Christmas Day Present Giving Problem! Please help?

redmandarin

I'd be grateful to know what you wise MSE'ers think about this one!

My partner & I have a very small family so to save us being on our own at Christmas my lovely friend of 25 years has invited us to stay over at Christmas with her and her husband for the second time. She's so kind, lovely, warm & giving and we love her. Two of her other (single) friends are also invited, so there'll be six of us all together.

I spoke to my friend on the 'phone last night & she said they've decided to save everyone the expense of Christmas so we're not buying one another gifts this year and instead we'll all go out for a meal instead in January, because Christmas is about being together with loved ones, not commercialism!!

I agree with her sentiments, but it's only 5 days to Christmas and it's too short notice, we've bought them presents. I've put a lot of thought and time into getting presents I think they'd like and I've been looking forward to giving them.

I still want to give them, it's not about receiving, it's the giving that counts, but if I do it will make them feel bad for not giving us any. I know it probably sounds bad of me but it will feel like an important piece of Christmas will be missing. I don't want to keep the gifts or give them away - I just want it to be a part of the Christmas fun!

One other thing, sadly my friend's partner was diagnosed with serious illness in the summer. He seems to be bearing up well and is behaving normally and he seems quite well except for when he has hospital treatment. Sorry for having to be blunt here, but let's just say that we don't know how much time he'll have left and I want to give him a nice couple of gifts that he'd enjoy as part of a lovely day.

Is it ok to say sorry it's too late, I'd already got presents, I won't get you any next year; and I want you to have them, just this once?!

Thanks in advance.
red

Bayonetta

Why not give them as you are leaving, as a thank you for having you over? I'm sure that'd be appreciated!

PenguinOfDeath

I agree it's a little late to be saying no gifts, I'd still give them but when the other guests aren't around or as you're leaving as suggested above. The effort you went to to get the gifts would be wasted otherwise

redmandarin

Thanks for your replies.

If we'd have been given reasonable notice about this I'd have agreed to it (reluctantly). But I feel it's too late, and I've got presents for everyone else too! Christmas is supposed to be a time for giving

Do you think I'm being selfish because I still want to give the presents I've already bought?

Bayonetta

redmandarin wrote: »

Thanks for your replies.

If we'd have been given reasonable notice about this I'd have agreed to it (reluctantly). But I feel it's too late, and I've got presents for everyone else too! Christmas is supposed to be a time for giving

Do you think I'm being selfish because I still want to give the presents I've already bought?

Not at all, if I'd spent time and money sorting presents I'd want to give them too! It's the giving that counts

bigjoe

redmandarin wrote: »

I'd be grateful to know what you wise MSE'ers think about this one!

My partner & I have a very small family so to save us being on our own at Christmas my lovely friend of 25 years has invited us to stay over at Christmas with her and her husband for the second time. She's so kind, lovely, warm & giving and we love her. Two of her other (single) friends are also invited, so there'll be six of us all together.

I spoke to my friend on the 'phone last night & she said they've decided to save everyone the expense of Christmas so we're not buying one another gifts this year and instead we'll all go out for a meal instead in January, because Christmas is about being together with loved ones, not commercialism!!

Why didn't you bring this up on the phone when you were talking to her? It would have been easy enough to say that you had already bought them something small, but their hospitality was a gift in itself in return.

On the day just say, "I don't expect anything back, but I'd already bought these small gifts for everyone before you said not to bring gifts, so please accept them in the spirit they were bought".

redmandarin

Thanks,

It took me by surprise and I didn't say anything to my friend because I felt awkward and it seemed impolite.

Although she's lovely, she's quite relaxed and is a bit dizzy and not terribly organised (her partner is though and he helps her to be) so she'll probably have been thinking about it for a while and won't have realised that it'd be too late to tell us.

I'm surrounded by presents I need to wrap but I don't know what to do. I keep thinking I shouldn't give the presents, then the next minute I think I should and it'll be ok.

The bottom line is: should I not give the presents which will upset me or should I give them and risk upsetting my friend because they haven't bought us anything?

bigjoe

100% give them.

Jobseeeker

I would say just hand them when you go in (not xmas wrapped), I mean just as a gift for their hospitality. You would be taking like a bottle of wine or something otherwise

Willowpop

Yep, give it as you arrive or leave it when you leave. If you give it as an xmas pressie you may well inadvertently make them feel awkward, especially as you had the no pressie conversation on the phone.

redmandarin

Thank you for your kind replies.

I mostly got the answer I wanted! I'm going to give everyone the gifts when we arrive and get it out of the way. I'll just say sorry, I had already got the presents when I found out about the no gifts thing. I'll also say Christmas is about giving and that they (the hosts) deserve a treat for their kind hospitality!

I was really worried about this, but now I've made a decision, I feel better.

Thanks again, and have a great Christmas!

red