Tackling the issue of money

clarethere

My partner and I got engaged a couple of weeks ago so are just starting to think about planning the wedding, mostly about how to pay for it! We're not thinking of going overboard but have worked out even if we cut costs where we can we'll still need about £4k. First off, we're not expecting anyone else to pay our way, we're happy to pay for it all if needs be but we'll have to save up for quite a while. However, if our families can help us out, even on a loan basis, it's means we can get married much quicker (ie, 15 months-ish rather than 3 years or more).

Fiance's family aren't well off at all but have already offered to contribute about £400 so we know where we stand there. However, my parents are being incredibly vague and I'm not sure how to tackle it with them, whether to just ask for a sum straight out as a loan or just assume they're not contributing. They've said "we'll give you some money instead of a wedding present" but not mentioned any figure and also said "We paid for your sister's wedding but that's not done anymore is it" in a laughing 'oh that'd be ridiculous' way, so I don't know whether they're hinting 'don't ask'. Which is a teeny bit insulting because they happily forked over £5000 15 years ago (big age difference) for a full 'bells and whistles' do for my sister.

But all we really need is a £2k loan which we'd start paying back after the wedding, we wouldn't be asking for free money unless they really wanted to give it. They can definitely afford it as they have £5k in savings for each of us for house deposits (not likely to need mine any time soon!) and further savings themselves, so it won't be taking their heating money or anything.

How can I ask "what do you want to give us or loan us?" tactfully and without being grabby?

CompBunny

Congratulations!

I'd have an informal discussion with whichever parent you are closest to (or both if the conversation happens naturally!) and when they start asking about wedding plans you can say "we're thinking in either 15months of 3 years time depending on how finances go - we're about £2,000 short of a modest wedding at the moment" and see where they lead the conversation from there? This should give you your answer.

Perhaps they need a bit more time themselves to think about their own finances?

Also, they may have £5k earmarked for your future house deposit but they might not necessarily have other savings that they feel comfortable using right now...

I guess it depends on your relationship with them and family attitudes to money as to how frank you can be!

Its kind of your fiances family to offer you the £400

Families, money and weddings can be a minefield in relation to each other but we all get there in the end! Happy wedding planning xxx