moaning, venting etc

pukkamum

I was just posting about how moaning but not only that, expressing feelings freely without interruption, had helped me and as long as you can handle opposing opinions on here is very therapeutic.

We can be fully open, to a certain point, about anger, jealousy grief, love, fears etc without worrying you are boring someone or labouring a point too much.

Certainly for me that is great.
I do wonder though does this create problems too.

Does the fact we are opening up on here mean we aren't opening up to friends and family enough?

hmmmm
I'm not sure, any thoughts?

whitewing

I find it helps me be more open in real life but also more discreet.


So I can often - but not always - tell someone if they've upset me because I can present it in a calm and rational way. I'm also better at hearing criticism in real life as I can see that differences in opinion are just that.


That said, I am more choosy about what I say and when and to who.

pukkamum

Very interesting whitewing, I think perhaps that is true to acertain extent for me too.
I know I have gained perspective in issues that I couldn't see clearly when I only had dh to rant to, and he is unsurprisingly slightly biased.
As you say even the opposing opinions help by either reinforcing your own opinion by defending it, or making you reconsider.

PasturesNew

Not everybody has friends or family.

Hermia

I think opening up online can be really helpful because you will get a wide range of opinions. Most people have friends and family who are similar to them so it can be very interesting to hear from other people. I definitely find that my friends/family are not very useful sources of advice sometimes because they are quite insular in some ways.

The only people who worry me are the ones who constantly post tales of woe on forums and are always having a crisis. Some of the time I think they are just getting off on the drama and being the centre of attention. I think they would be better off walking away from the computer and actually learning how to deal with life.

justanopinion

I find it very difficult to open up in real life. Heck, I found it hard to open up on here too if I'm being honest! Hence my join date and lack of posts etc. The only person I've been honest with is my Psychologist really. Even then, I still censor as saying how I view myself etc, low esteem seems pathetic.

Sometimes writing things down is cathartic in itself, regardless of the responses, as it allows you to see things more rationally. That said, when I saw all the helpful responses I had I wanted to come back and add to it. People had given me their time, I wanted to return the favour and thank them and add more.

That's how I see friendship really. Talk, they respond, give advice and opinion, you ask about them, return the favour. A one-sided conversation is no fun.

I do talk to people in real life, but they know me personally for a number of years and I don't want to burden them too much with my tales of woe lol. Would like it balanced with gossip

pukkamum

Hermia wrote: »

I think opening up online can be really helpful because you will get a wide range of opinions. Most people have friends and family who are similar to them so it can be very interesting to hear from other people. I definitely find that my friends/family are not very useful sources of advice sometimes because they are quite insular in some ways.

The only people who worry me are the ones who constantly post tales of woe on forums and are always having a crisis. Some of the time I think they are just getting off on the drama and being the centre of attention. I think they would be better off walking away from the computer and actually learning how to deal with life.

I agree with all that but I do know some people have a lot of crisis and dramas in their lives and posting on here is the only opportunity they have to rant etc, as a previous poster said not everyone has friends and families to speak to.

marleyboy

This would be the last place I would open my heart out on a personal level. The kind of place where sharing your feelings involves Chinese whispers spreading like wild fire. :D:D

Hermia

pukkamum wrote: »

I agree with all that but I do know some people have a lot of crisis and dramas in their lives and posting on here is the only opportunity they have to rant etc, as a previous poster said not everyone has friends and families to speak to.

True, but I do think if your life is one big drama fest you need to do something more concrete in real life than just ranting on a forum. There is help available for even very difficult situations (and yes, I do know it's not always easy to get). I do remember reading an interesting psychology study which came to the conclusion that constantly talking about your problems with others could do more harm than good. They found that women who constantly talk about their problems with friends were actually less likely to do something about them. Talking about the problem temporarily made them feel better so they were less inclined to make changes. People who did not have that outlet felt worse and were therefore more likely to do something about it.

pukkamum

marleyboy wrote: »

This would be the last place I would open my heart out on a personal level. The kind of place where sharing your feelings involves Chinese whispers spreading like wild fire. :D:D

Oh yes I totally get that and I know a lot of people don't.
Can I ask your reasons?
Not being argumentative would be really interesting to know.

pukkamum

Hermia wrote: »

True, but I do think if your life is one big drama fest you need to do something more concrete in real life than just ranting on a forum. There is help available for even very difficult situations (and yes, I do know it's not always easy to get). I do remember reading an interesting psychology study which came to the conclusion that constantly talking about your problems with others could do more harm than good. They found that women who constantly talk about their problems with friends were actually less likely to do something about them. Talking about the problem temporarily made them feel better so they were less inclined to make changes. People who did not have that outlet felt worse and were therefore more likely to do something about it.

Very interesting, I had never considered that, so perhaps talking through things on here is also extending, impounding and or increasing problems that could have been quickly solved or forgotten about?