When you've broken up with someone - seeing them again

Indie_Kid

Broke up with someone a few weeks ago. It was nothing serious and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go out with him.

I told him I didn't want a relationship and his response was to constantly text me and ask to meet up for lunch. My disabilities make meeting up in public somewhat physically painful and mentally draining.

We haven't seen each other since and he's finally stopped contacting me.

He's at the same running club as I; so I can't ignore him forever.

When I next see him, (no idea when this would be) what do I say or do? No one in the club is aware of what happened with me and him. He wanted me to keep quiet and not tell anyone.

krlyr

I would just be distant but civil. Do you mean he didn't want anyone at the club to know you were together? If so, I doubt he'll be any keener to have them know you were together and then split - so I just wouldn't mention anything, and I doubt he will either.

Indie_Kid

Thanks. Yeah, he didn't want anyone at the club to know we were together. He did say "when you're ready, we'll tell the group". I wasn't happy that he was dictating who I could and couldn't tell, which was one of the reasons for breaking up.

The plan is to be civil. But someone else said that may give him the wrong idea.

krlyr

I think you have an advantage here, you'll be in a group setting and he's the one who didn't want the group to know. He'll probably keep his distant just so the group doesn't find out.

If he tries anything more than a civil hello (and I wouldn't instigate contact - just say hello back to him and move away if possible) you can always raise your voice and say something like "We've ended things now, can we leave it at that?". Is there someone in the group you trust enough to confide in who could then intervene if they see you getting cornered by him?

andydiysaver

it's how we're wired, this generalisation applies to perhaps 9 out of 10 people a go.


women always want to be friends


men either want the relationship back or to move on and not be friends


This is what causes the issue, you can't combine one with the other

DUTR

sh1305 wrote: »

Thanks. Yeah, he didn't want anyone at the club to know we were together. He did say "when you're ready, we'll tell the group". I wasn't happy that he was dictating who I could and couldn't tell, which was one of the reasons for breaking up.

The plan is to be civil. But someone else said that may give him the wrong idea.

Do be just civil, if he has stopped pestering you, then perhaps he has moved on with somebody new.

andydiysaver wrote: »

it's how we're wired, this generalisation applies to perhaps 9 out of 10 people a go.


women always want to be friends


men either want the relationship back or to move on and not be friends


This is what causes the issue, you can't combine one with the other

Very true, I have one opposite geneder friend for 24 years now, over that time we have had our 'magic' moments, but were never an item and we continue to remain friends, a more recent ex (colleague) wants to remain friends, but as the benefits are not there, I don't see the point as we were not friends prior and if all was good we would not have seperated.

Kynthia

Civil and distant is good. It's not friendly so he can't get the wrong idea but it's not rude.

ab.da54

sh1305 wrote: »

My disabilities make meeting up in public somewhat physically painful and mentally draining.



He's at the same running club as I; so I can't ignore him forever.

Is the running club a public place or exclusive to a few regular members?

If it's open to anyone, perhaps spend your time there talking to others so that you are not alone together.

Indie_Kid

ab.da54 wrote: »

Is the running club a public place or exclusive to a few regular members?

If it's open to anyone, perhaps spend your time there talking to others so that you are not alone together.

It's a public place.

Yorkie1

It seems to me as though he's not respecting your views in the slightest.

If he did respect them, he would a) listen to what you said about not wanting to be in a relationship with him; and, in any event, b) would be considerate of the strains which a public meal would place on you.

I agree with the other suggestions about keeping it civil but distant, but if he continues persisting, I'd challenge him about his lack of respect for your wishes and also as krlyr suggested in post #4.

Robisere

Try this:

"Hello, are you still seeing that lady you were friendly with, or is it all over?"

His answer (if any) will tell you what you want to know about him. I am also disabled, and my opinion of the way he has treated you, is that he would be ashamed to be seen with you. There is simply nothing you can do about people like that, they are just pond life IMO.