Women,the key to happiness is compliance !

Pssst

Do you feel like surrendering?

http://www.surrenderedwife.com/

daphne_descends

Enlightened am I!

sarymclary

Pssst wrote: »

Do you feel like surrendering?

http://www.surrenderedwife.com/

Been there, done that; ended up with horrendous debts, £40k disappeared from the bank a/cs, and lost the family home in the process by 'surrendering unnecessary control' to my husband.

If the man in your life needs someone to be surrendered, or submissive, then I would suggest they can go pay for it by the hour!

Men and women are equals in any relationship, so that goes for responsibility and accountability. Placing too much of either on one person's shoulders could be a recipie for disaster; it was in my case because ultimately the control my husband needed and contrived to obtain was too much of a burden, and he died as a direct result of his coping mechanism.

I've seen the lady in the website interviewed on Richard & Judy last year, and I believe her system of surrendering would only end up encouraging a passive/aggressive relationship. It's like the anecdotes where women say 'well, I planted the seed of an idea in his head about taking a holiday to Florida/getting a conservatory/choosing the people carrier, and then he decided it was his idea all along - I got my own way in the end anyway'.

Personally, I think it would only work for those women who were more than happy to have no responsibility for the decisions that may affect their lives in the future, and I am sure there are some out there for whom that might sound like a great idea.

Unless you have lived a life where your every action and want is controlled, the reality of such a thing couldn't possibly be believed by the uninitiated.

conradmum

Give up unnecessary control and responsibility
Express their needs while also respecting their husband's choices
Resist the temptation to criticize, belittle or dismiss their husbands
Trust their husbands in every aspect of marriage - from sexual to financial...and more.

BOTH partners should do nos. 1, 2, & 3. She doesn't explain WHY women should do no 4. It implies that either men are better at making these decisions than women or that they're so insecure they can't bear to be challenged. So no matter how bad your husband is at sex, paying the bills etc. you should just put up with it for the sake of the 'romance' in your marriage? Endure a lifetime of bad sex and insurmountable debt for the sake of 'romance'?
I pity the woman who's married to someone who needs her to be subservient to him.

bestpud

Oh my word!!! Is she for real?

I'd find it funny if I didn't think she is being serious!!!

SeptemberBaby_2

There was a programme on this a few months ago....anyone see it? Even my DH was appauled at some of the men (and women's) attidtudes! :rotfl:

Gingham_Ribbon

There is some credibility in some of what she says. We should not seek to control, change or belittle our partners. The more you try to force someone to do things your way the more unsatisfactory it is when they do them. (Who really wants flowers when you know they've been given because you've nagged for them?!) And it's fair enough to address it to women since that's her audience. It doesn't sound like she's saying men should do these things any more than women should.

However the idea that women should sit back and give husbands the control of everything with absolute trust is ridiculous and dangerous. Some couples will be very happy with that situation, some will be happy for the woman to have that control. The rest of us will get by happily with discussion, stating our opinions and desires, asking why and how and generally behaving like a team.

I really pity women who cannot be vocal about what they want and need. I find the 'planting the seed and letting them think it was their idea' interesting but ultimately flawed if carried out because she cannot do it any other way. It's one thing to give control to your partner on some matters. It's another to expect them to control everything without input from you except manipulation tactics.

hev_2

Hi

Taking a risk in what is bound to be a hectic thread!

The dynamic of every relationship is different. Some couples need different things from others. I am sure that we have all looked at a couple who seemed completely off the wall and wondered how they managed to stay together.

IMO, in a long term relationship, being nice to your husband is better at keeping him happy than a boob job. There are arguments that society is becoming feminised, that the skills needed to succeed are more feminine and that men feel disenfranchised. I can't help feeling that for some men (not all - my DH is lovely) this is an excuse to behave badly and that it also lumps individuals into two groups. People, at the end of the day, are individuals and have different needs. You should still be nice to your partner.

It makes sense that if one person has a stronger ability to do something then in the partnership they should have the main (but not sole) responsibility for it, whether financial matters or ironing (I do both!). That does not mean that the other in the partnership should not have at least a clue about what is going on or should not be involved in important decisions. I do not keep info from DH, and I certainly try and run everything for joint benefit. I will also sometimes ask him to help make decisions if I feel overwhelmed - we both will have to suffer from the decision, we both have to commit to it.

Is it about submission or is it being so lazy that you cannot be bothered to take responsibility for your life? When all is said and done, you have to take responsibility for what has happened, even if it is taking the responsibility for allowing someone else to make all the decisions for you. I am not criticising sarymclary, as I do not know full story. Sometimes people get trapped in ways of thinking within relationships and it builds and builds (there is probably a technical way of putting it!). People can get trapped in abusive relationships or lied to by control freaks. However, I am sure we have all seen people who have dumped the responsibility for their lives on someone else and then blamed everyone but themselves when things have gone wrong.

This submissive thing, well, I am sure it has some things going for it, if it is kept in the bedroom

Hev

hev_2

ts_aly2000 wrote: »

Yes, this is quite right. My hubby surrendered years ago.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Zazen999

mine surrenders regularly, twice a week when it has been raining, once a week in fine weather [then we do gardening]

do_it_today!

ohhhhhhhhhhh plurleaaaaaaaaaassse!!!!! I have sort of surrendered this week - as I have been stressed out running around doing stuff...
and the results are....
the fridge is empty
the dog still has no ear drops
the house isnt clean
washing is hanging everywhere
the milkman hasnt been paid
company called chasing a bill payment
..... its not working really...
I dont even want to think about what the end result would be if he was managing all the finances