don't either.

I'd wait and play it by ear and then let us know because I'm feeling nosy now!

alarafan

Thanks for the answers. We will wait to speak to them in person. We had included a card which said something like -we just wanted to thank you for all your kindness'. They can get hundreds (thousands, millions?) of free books.

Doing the maths, even with paying for the lessons, we pay much less for childcare on Mondays than other days and over a year it is more than £120.

savingmummy

As you`ve been away and now they are too i`m sure you`ll get a thank you once you see each other again!
I think it is very kind of you, and it was what you wanted to get them so no need to feel awkward.
I`m sure both children love their gifts from you - thats the main thing.