Debt free by 40 -- 19 Months and counting

maddiemay

Steph, deep breath and calm down, that is an order!:(

At present you are doing the MOST important job - raising your children. Most of the full time working mums that I have known are a) full of guilt for not being there, b) absolutely worn to a frazzle emotionally if not physically by trying to do everything. Now I realise that for many there is no element of choice and for some there is no way that they could ever stay at home. In my circle the families that make it work well for all are those where both partners take an equal share of child raising, house work, shopping, cooking etc. and often the bonus of one of them being able to work from home to cover child illness. You have the added difficulties of no child support and the cost and time involved in travelling the distances you need to find paid employment rather than just being able to earn pin money.

Once you have cleared the debt you know that you will have a lot more income to save/improve your home/pay down the mortgage or whatever. Make your enquiries regarding FHP .

You will find your way, the universe mostly has a way of providing.

Take care.
MM
xxx

Eager_Elephant

maddiemay wrote: »

Steph, deep breath and calm down, that is an order!:(

At present you are doing the MOST important job - raising your children. Most of the full time working mums that I have known are a) full of guilt for not being there, b) absolutely worn to a frazzle emotionally if not physically by trying to do everything. Now I realise that for many there is no element of choice and for some there is no way that they could ever stay at home. In my circle the families that make it work well for all are those where both partners take an equal share of child raising, house work, shopping, cooking etc. and often the bonus of one of them being able to work from home to cover child illness. You have the added difficulties of no child support and the cost and time involved in travelling the distances you need to find paid employment rather than just being able to earn pin money.
xxx

Would just like to say that maddiemay is right:T


I am a full time working mum and I definitely fit into B (I don't fit into A as I am not maternal and my DS is 18 now and my DD is 12 so they are pretty independent).


Honestly I am worn out physically every day and emotionally at least once every few weeks I think I haven't spent enough time with the kids at weekends. I know some of this is our fault as we have animals and a dog as well.


As you know my DH is not well so I take the majority (well all :rotfl:) of the share of housework, cooking etc


My house is often a tip and I should do more housework but I don't have time, people have to find me as I am (I say that but if someone comes round I have a mad panic and spend a whole day cleaning the bottom of the house!!)


Just remember that if you got a part time job you would likely lose Tax Credits and then you have the travel costs etc so it might not actually be worth it.
I think if your DH was employed rather than self-employed you wouldn't be feeling like this plus of course he has had his op and the lack of money coming into the household is worrying you.


Is there anyway of building up the cleaning? Could you leaflet drop in the closest villages? (And hope you don't get another old bag?!!?). if you were near me you could clean my house:rotfl:


I also agree with maddiemay that the universe will provide when the time is right - do not push yourself too much.

Jamdown1

abba1772 wrote: »

I've never heard of an infinity scarf.....off to goggle it now xx

Lol I read this after I did the same thing just now!:)

StressedSteph

maddiemay wrote: »

Steph, deep breath and calm down, that is an order!:(

At present you are doing the MOST important job - raising your children. Most of the full time working mums that I have known are a) full of guilt for not being there, b) absolutely worn to a frazzle emotionally if not physically by trying to do everything. Now I realise that for many there is no element of choice and for some there is no way that they could ever stay at home. In my circle the families that make it work well for all are those where both partners take an equal share of child raising, house work, shopping, cooking etc. and often the bonus of one of them being able to work from home to cover child illness. You have the added difficulties of no child support and the cost and time involved in travelling the distances you need to find paid employment rather than just being able to earn pin money.

Once you have cleared the debt you know that you will have a lot more income to save/improve your home/pay down the mortgage or whatever. Make your enquiries regarding FHP .

You will find your way, the universe mostly has a way of providing.

Take care.
MM
xxx

Hi MM

Thanks for your reply, I must admit that after reading your reply I realised that I was in panic mode and obsessing. I have a nasty habit of that and I go round and round in circles, never actually solving the issue.

I guess I just want to do it all - Be home for the children, be able to keep house, cook meals from scratch, keep my garden, veg plot and farm animals and also bring in some money. Guess I am not Wonderwoman :rotfl:

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

Would just like to say that maddiemay is right:T

I am a full time working mum and I definitely fit into B (I don't fit into A as I am not maternal and my DS is 18 now and my DD is 12 so they are pretty independent).

Honestly I am worn out physically every day and emotionally at least once every few weeks I think I haven't spent enough time with the kids at weekends. I know some of this is our fault as we have animals and a dog as well.

As you know my DH is not well so I take the majority (well all :rotfl:) of the share of housework, cooking etc

My house is often a tip and I should do more housework but I don't have time, people have to find me as I am (I say that but if someone comes round I have a mad panic and spend a whole day cleaning the bottom of the house!!)

Just remember that if you got a part time job you would likely lose Tax Credits and then you have the travel costs etc so it might not actually be worth it.
I think if your DH was employed rather than self-employed you wouldn't be feeling like this plus of course he has had his op and the lack of money coming into the household is worrying you.

Is there anyway of building up the cleaning? Could you leaflet drop in the closest villages? (And hope you don't get another old bag?!!?). if you were near me you could clean my house:rotfl:

I also agree with maddiemay that the universe will provide when the time is right - do not push yourself too much.

Hi EE,

Thanks so much for replying, It is good to hear from the other side of the coin I guess. I do admit to feeling irrationally guilty if I miss school events so I can really understand when you say about worrying if you are missing out with the children.

It is also a worry about the CTC, I get a decent amount from that atm. Not sure what the amount is I can earn before I start to lose that .

Aaah I guess I could get more cleaning, but I do find it quite soul destroying . But beggars can't be choosers I suppose.

xxxx

Jamdown1 wrote: »

Lol I read this after I did the same thing just now!:)

Hi Jamdown,

Thanks for stopping by. xx

StressedSteph

Morning Diary,

Last day of the school holidays :eek:, I can't quite believe it is all over, it has gone by so fast!. Although considering both of my beloved children had had a tantrum before 9am this morning I am kind of looking forward to them going back .

I went to our local Oak Fair this weekend just gone and bumped into one of the women who is part of the group of clickey mums at school who give me iffy looks. I made a point of walking up to her and starting a conversation. I wanted to try being really smiley and chatty this year to make it harder for people to be mean. Maybe abit naïve of me but worth a try. It seemed to go well, I know it is just one particular woman that has been saying nasty things about me, so I thought if I came across really friendly then maybe she will realise that i am not a horrible person. :(:(

As you may know I make Christmas wreaths every year and it has sometimes been a little difficult as another lady in the neighbouring village also makes them but charges a total fortune. I have justified me making mine as they are a simpler more affordable option. Well I saw her on a stand at the fair and I was annoyed to see that she was also selling Infinity scarves :mad:. She was selling them for £49 :eek::eek: My wool should hopefully arrive today or tomorrow and I will start making. But it will feel like I am under cutting her again Grrrrr, she is aways one step ahead of me. .

Ok moan over..

I have a cake to make today and a last double check that all the school stuff is ready to go. Looing forward to getting back on my HomeRoutines system tomorrow and having 5 hours without a tantrum :T

lhead123

Steph, take a look at the Entitledto website, you can plug in all your details and see what you should get. You can then go back through and make adjustments to what you could potentially earn this year, and see how it will affect the tax credits x

StressedSteph

lhead123 wrote: »

Steph, take a look at the Entitledto website, you can plug in all your details and see what you should get. You can then go back through and make adjustments to what you could potentially earn this year, and see how it will affect the tax credits x

Thanks Lhead I forgot about that website. I will run through some scenario's and see what it brings up. xxx

StressedSteph

Morning Diary,

Well.......Here I sit with my coffee and PEACE!!!!! All I can hear are the birds outside the open window and the odd baaa from my lambs.
Paradise......

As you can probably guess husband is off at work and children are back to school...Yay!!!!.

I really enjoyed the summer holidays and it was a very much needed break from the school routine but boy am I glad they have all gone back now. It has been so hard to entertain them with NO money.

Ds said his school shoes fit ok but then put them on this morning and complained they were super tight, so I may have to go into town after school to find him a cheap pair . Guess the boy needs shoes so no avoiding it.

So far:-

Animals fed
Washing machine on
Washing on line
Dishwasher on

Feel slightly unsure what to do hahah.
Guess I will pick up my old routine on my HomeRoutines App
Todays Zone is Bathrooms , but they really need doing so will finish my coffee and get to it.
Dd woke me up last night with a nightmare so I feel quite tired but really don't want to slip into the habit of sitting around, doing nothing and wasting my days.

Speak soon xx

Chrysalis1976

Enjoy your day Steph you continue to achieve so much and that isn't always about money but what you do with your family, home and everything else you have going on.

Hope the kids have a good day at school, mine don't go back until Monday so enjoying the last few days with them.

C x

StressedSteph

Chrysalis1976 wrote: »

Enjoy your day Steph you continue to achieve so much and that isn't always about money but what you do with your family, home and everything else you have going on.

Hope the kids have a good day at school, mine don't go back until Monday so enjoying the last few days with them.

C x

Thanks Chrysalis,

I really do appreciate your generous words, they do me a world of good. Yes you are right about family being more important, I just wish it wasn't such a perpetual struggling .

I guess things will get a little easier once the debt has gone and I have saved up a decent Emergency fund, that in itself will ease a lot of my stress. If hubby's work dries up for a few weeks and I have three months wages saved up then I won't have the panic attack that I usually do. I think that in itself will make life much better.

Also having a chance to build up Birthday and Christmas pots which never happened this year, will be amazing. It is my sons birthday in 2 weeks and I have to find the money for that from NOWHERE :eek:.

aaargh. I will get there xxxx