Sharing my home with partner

Georgina_J

Help! My partner of two years has asked to move in over the next few months. Up until now as we have children from our previous marriages, we have run separate homes. My partner has been renting as he is not yet divorced but he has spent all his time at my house unless he has his children.

My financial circumstances are not great at the moment having recently lost a business and had to repay a company bank loan. I now have a massive 85 % mortgage and 30k worth of debt and should probably sell my home.

Question? How can I work out a proposal with my partner, ie share the mortgage poss as 'tennants in common' ? whilst releasing capital from the house to clear my debts and would i incurr stamp duty by doing so?

What is the norm under these circumstances? Any ideas?

Savvy_Sue

You might get a better answer to the specifically mortgage questions on the mortgage board, but a warning that if you are currently claiming any benefits other than Child Benefit as a single parent and a partner is pretty much living with you then your claim is on dodgy ground.

Keep talking about the financial issues, and don't do it just to save money!

Georgina_J

Savvy_Sue wrote:

You might get a better answer to the specifically mortgage questions on the mortgage board, but a warning that if you are currently claiming any benefits other than Child Benefit as a single parent and a partner is pretty much living with you then your claim is on dodgy ground.

Keep talking about the financial issues, and don't do it just to save money!

Thanks,apologies for late response. One of my concerns is exactly that, don't want to make joint finacial committment whilst i am under pressure.

Partner has proposed paying a proportion of market rental costs and I have agreed in outline as well as apportioning cost of food etc. I work very long hours still, business still in the process of disposal, and resent spending all of my spare time cooking and cleaning , with no income. My partner has a good income but still has committments to spouse and children as no settlement agreed yet.

I have a teen son, I provide home,heat light etc etc and also pay for food for my self ,son and partner with the occaisional gesture from him but nothing concrete and although I have approached this subject very pointedly on four separate occaisions there is no follow through from him and as a consequence I am getting further into debt and this is now making me very angry.

My partner is perfect in so many ways and wants us to build a future together but this point is making me question our entire relationship and the decision to cohabit and makes me feel that there is no real feeling of responsibility towards me or indeed us or our future.

I cannot agree to his moving in until this is sorted out.

Luis

I note with interest your comment that your partner has suggested paying a portion of the market rental cost. Er - pardon? If you are living together, I would suggest that you should each pay half of everything you both use.

Me and OH split mortgage, H&C insurance, Council Tax, Gas, Water, Electricic, TV Licence, Sky Subs, Internet and phone - which comes to £380 per month each - you would be hard prssed to find a place to rent for that alone. Then of course we have our own outgoings which we pay for individually, such as life insurance, loans etc.

With regards to food bill - it evens out, where sometimes we split the bill, or one pays one time, the other the next etc.

I think your penultimate paragraph is very telling - and maybe your OH needs a bit of a sit down and explain the financial facts of life if he wants to share with you lol!

Having said that - if you have been getting on fine without - why fix something which ain't broke?

Savvy_Sue

Agree with Luis! Is he planning to give up his rented place when he moves in? So you'd be expected to accommodate, feed and entertain his kids as well as him when he has them? Tread carefully ... if he doesn't change before he moves in, he won't change afterwards!

Yes, he has commitments to his spouse and children, but they are not just financial, and his commitment to you must be more than financial as well, although even his proposal for that seems inadequate.

And there is no earthly reason for you to spend all your spare time cooking and cleaning: both your son and your wanna-be partner should be mucking in as well!

ceegee

Please be very, very careful before you come to any arrangement. IIRC, there was a similar thread some time ago where a lady poster was considering her man friend's request to move in, but she was somewhat unsure. She owned the house and he was "propertyless" and he didn't seem inclined to make much of a contribution either financially or practically. Please be careful! :think:

Georgina_J

A very late response to my replies, all very good advice which I should have heeded but didn't with disastrous consequences. I am now homeless,jobless and renting, trying to rebuild but extremely difficult. My partner (?) now living on his own, in rented, having now sold his marital home and divorce done and dusted. Ladies, be very, very careful.

emma12345

Georgina, sorry to hear of what you've been through, I hope things look up for you soon.

I didn't realise that the original post was 4 years old, what happened (if you don't mind talking about it)?

Take care,
Em
xx

SailorSam

I was'nt here when you started the thread, like Emma i thought it was current, hope things work out.
I live alone and i know in the past i've been tempted to let a partner move in, and later been glad i did'nt, but it's never easy knowing what to do especially when someone is making promises and putting pressure on you.
Good Luck.