What is it with me and this insane need to make people happy?!

Kayalana99

I know it originally sounds like a good thing but it really isn't.... for example just now I'm scrolling facebook and someone is selling something and someone has commented asking where are you? and they say XXX and then the person just puts back PASS.

& I'm thinking thats abit harsh you know I could use one of those and I'm having to stop myself from saying I'll buy it JUST because I feel sorry for her.

(again facebook example but I have short term memory lol)

One of my friends from work put something up to sell & I commented asking for some details and she got a tad pushy but in a nice way saying how good it was etc and my partner said he didn't want one second hand so I was straight with her and she mentioned again how excellent it was but she understood...and then later on she put on facebook about how she cant really afford christmas so I'm thinking to myself maybe I could just buy it off her and put it in the bin... .:o

I know it all sounds ridiculous... and IT IS...but even though when I think about it I know I'm being silly I can't stop? I'm the kind of person that couldn't nick a pen from work without feeling guilty about it.

It can't be normal ? :eek:

Gah sorry I just needed to rant about myself I just wish you could reprogram how you think sometimes lol

kelpie35

The only suggestion I can make to you is to log off FB and do something constructive with your time.

Sorry if this is harsh but you are stressing yourself out for no reason.

Kayalana99

My sons been ill this morning so I have basically sat with him in my arms on the computer yes. I don't really tend to use facebook that much as I am generally with kids or working but it was just the earliest example.

I'm just fed up with feeling guilty over things that I know don't matter or if I've not done the right thing in certain situations.

trolleyrun

Just let it go. You're not a charity and I'm sure your family can benefit better from the money instead of you buying things that aren't wanted/needed.

I used to feel the compulsion of pleasing everyone I came into contact with. The result was that I got taken advantage of far too many times. I eventually realised that I was wearing myself out and getting no appreciation or thanks back. I changed, and some people were surprised but they started respecting me more. That made me realise even more that I'd made the right decision. It takes practice but anyone can do it

balletshoes

Kayalana99 wrote: »

My sons been ill this morning so I have basically sat with him in my arms on the computer yes. I don't really tend to use facebook that much as I am generally with kids or working but it was just the earliest example.

I'm just fed up with feeling guilty over things that I know don't matter or if I've not done the right thing in certain situations.

buying someone else's used stuff that you don't want, don't need, and will put in the bin, just to momentarily make them feel relieved its gone, isn't the right thing - ever.

You won't be saving your friends christmas by buying her tat, and she won't think you have.

As human beings every single one of us has a different opinion on what matters in our life and what doesn't - maybe you overthink things, and so everything matters?

mumcoll

Oh I totally know what you feel like. The basis of my anxiety issues come from having to please everyone. I've had it all my life (I even used to kiss a teacher I HATED before I went home age about 5!) I can't say no to anyone without feeling guilty for ages afterward.


Google 'people pleaser'

Hermia

I don't think you are that unusual. Firstly, it's better to be too nice than too nasty, but obviously you need to learn about boundaries. Maybe you could watch or talk to friends who seem to have the right idea. For example, if I knew someone who was short of money and trying to sell something I would give them some selling tips as I sell a lot online, but would not buy the item.

Bear in mind people pleasers can be quite draining to be around. It's quite an uncomfortable feeling being around someone who is always trying to please you. And it's really mortifying to find out that a friend massively inconvenienced themselves to help you. I had a friend who would do things like go to a restaurant I liked where she hated the food, but not tell me that. When i later found out from other people I would feel like a villain even though it was not my fault!

Kayalana99

I did google people pleaser first thing I found ; http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Being-a-People-Pleaser

Probably about 95% of this is true a few years ago, but I think I've changed alot over last couple years. I'm know where near as bad as I used to be but I'm still driving myself mad because I feel like I'm constantly reasoning with myself that its OK to not do things people ask me or to be selfish once in a while and do something I want to do.

(I.e I've needed new clothes for ages and I finally brought myself some this week but I was so tempted to by OH another PS4 game he wanted despite already giving him £200 towards the ps4 in first place and their was alot of guilt/over thinking to get myself to do it -_-)