Getting Nervous Around OH's Family

lufcgirl

Hello!

I know it shouldn't even be turning into the issue that it is at the moment. I've been dating OH for nearly six months and spend an awful lot of time at her parents where she lives. At first I was ok-ish around them, I could maintain a conversation with them and her sister.

Now though, I'm actually frozen and can't think of anything to say at all, it's as if my mind goes blank! I find myself on my phone and look a complete idiot. This morning her sister came in her room, and instead of me asking if she'd had a good Christmas (as she wasn't at home last night) I stayed silent and words wouldn't come out at all! I felt so ignorant but I have no idea where this is coming from. Her Mum I was fine with yesterday evening, so I can do it, just not all the time!
It's the same around the rest of her family, I get invited to birthdays and dinners and just sit next to OH not saying a word except to her or her sister sometimes.

In normal life, at home, with my friends, even when I started my new job recently I've been fine approaching people and making conversation, it's just the OH's family and I have no idea what my problem is!

Anyone got any tips for overcoming this unbearable shyness around them? It's driving me (and OH) mental!

bagpussbear

Are you finding you are spending a bit too much time with her family, and that might be why you are clamming up as can't think of fresh things to say?

I prefer social situations to be in short bouts to be honest, I am friendly and have no problem socialising but if it's too long than I feel comfortable for, I tend to go a bit quiet (people ask me if I am feeling tired, lol!)

Alikay

I seem to remember you posting a few weeks ago about not getting on with your OH's family, so isn't this just a continuation of that thread, really?

lufcgirl

Alikay wrote: »

I seem to remember you posting a few weeks ago about not getting on with your OH's family, so isn't this just a continuation of that thread, really?

Her cousin who I don't have much to do with. If the thread offends you in any form I can always try and have the two amalgamated?

lufcgirl

bagpussbear wrote: »

Are you finding you are spending a bit too much time with her family, and that might be why you are clamming up as can't think of fresh things to say?

I prefer social situations to be in short bouts to be honest, I am friendly and have no problem socialising but if it's too long than I feel comfortable for, I tend to go a bit quiet (people ask me if I am feeling tired, lol!)

Indeed! I do try and say this could be the reason as to why I clam up and can't think of anything however it's apparently not an acceptable reason. Same here, it's always the questions when I'm out of earshot as to if I'm alright and if I actually like them. Which I do!

Alikay

lufcgirl wrote: »

Her cousin who I don't have much to do with. If the thread offends you in any form I can always try and have the two amalgamated?

Nope, I'm not so sensitive that this sort of thing could possibly offend me. I just thought your relationship with your OH's family had been extensively discussed on this forum, that's all.

Georgiegirl256

Alikay wrote: »

Nope, I'm not so sensitive that this sort of thing could possibly offend me. I just thought your relationship with your OH's family had been extensively discussed on this forum, that's all.

They are two totally different threads in my opinion. The other one was about a dislike of a particular family member.

OP, do you get on ok with her parents?

lufcgirl

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

They are two totally different threads in my opinion. The other one was about a dislike of a particular family member.

OP, do you get on ok with her parents?

I do, they've never had anything bad to say about me, the same as I haven't about them. I struggle to talk to them and get nervous, maybe because I'm so terrified of saying the wrong thing I just stay quiet instead of speaking! Which in turn makes me look ignorant.

Sethisis

I understand this one quite well, I often can't think of any sentences which would be considered interesting so end up being quiet, which leaves people thinking I'm rude and stand offish.

One (slightly pathetic) way to get around it is to compile lists of recent events and possible conversation topics, then either try to remember them or set them as a note on your phone. Then you can check your phone as if you've just had a text, pick a topic and bring it up.

It's a lot of hassle, and I hope you manage to get over it in a more normal way!

Heffi1

How about printing this thread off and showing them, it would help explain to them that you are a bit shy, but like them, maybe they could back off a little to give you some room.

I get a bit tongue tied when I feel I should be talking which means I talk a load of rubbish, stumble on some of my words and generally feel like a bit of a prat, so tend to be quiet, whereas if I am comfortable I can talk for England.

There is nothing worse than feeling like you are on show all the time.

paulineb_2

bagpussbear wrote: »

Are you finding you are spending a bit too much time with her family, and that might be why you are clamming up as can't think of fresh things to say?

I prefer social situations to be in short bouts to be honest, I am friendly and have no problem socialising but if it's too long than I feel comfortable for, I tend to go a bit quiet (people ask me if I am feeling tired, lol!)

I think this is a fair point.